Calling people autistic (Title edited by MNHQ)

[Rossigigi]

This is only trivial to some but it's annoyed me to hell.

Ds13, has just started calling us all autistic, and using it when to refer to friends, e.g X is autistic.

So I just cornered him in the living room and said 'I do not like it when you call people autistic, it is disrespectful to those who are on the spectrum and their families.

He said 'why are you getting so triggered? I'm only joking!'

So I asked do you actually know what it is?

He said 'when people have difficulty in things like maths, they punch things when they are angry, and they can not behave properly in social situations because they do not understand emotions'

So I said, you've got some things right, however other things not
so much'

So we've had a conversation on what autism is, how it affects people differently and so on.

But I still feel really uneasy. I don't know where he has got it from? What else can I say to ensure he does not use this type of language in the future. I know this is minor to some people, but having worked for years with those who do have autism, this, has he would say has 'triggered' me!

I find it very sad that it’s being used as an insult. My 3 kids and I are autistic, and the thought that disablist language is being used routinely as an insult is depressing, I was naive enough to think we’d moved on from such disgusting attitudes.

OP I know you don’t accept his use of such language, but I honestly think you need to come down hard and fast on this. The impact of such language becoming socially acceptable will be widespread and incalculably damaging to autistic people and he needs to know, bluntly, that he’s part of a wider problem that makes life even fucking harder for people like me.

I'm with Flyingflip on this one.

I rather enjoy the way that the nasty stuff people post on social media sometimes comes back to impact on their lives in the future; university, jobs, bosses searching to see what sort of a person they are as a whole. All those who thought being a sexist, abusive Jack the lad and are now being called to account. They thought it was only a joke at the time too. Ho ho ho.

Just to say DS is on the spectrum, he is amazing at maths. He mostly punches me when angry, although giving him mental maths to do calms him down really quickly. He is very emotional- and he doesn’t get social rules very easily. He gets actual rules easily. He is a person deserving of respect just like any other.

HTH your DS.

I agree that it is disablist.

I hate this. i heard a Psychotherapist use the term dismissively and was horrified.

It is used on here a lot although sugar coated. A poster will suggest that an abusive partner/random person might be 'on the spectrum'. It's offensive to 'diagnose' in this way.

This is interesting to hear it's the insult de hour.

My ds (13) has autism. Mostly children accept that and realise it explains some of his difficulties.

Recently some children have started calling him "autism boy" and mentioning his autism in a negative manner a lot and using it as a stock to beat him with.
Recently a pupil called him a "s&@:?"c cunt"

I didn't think that word was used anymore (well it is because ds does have spasticity but not as a negative insult iyswim?)

What I find most upsetting is that any racist language or perceived racism is come down on like a tonne of bricks and needs reporting to LA etc. There are no such rules with disablism.

I rather enjoy the way that the nasty stuff people post on social media sometimes comes back to impact on their lives in the future; university, jobs, bosses searching to see what sort of a person they are as a whole. All those who thought being a sexist, abusive Jack the lad and are now being called to account. They thought it was only a joke at the time too. Ho ho ho.

For a thirteen year old kid? I don’t think mistakes at this age should define the rest of someones life. You’d end up writing off an awful lot of kids. They make mistakes and get things wrong.

Deckoff, I did many wankish things when I was a teenager. I never said racist or disablist words because I was taught those were horribly offensive. It’s nothing to do with peers at all. None of the other kids in my class said racist things or used disabled terms either.

A couple of years ago, I was stood in a queue when some teens started taking the piss out of a couple of teens in front of them who clearly had some form of disability. I told them to stop because it’s a hate crime and If I heard them say it again I would call the police. That’s how you deal with it. No fucking excuses just no.

Rather baffled to hear that adhd is considered cool by some kids, ds has at times taken to punching his own head as he hates his brain so much. It's not fun and certainly not cool.

And I'm glad you spoke up to those kids like that, HungryDonkey.

“Triggered” is a new insult too and it pisses me the fuck off as a PTSD sufferer.

ADHD is not cool, it is shit and i hate it

Kids and teens are horrible. They pick on the weak and act very differently in groups from how they would as individuals.

Some kids and teens do that, not all. Let's not make sweeping generalisations.

I think there’s way more than just this you need to deal with. The use of triggered is almost as bad.

It's a bit much to say all cake makers are autistic though.

I actually think (and I say this as a parent of a child who is severely affected by his autism and attends complex needs school) that it’s become fashionable and a bit funny to say someone is “on the spectrum” or they’ve got a “bit of asd”. I’ve heard that so many times recently, I think it’s trickled down into teen insult from there really. People are talking about autism more - which is fantastic- but there’s this general shift in thinking that we are all on the spectrum somewhere- which I’m not sure is true at all. It’s that line of thought that makes people think it’s okay to laugh about it, when it really isn’t.

I sometimes cringe when I read the relationships board on here and someone has posted about their arsehole of a dh and you can guarantee that somewhere someone will suggest they might have asd. Being a difficult arsehole does not automatically equate to having asd.

Teach your teen to stop being a sheep and think for himself.

Awful disabling language. I'm a teacher and years ago heard students in my form calling another student "spastic" etc. I arranged for them to visit a specialist school for disabled students for the day. They returned to school with a clear message for the others and I never heard them use that language again.

people minimise autism too much they forget its a spectrum my son is severly autistic and has learning disabillties hes non verbal and attends a special school he will never be independent ,and no ADHD is not a cool thing to have either i have a friend whose son has autism and ADHD its the ADHD thats causing a massive impact on their lives

I'm fairly sure my 19 month DD has asd and this is heart breaking to read. Education is the way forward.

Maryz said If more parents pulled their kids up on these insults, then maybe there would be a little more understanding

Children get things very wrong; in a way that is understandable because they are children. The problem arises when their parents let it go, minimise it, defend it

People need to know disability hate crime is very real.
www.disabilityrightsuk.org/how-we-can-help/independent-living/stop-disability-hate-crime
"What is Disability Hate crime?
A hate crime is any criminal offence that is motivated by hostility or prejudice based upon the victim's disability or perceived disability."

Parents and schools can stop this, it does escalate. It only takes a moment's attention to stop it in its tracks.