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Original poster

Calling people autistic (Title edited by MNHQ)

112 replies

Rossigigi · 31/12/2017 22:40

This is only trivial to some but it's annoyed me to hell.

Ds13, has just started calling us all autistic, and using it when to refer to friends, e.g X is autistic.

So I just cornered him in the living room and said 'I do not like it when you call people autistic, it is disrespectful to those who are on the spectrum and their families.

He said 'why are you getting so triggered? I'm only joking!'

So I asked do you actually know what it is?

He said 'when people have difficulty in things like maths, they punch things when they are angry, and they can not behave properly in social situations because they do not understand emotions'

So I said, you've got some things right, however other things not
so much'

So we've had a conversation on what autism is, how it affects people differently and so on.

But I still feel really uneasy. I don't know where he has got it from? What else can I say to ensure he does not use this type of language in the future. I know this is minor to some people, but having worked for years with those who do have autism, this, has he would say has 'triggered' me!

OP posts:
ru345 · 01/01/2018 00:49

Could you put your ds into voluntary work with autistic people to then experience they are all different and often fantastic individuals? Other than that same as any discriminative behaviours explain this is not socially correct? otherwise he is going to get into trouble re disability discrimination as he gets older.

Devilishpyjamas · 01/01/2018 00:50

Ds2 (nearly 16) won’t allow any of his friends to use autistic, spastic or retard as an insult. His older brother is severely learning disabled and severely autistic. He’s shockingly rude & sweary with his mates but they do all seem to respect his dislike of the terms.

differentnameforthis · 01/01/2018 00:52

Yup, new word ... much like retard! My daughter (who is autistic, she's 9) noticed people on youtube calling each other it as an insult. She was actually very upset. It is a new dx for her and she is still learning what it means for her. She asked why it was being used as an insult, and I said people who need to call people names have low intelligence and aren't clever enough think of another way to communicate.

I'd tell him that it could be construed as hate speech as pp has explained.

differentnameforthis · 01/01/2018 00:53

Oh & tell your son that the only "thing" dd punches is herself and she can behave in social situations, and can understand (some) emotions.

I think he needs some education around disabilities, to be fair.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 01/01/2018 00:58

It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Or is this the beginning of the PC backlash?

Kids haven't changed at all though, it seems

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 01/01/2018 01:00

Good grief, is it really the insult of choice these days? Thank god my autistic son has left school now (but he is attending a local college). If I heard anyone using it in an insulting way I'd think he or she was a massive twat.

Ssssurvey · 01/01/2018 01:05

Unfortunately as children progress through school there are 'de rigeur' terms that are used as insults. When my child was in year 6 it was 'that's so gay'. I was shocked and had to spend more time than I thought was reasonable explaining that it was being used as an insult. They didn't think it was and thought being gay was okay but I had to get them to fully understand it was only being used in negative situations, so although being gay is definitely not an insult, the context in which it was it being used was not on. I hope there will be a quick learning curve in terms of using the word autistic as a slight.

Flyingflipflop · 01/01/2018 01:18

I can understand why people get upset at kids saying these things, but I think it’s a bit much saying he’s a hate criminal in the making and such like. He’s a 13 year old kid without fully developed filters and world views. He’s finding his feet and following his mates rather than his parents.

I can remember in the 80's spastic, racist, homophobic and god knows what else being said. I know I said some myself but quickly grew out of it when I actually understood. As a parent all you can do is keep reinforcing your values.

The main difference now though, is make sure he’s not putting it on social media. Apart from the widespread upset, it may come back to haunt him in years to come.

RestingGrinchFace · 01/01/2018 01:22

Just insult him back next time for being unable to come up with a decent insult. He may as well be calling people diabetics. STFW? It's a medical condition, not an insult.

haveacupofteaandamincepie · 01/01/2018 01:36

My son is deaf. You'd be amazed how often most people use it as a casual insult without even realising. Mainly 'are you deaf' which is not too bad but in other ways too.

BlackeyedSusan · 01/01/2018 01:59

and he says autistic people have difficultiy with social appropriateness...

too stupid to see the irony?

Medicaltextbook · 01/01/2018 02:11

As an adult newly diagnosed with autism thank you for challenging it. I have cerebral palsy and therefore limbs are spastic. I remember the word spastic being used at medical appointments or physiotherapy but no one explained it. I knew there was a spastic Society shop near us with a very forlorn life size child donation box.

I was never bullied or teased using "spastic" or "spas" but other children (with no obvious physical disabilities) in my school were. I therefore knew it was a bad thing to be and so I was bad as well.

rainbowduck · 01/01/2018 02:17

Yup, you condone it, you are as much of a twat as the person saying it.

Lead by example.

RhodaBorrocks · 01/01/2018 02:27

My son is deaf. You'd be amazed how often most people use it as a casual insult without even realising. Mainly 'are you deaf' which is not too bad but in other ways too.

Me too, partially. I enjoy making people uncomfortable when they say that (and as adults they still do), by replying, "Actually yes I am." I don't wear my hearing aid because it gives me pressure sores, not that I tell anyone that. I've been hearing impaired since I was reception age (vaccinate your kids, people!), so I mostly cope with it with lipreading.

I was also briefly visually impaired. Fun answering the "Are you blind?" question too - "Partially sighted, actually."

DS has ASD. He's been called "slow" as an insult. He's anything but. We've gone through the list of unacceptable words, which are already being used in Year 6. He's not had the "R" word yet, but I pulled him up for saying "Spaz". Told him off for saying "Pikey" the other day as he thought it was just a silly sounding word for a naughty person and called the cat a little pikey. He's learning.

DS is also short for his age and gets picked on for it. I've told him it's as logical to pick on his height as it is to pick on his eye colour. So now he shuts down bullies quite effectively with a dismissive "I know." I might have to teach him that for if he ever gets called autistic as an insult.

As for your son, next time he says it, use something he can't change but is completely silly (such as eye/hair colour, having five fingers/toes etc) as if it's an insult back at him. Hopefully he should start to see the idiocy in laughing at people for things they can't change about themselves. He might understand better if you frame it that way.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/01/2018 02:32

Children are awful.

Adults make taboo a current word (that was a clinically valid word like "spastic") because children have turned it into a casual playground insult: "mong" "spaz" etc. But they turn our new PC words into insults before long.

Most grow out of it, especially if adults make the child engage with the reality of the word. Education innit?

Children are horrible. Don't judge society based on anecdata of playground insults.

TheHungryDonkey · 01/01/2018 02:33

Being 13 or a teen is no excuse. It’s as simple as don’t say that it’s offensive. Primary school children can grasp that concept. And yes, if it’s approached like it’s a potential hate crime which is exactly what would happen if he said something racist in school then perhaps this shit will stop.

Maryz · 01/01/2018 02:40

Spaz, mong, gay, retard, autistic, all used to demean and belittle.

If more parents pulled their kids up on these insults, then maybe there would be a little more understanding.

Children get things very wrong; in a way that is understandable because they are children. The problem arises when their parents let it go, minimise it, defend it Angry

differentnameforthis · 01/01/2018 03:25

but I think it’s a bit much saying he’s a hate criminal in the making and such like No one has said that though. They are pointing out the remarks could be seen as hate speech.

ChickenPaws · 01/01/2018 07:38

I’m autistic and it’s very upsetting when people use any term like that as an insult. Language forms attitudes and it’s attitudes like this that means I’m bullied and ostracised and had to leave my previous house due to shit from the neighbours.

Snap him out of it Angry

Show him some of the national autistic society’s videos on YouTube to give him an idea of how hard it is being autistic.

AfunaMbatata · 01/01/2018 07:44

How awful! It’s hate language, I’d treat it the same as if he were being racist. Stamp it out.

AJPTaylor · 01/01/2018 07:47

You are quite right to challenge it as is any adult who hears it. But it is the way of teens. When dd1 was at school, it was "gay". From about 12 to 15 it was the go to insult. Then they grew up ( and several of them are indeed gay 😂)

Fairylea · 01/01/2018 07:49

My son has autism and I feel really sad thinking this is the current insult of the moment SadSad

Why do people have to be so nasty?

I think you did the right thing talking to him about autism and trying to explain to him what it actually is. If he says it again I would be on him like a ton of bricks.

NovemberWitch · 01/01/2018 07:50

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fleshmarketclose · 01/01/2018 08:11

Disgusting,I'd be doing more than having a calm chat with him I'd be firmly putting him in his place and issuing consequences until he got the message that he was being a nasty piece of work and it wouldn't be tolerated.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2018 08:12

When I was a kid (older primary age) we didn’t really understand the implications of describing someone as a “mongie” or “spazer”. I remember my friend taught me these words. It wasn’t until I was older that I knew what they meant. For me, they were synonyms of stupid/idiot that we used, not our parents. Thank goodness the world has moved along and a lot of parents now teach their kids this is disablist and why.