To think people regret leaving marriages?

[CameNhange]

Obviously not always but aibu to think sometimes people privately think they made the wrong call

Do you think people go through divorces lightly?

Obviously in the millions of couples that split up some might have regrets but I can’t believe there are many.

Some people do, lots don’t; it’s impossible to generalise

YANBU. It happens, sometimes people even get married again. Im sure there are plenty out there who secretly wish they hadnt, i suppose thats why you get jealous ex's

I have no idea. The laws of probability would indicate that what you say is probably true. I'm equally sure that many people are very glad they left and also that many people are wishing they could leave and others are making plans to leave.

I know at least one person who does, but it was just because she regretted not having the money that she took for granted in her marriage , rather than regretting leaving the husband.

@Squeegle’s right - you can’t generalise about this, or about relationships. I’m sure some people do regret leaving marriages - I am equally sure there are people who regret not leaving sooner, or not leaving at all.

Definitely not purple. But I do think it’s possible people think that the grass is greener and then when the reality kicks in they regret it.

Of course they do. I'd imagine usually when it involved leaving the marriage for someone/something else.

The only thing I regret is not leaving years and years before I did.

I do think however that in the same way you think people regret leaving marriages, there are quite a lot of people that regrets getting married in the first place.

Why are you asking?

What Not said. And I shouldn't have had a child with him. Much happier without the abusive arsehole.

Nope I was glad to get away from the violence

Some do. Some don't. Some regret ever getting married in the first place.

As with everything in life, not every decision people make is the right one.

I think many do regret leaving marriages, I know I personally sometimes, it's easy to remember the great parts and forget the crap bits.
I was feeling regretful for separating and missing exDH then he came to stay for Xmas to spend time with DC and see them open their gifts and I could have killed him many times during those 2 days 🙄

Someone close to me is going through separation and divorce. It’s the first time I’ve seen the whole process up close and my God, I would do a lot to avoid going through it.

I’m sure some people regret it though. I suppose it depends on the circumstances and the couple.

I ended my marriage because I was bored and we no longer related to eachother. Lots of people would say to work at it etc. but I couldn't bear for him to touch me. So I got divorced - for no other reason than the above. Do I regret it? No, never. Nor, I presume, does his second wife. Or him. Or our child

which people?

The phrasing is odd, as if "the marriage" is an entity in itself that people can leave like a house or something!

Surely it's actually leaving a person / ending a relationship / splitting up?

I suspect more regret getting married in the first place than ending it, if they were the ones who decided to call it a day. The divorced people I know all had their reasons and none have mentioned regret.

I don't know anybody who'd go back to their marriage.

Usually women cling on for years trying to compromise more, trying to ignore their own voice/needs.

Maybe men regret leaving though as they tend to do it because somebody else caught their eye. So I can believe that it's not uncommon for men to regret leaving. But women, there's so much stigma to leaving a marriage that they tend to push water up hill for years before they accept it's over.

I know someone who has just got back with her husband - after three years she decided that she did love him and wanted to try again. The majority seem to be happy with their initial decision though!

Yes that's true Carys.

Do you think people go through divorces lightly?
If they follow the advice on Mumsnet to LTB, yes probably. I wonder sometimes if most Mumsnetters are really divorce lawyers touting for business.

I didn’t exactly mean people go through divorce lightly, but I do think sometimes it is like this great life is promised you and it’s not like that really is it

IIRC a survey a couple of years ago found that about half of all divorcees regret splitting up. But then divorces are frequently not that mutual really, so it’s not surprising that the half that didn’t want to split regrets it.

Also, even for those who instigate a split and regret it, I don’t know how much of a reflection regret is of what would have really happened and how much it’s regret for a lost utopia that was not possible. People divorce for lots of reasons, but it normally boils down to the fact that at least one person in a marriage is finding their position in the marriage untenable. Splitting up causes all sorts of negative affects - financial pressures, stress, uncertainty, often lots of negative comments against each other - and in our society it represents failure of a sort to most people. It’s not unreasonable to regret that and then people look back on the marriage, which almost certainly had good points too, with rose tinted glasses of a sort, thinking about the whole of it rather than the state it was in at the end.

Of course, there will be people who instigated divorced and would have been happier sticking it out. I just don’t know if regret is a good way to measure that.