To think people regret leaving marriages?

[CameNhange]

Obviously not always but aibu to think sometimes people privately think they made the wrong call

I certainly regret getting married the first time. I do wonder WTF I was thinking.

I try not to post LTB as I do believe a lot of relationships are salvageable and I also think the cries of 'you'll find someone who deserves you' are highly questionable, and frequently mean huge difficulty for all involved (see step parenting board). But I still frequently have moments where I can just enjoy the pleasure of not being married to him any more, and we split 16 years ago.

Yes I do agree with that anna ... it’s. Not like it’s an automatic happy ending.

I am a trained couples therapist (what used to be called Marriage Guidance)so have had the privilege of seeing inside other people's relationships in a way not many of us get to experience.

I have seen couples who were on the brink of divorce recover their former love and heal their relationships. Those people would probably have regretted what they lost if they had split up for good.

I have also seen couples who made each other's lives a living hell struggle on and on and on because of their belief in duty or propriety or cultural expectations.

The first weekend after Christmas and NY is always a busy time for divorce lawyers and relationship counsellors.

I know people who miss the easy/routine nature of their marriage - the security of the routine, knowing one another well etc - but they weren’t in love anymore and it was the right call. They needed more and it’s a bit harder now, but worth it.

I think the ones who regret are the ones who didn't think about the pros and cons of their marriage before divorcing or weighed wrongly or the ones who thought the grass is greener.

I married young ( teenager ) and after a good few years ( and children ) felt as if I'd grown up but he had not and that felt as if I had an extra child. Have been divorced for 15 + years now , if I'm being honest I have a few regrets but the life I have now I would not have had with him including life experiences .

There is a myth IMHO that other people have a perfect life which makes folk discontented with their lot. But even saying that I don't know many people who are sorry they got divorced. Most folk are glad. I only know one person who went off and had an affair and then wanted to come back. Her ex said no. Good for him I thought. But I know of other men who've taken their wives back. So it's not always just the men who are the villains. Though you would think so in the world of MN.

Some people regret getting divorced. Some people regret getting married. Millions upon millions of people get married and divorced, so of course there will be people who do both of those things and then regret it. What's your point and/or question?

The only thing I regret is not leaving sooner.

I know one man who left his wife after 25 years of marriage for another woman and the OW was a total looper. He regrets it now but I doubt his wife would take him back.

I know another couple. The wife was constantly moaning about being unhappy. She started the legal proceedings to end the marriage. She regretted it and wanted to get back together. Her Husband didn't and is much happier since they split up.

SIL and her ExH are better off apart for everyone's sake.

AFAIK the ease/length of time/process of getting a divorce depends on the law where you get married/divorced.

I haven't left a marriage but I do sometimes regret leaving a past relationship. Other days I'm so glad I left. That's just life I think. Regret is a feeling that comes and goes about a lot of things. It's not necessarily right, if there even is a "right".

My Dad once said that every married bloke he knew wished he was single and every single bloke he knew wished he was married.

I know of one person. The grass was greener and after what seemed to be a long and happy marriage she met a married man. An affair happened over a couple of years. She left her husband for him and he was devastated. In a sour turn of events, the man she was seeing didn’t leave his wife. Fifteen years later, I’m married to her ex husband. I’m not smug but I met DH four years after their split and even the , she was hopeful they might get back together, as she was so utterly miserable.

The grass was definitely not greener.

Thinking of the people I know who are divorced and started divorce proceedings I can't think of any that regret it tbh. I do know several that are unhappily married but stay because they have too much to loose.

My only regret is that I didn't get divorced years earlier.

There have been some studies that show that people who separate then decide to stay married are happier five years later than people who separate and then divorce. Of course, that was among couples who felt they had "grown apart," not couples where there were abuse/addiction/infidelity issues. Of course each case is different.

I don’t regret leaving. I regret getting married. It was a controlling relationship. I wish we were divorced, but he has fought me every step of the way, every which way. Will I regret it when we finally get divorced? No, I think I will walk down to the beach, stare out to sea, breathe very deeply, and thank God that I got my life back.

I don't regret leaving my exh ever!

I know loads of divorced people, I am one. I don't know a single one that regrets leaving, they all wish they had done it much sooner.

My exh chose to leave, I told him at the time that is he made that decision there was no going back and I meant it...

Four months later I started divorce proceedings and he promptly starts messaging his mates about how he guesses we won't get back together then...

Idiot!

Like others I regret getting married.
I don't regret ending the marriage even though it's tough being on my own at times.
My ex - he regrets cheating and lying. But not enough to have come clean.

I regret that the relationship failed.

I regret that I didn't have another child before I left as I'm now 36, single for five years and my chances are dwindling by the day.

I don't regret leaving him for a second. Not after he threatened to kill me.

I will always truly regret breaking up my marriage many years ago, Devastation and misery all round with two young children and family etc.
My ex husband then remarried, and had a crap second marriage.
We both decided after divorce that we would stay friends forever, and that we did, until he died three years ago. I would never find a man that was as good as my ex again, so regret is always with me,, but its a long time ago, so have remained happily single ever since.

I left a partner once because I was bored and I have regretted it a bit. However we had too many faults in common, like being lazy and iiking to drink. I really don't think it would have been good for either of us if we had stayed together.

the only regretters I know of are people (mostly, but not all men) who had an affair and left for the OW or OM, then realised it wasn't what they imagined, and began to appreciate their ex more

this. I've seen it. They didn't really think through leaving their marriage. They got caught up in the fun, excitement, ego boast and fantasy of an affair. The affair caused the divorce, and seem to lead naturally to a new marriage, which wasn't nearly as fun, exciting and ego boasting as an affair. They never really thought through what it would really be like to be with the affair person.

Of the women I know who've tried to make marriages work and then really thought it through and decided to end it, not one regretted ending their marriage. My best friend is like this. She's said that she doesn't regret the marriage because she has her two beautiful children, but her ex is an alcoholic who screwed around and couldn't hold down a job. The divorce was beyond painful and her finances are a mess, but she doesn't have any regrets about the divorce.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I do not regret leaving my 1st marriage. It was totally the wrong relationship and much happier out of it. Remarried now to the right person.