To think people regret leaving marriages?

[CameNhange]

Obviously not always but aibu to think sometimes people privately think they made the wrong call

Iknow 1 person who regrets divorce. But he is a cheating bastard. His ex wife has never expressed regret. I am still glad for my divorce and my friend who has never found another relatiinship says she's still happier.

I imagine it's pretty common to regret separation if you left for an OM/OW. And pretty uncommon to regret it if you left because it was a bad/abusive relationship.

Amazingly, I only know one divorced person in all my family and friends. His ex-wife was a horrible woman who he regrets marrying. He is now very happily married with dc.

Sometimes I do. But it's because of the whole package and life we had together not purely on the man

I regret marrying in the first place. Divorcing was not a regret at all! The grass has been a lot greener

I know one person who regrets aspects of their divorce: having to work full time, living in a much smaller house, their DC seeing their father less. But that was their third marriage, and they've divorced for different reasons each time. I don't think it will be too long before they marry again.

Divorce often brings out the worst in people, so I doubt many people regret being with their ex.

I did once work for someone who regretted her divorce. She'd married quite young, and said if they'd had support to work through their difficulties they'd have stayed together. I think they were only married a couple of years. They stayed friends and she went on holiday with him and his new wife after her second divorce (which she didn't regret at all!)

Generally I think women regret not leaving years sooner.

There's probably the odd exception.

I imagine some people miss the marriage they had in the early years/the marriage they wish they'd had. But by the time things get so desperate they divorce, that marriage/the fantasy of it is long gone.

I know a couple who do regret not trying for counselling as they had basically grown apart rather than been really horrible to each other. I still think they will end up together. But I know 2 other couples where the divorce was the best thing. MIL for one. She was downtrodden by her Ex and is happily remarried to someone who is her equal.

My DSis married in haste at 29, he was violent and the marriage ended 2 years later. At the time she couldn't see how controlling the relationship had been and we weren't allowed to say one word against him. Four years later she married her second DH, who was also divorced with one son living with him.

They're now really happy with a blended family, so neither of them regret getting divorced. But my DSis definitely regrets her first marriage.

Agree with what lots of pps have said re regretting the marriage rather than regretting the divorce.

Whilst at university, I temped for a guy and he'd had an affair with woman in the office next door. She was widowed with a young son. He was married with three grown children. His wife found out and threw him out and he was living back with his but still seeing the other woman. I don't think he wanted to be with her full time but felt responsible.

On the day the family home was sold his wife rang to tell him, she was crying. I put her through and he ended up sobbing at his desk. It was so sad. He said to me, he had ruined everything and made the biggest mistake of his life. He kept saying if only I could turn the clock back, if only I could turn the clock back. I massively think he regretted what he had done. His followed his pants without thinking about the consequences.

I know friends who regret not divorcing sooner, they tried to make their marriage work for far too long.

I didn’t exactly mean people go through divorce lightly, but I do think sometimes it is like this great life is promised you and it’s not like that really is it

It isn’t really like that. I think that when you get to the point of actually want to go into the mess of a divorce and re starting your life on your own, you are not expecting to Find Mr Right, you actually do not want another man in your life at all for a long time. You leave because you can’t bear the idea of your life continue to be that bad until you die.

Then you are out, the shock wears off, the Sun comes out, you find your feet and are happy again and at that time, you realise you are ready for another relationship.

Believe me living in hope is better than living with the security that the life you have and you dislike is all you have.

I can tell you that after my marriage changed into something I was living a day at a time, putting one feet in front of the other, threading water with no illusion for life. I am now a happily divorced woman, I face now a lot of difficult situations, but I’m happier because there is hope, and I am much better prepared to shape my future even if I have set backs.

Divorce is not the realm of the weak or the quitters, you need a lot of courage and determination to choose to go through it and change your life.

Excellent Post notsure

I think initiating a divorce is mostly a huge step and not one anyone takes without thinking again and again. There are exceptions to every rule, but I don't ever see myself regretting my (ongoing) divorce. Right now the only thing I regret is not starting this two years ago when I first realised the extent of my STBXH's dependence on alcohol.

I threw him out three days ago over a DV incident and the house is lighter and calmer already.

Pointythings You are definitely right for me.

Perhaps wrongly, I always knew that I would never leave him, but I knew that if he made the decision I would never allow him back... And that's what happened. So although I knew the second that he said he was leaving that I would be divorcing him. That doesn't mean that no thought went into it, just that all the thoughts came before then.

I know that I will never ever regret it.

I work with a couple of middle aged ex detectives - they frequently talk about their pals who have left middle aged lovely wives to marry younger ‘more attractive’ women. The sex quickly grows dull, then they find they’ve lost out majorly financially, younger OW wants a child and next thing they know is they’ve a toddler at home at 50, their relationship with their older kids has suffered, they will have to work till they are in their 70s - and then first wife doesn’t seem so bad. Karma

Lena yep I've seen that as well.

I don't regret either of mine, my ex husbands do regret it.