To Resent MIL's xmas presents?

[ffab]

We agreed in advance with in-laws that we were not doing presents this year. MIL and FIL came to us for xmas. She bought me four presents including a very expensive looking amber and solid silver earring and necklace set in presentation boxes and food hampers for each of my grown DD's ( her SD's) plus gift vouchers. What is she trying to prove?

Unless there's a big old backstory of her being a poisonous mad old badger, it could just be she thought you were short of cash and maybe deserved a treat? In which case I do hope you've been at least passingly gracious about the whole thing.

Probably nothing!
Who's idea was the no presents?

I take it you have asked her why, what did she say?

mumonashoestring No didn't ask her why just accepted gracefully. The "no presents" conversation was between her and DH so I might not know the exact facts.

We're short on money as DH was recently made redundant and we were hosting them for three days so she might have gone overboard on the presents as a thank you.

toomuchofacoincidence. It was DH's idea .

If just say 'oh goodness I feel terrible now I thought we'd agreed no presents' ..... job jobbed

LagunaBubbles I didn't ask her why. We don't get on too well so I just said thank you and have her a hug.

She sounds lovely, you sound ungrateful.

She was probably trying to be nice. Maybe she doesn't read Mumsnet and therefore hasn't realised that everything a MIL does will be interpreted as a hostile act.

She sounds like she was trying to be nice? Unless there's a backstory, then there's nothing at all for you to resent. Your husband is her child. She probably still wants to treat him at Xmas even now he's grown up.

I get that you might have felt embarrassed at her generosity tho when you're not currently in a position to reciprocate.

She sounds like she was being nice

*mumonashoestring

Unless there's a big old backstory of her being a poisonous mad old badger,*

There is, I refused to go to theirs for Xmas as they put too much pressure on me to drink and I've never seen anyone drink as much as they do.

FGS MIL's can't do right for doing wrong can they. I would imagine that your MIL accepted the reasons why you and your dh could not afford presents this year but is one of those awful people who don't give to receive and felt you all deserved a treat. Now you are resenting her gifts and thoughtfulness, how delightful of you.

Yes she may have considered them hostess gifts.

Has DH got his wires crossed? I know I’ve asked DH to pass on messages to MIL before and he’s communicated things badly, leading to confusion. Perhaps he gave the impression that you wouldn’t be buying gifts, but not that you didn’t want them?

Why does there alwYs have to be a hidden agenda when it comes to ILs.
I told our kids and gfs not to get us anything.
However we bought them loads if stuff. The reason was we take pleasure o helping them out and also treating them. They were told I'm no uncertain terms it is our pleasure and we dont expect or want anything back.
They all seemed happy.

saucy Jack
Unless there's a backstory, then there's nothing at all for you to resent.

Sorry to dripfeed but yes, backstory. Last Xmas we went to theirs. She means well but is very dictatorial. Took it as a personal affront if I didn't eat everything or I left the table at all. We sat down at 3pm and didn't leave the table until 1am, every time i
I went to the loo or just went to stretch my legs DH was sent to find me. Bad back was killing me after 10 solid hours sitting. I explained that I have to move every so often.

Also I'm not much of a drinker. I don't mind them getting sozzled, it's Xmas but they kept badgering me to drink. By the end of the day I felt under seige.

It sounds like she was trying to be supportive since your DH, her son, has been made redundant and it's Christmas. He told her money is tight. Just be gracious.

It is threads like this that make me dread DS getting a wife!
I would think I was being nice; giving generous, thoughtful gifts and making sure any DSC were also included.
And DH and I drink loads

Is she basically overpowering (and not very good at understanding boundaries) but well meaning? From your backstory - that does sound difficult to deal with

FGS MIL's can't do right for doing wrong can they.. You're right I did feel embarrassed because I couldn't reciprocate. But was very nervous about her coming as she has been very rude to and about me in the past.

The drinking is an issue because the rudeness happens when she's had a few so I think I was on eggshells.

We sat down at 3pm and didn't leave the table until 1am

Er mai gawd. This would cripple me. I have to get up and walk around after an hour on the sofa...

Sat at a table from 3-1?

Was food still happening?

Was everyone scared to leave the table?

Well, she's either trying to be nice or she's deliberately not doing as requested!

hmcAsWas*

Is she basically overpowering (and not very good at understanding boundaries) but well meaning? From your backstory - that does sound difficult to deal with

Nail on the head. Five hours of "go on have a drink" ,"why don't you drink," "we'll find something you like", "just a drop won't hurt", "How about tequila", "Rum?",. "Ooh we've got some Ouzo". It became a battle of wills.

Then we got onto the chocolate. I love it but can't eat too much.

Saying 'no' wasn't enough so when I eventually explained that if I ate too much it gave me eczema , she said, and I quote, "Go on, have a rash for me."

She asked if I wanted sugar on my strawberries I said "no thanks" she insisted I said, "really no thanks" the strawberries arrived covered in sugar.

It was more like Wellington v Napoleon than Xmas dinner.

I can't get past the fact you all sit at the table from 3pm - 1am. Don't any of you worry about DVT's?