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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore dd crying in her room?

102 replies

NapQueen · 31/12/2017 12:31

She is 6. And for the past week or so been a pain in the arse over clothes, what fits, what doesnt.

Shes had three separate non clothes related strops this morning so is clearly having a bad day. Ive offered assistance with choosing clothes and after her snatching and throwing stuff around her room Ive left her to it.

Its been 1.5 hours so far of this.

OP posts:

unenthusiasticfuturedancemom · 31/12/2017 12:32

I'd go in and suggest lunch. See if she's feeling a bit calmer?

Original poster

NapQueen · 31/12/2017 12:32

Shes had knickers and tights and a pj top on for half of that abd has chosen a dress she wears often yet isnt making any movement in actually putting it on.

OP posts:

DontFundHate · 31/12/2017 12:32

One and a half hours of crying? Go give her a cuddle

Original poster

NapQueen · 31/12/2017 12:34

She has been in and out for hugs and "can you get this / yes of course here you go". And stopped crying and started again. And stopped; slammed a few things round in her room then started crying again.

OP posts:

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 31/12/2017 12:34

To be honest, I'd assume she was coming down with something OP.

Whenever mine behave like this...multiple tantrums...they're coming down with something.

DropZoneOne · 31/12/2017 12:35

Does she need to get dressed? If she's struggling today, for whatever reason, maybe it's best to leave her in pjs for now, give her a hug, offer some food and maybe watch a film or cartoon together.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 31/12/2017 12:37

If this is unusual behaviour, and she hasn’t had an overwhelming Christmas so is overtired and overstimulated, I’d be on the look out for an illness as well.

Dustysparrow · 31/12/2017 12:37

My DD is like this with clothes - apparently none of her clothes are comfortable. I take her to the shops and let her choose stuff (within reason) and then the following day she refuses to wear them and has a meltdown - they are too big, too small, they have seams (!!), too itchy, too scratchy, too baggy, they look wrong......I have heard it all. I think 1.5 hours is a really long time to leave a child crying though, I think a cuddle would be a good idea at this point and a chat. I do find that with the clothes thing suggesting we give the clothes away to her friends as she isn't going to wear them herself usually has her suddenly changing her tune....

hevonbu · 31/12/2017 12:42

I recall from when I myself was five the feeling of trying to get what you want by crying, screaming etc. and being left alone in my room the realisation that it was pointless, it didn't have the desired effect on my mum, and so I stopped crying. I really recall the episode quite vividly to this day!

Original poster

NapQueen · 31/12/2017 12:43

It is not an isolated incident, and she needs to get dressed as she needs to get outside for some fresh air. Which she didnt get yesterday as we had the same fucking charade.

Its all attention. The sound of the sobs, the stomping. Hence why she has been left to sort it out because I cannot give her attention when she is behaving like this.

Its not new. And im at the end of my rope with it all tbh.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 31/12/2017 12:45

To be honest, I'd assume she was coming down with something OP.

Whenever mine behave like this...multiple tantrums...they're coming down with something

Yep same here ^^ or the comedown from Christmas.

Does she’s need to get dressed? Maybe a jarmie day with a quilt might help if you aren’t going anywhere?

YouTheCat · 31/12/2017 12:47

Maybe she feels overwhelmed at having to make the decision?

Put all the clothes away. Give her a pair of leggings and a jumper and tell her you're all going out. Possibly add in the incentive of a small treat from somewhere (and I mean small).

speakout · 31/12/2017 12:48

I would ignore the strops.

Try to remain calm and cheerful.

Sometimes our children need to be shown how to get themselves into a better mood.
Leaving them to stew is not always the best option.
Could you suggest baking/making pizza for tea together- plan but then realise you need some ingredient- which requires a quick outing to the shop?

WunWun · 31/12/2017 12:48

We occasionally have this sort of thing with our 6 year old DD. I think 90 mins is long enough to say 'Enough of this now. Put your clothes on or there is no TV/whatever else for the rest of the day'.

WunWun · 31/12/2017 12:50

When it starts going back and forth between crying and hugs and stropping and stomping then its time to stop cajouling and offering treats.

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/12/2017 12:54

She is six, she needs/deserves your attention.

cindersrella · 31/12/2017 12:55

Very busy few weeks. Probably overwhelmed. Is there no reasoning with her at all?

I have a 7 year old and just as she was turning 7 ( I would say the month before) she went really stroppy and moody and angry with me! Spoke to a few people about this and apparently when girls get to around this age they can have an hormonal surge that is linked to puberty.... I put it down to this. She settled after a few months!

If you google it there's quite a few people saying the same too.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 31/12/2017 12:56

give her clothes, tell her to put them on (removing the choice) dress her if necessary.

i genuinely couldn't be arsed with this every day.

Jepthah · 31/12/2017 12:58

No, she’s had plenty of attention and it’s not working. It’s time to leave her to it, she will soon learn that screaming and stomping about is not the best way to get attention.

gamerchick · 31/12/2017 12:59

give her clothes, tell her to put them on (removing the choice) dress her if necessary

I’ve always done this with my 3. They never got the choice growing up. I just put outfit out and they put it on... no aggro. 10 onwards they chose their own clothes.

WunWun · 31/12/2017 12:59

She deserves your attention but you wouldn't be doing her any favours to let this go on. She needs snapping out of it now.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/12/2017 13:00

If she's got tights on, and dress out, I'd just go in, chatting, tidying, breezy, then say.. Right, the dress then? Come on.. And put it on her.

She sounds knackered tbh.

Original poster

NapQueen · 31/12/2017 13:03

Its going to have to come to me phyiscally putting the clothes on her if she doesnt do it herself. Which I dont want to do.

OP posts:

Nettleskeins · 31/12/2017 13:03

Personally, I would stop trying to get her outside, open the windows (fresh air) and start making an alternate plan.

Distraction can help wonderfully with tantrums/strops. Could someone come over, ring the doorbell, change the atmosphere.

I find demands made in a stropfest atmosphere never succeed, they will go on trying to control things in one way or another for the rest of the day. Until they have completely forgotten demands are being made.

Children hate random requests, and they hate transitions, especially when the rest of the year it is pretty much routine. Dd was perfectly awful at that age, and I wish I had done things differently. I do remember that a unexpected distraction from her desire to control events (ie: grandma arriving, post arriving, cat giving birth under the bed) worked wonders, reason and boundaries hardly ever did [sigh]

WunWun · 31/12/2017 13:05

Even with the threat of loss of tv time or whatever floats her boat?

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