AIBU to feel left out because I'm not on social media?

[PaxUniversalis]

I don't use social media. I'm not on FB, Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp, etc.

I feel increasingly left out by friends and family and I think the reason for this is that I have refused to be on social media. 99% of my friends and family - young and old - are on social media and they keep in touch mainly via Facebook.

I'm probably old fashioned but my ways of communicating with people are: face to face, text messaging, email, telephone. In my 'old fashioned' mindset I believe that people have the tools to keep in touch with me: they have my landline number, my mobile number, my email address and my postal address. We all managed to keep in touch with friends and family before social media existed (I'm nearly 50 - just to put things into perspective).

None of my old friends ever get in touch with me spontaneously anymore, except to communicate important messages, like a death or a wedding or such like. I do try and keep in touch with them by sending emails. They do reply to my emails - actually 1 person is very good, she replies very quickly - but the majority of people only reply when it suits them - sometimes this is weeks later! Or they don't reply at all anymore. However, they all seem to be very active on FB and they send FB messages back and forth instantly to others (I know this because a friend of mine showed me the messages on her FB account).
So why do they keep in touch with others on FB but not with me via email? Perhaps I'm not that important to them?

One friend even announced that she was going to get married on FB. I only found out by accident a week or two before the wedding because I happened to be talking to a mutual friend who is on FB. Not good.

I'm talking about old friends here. Most of them know that I'm not on social media yet they never send me an email to say 'hello, how are you' from time to time. I'm always the one sending emails to them. Yes, they do reply - eventually - but It seems to be a one-way street here as I'm always the one doing the instigating.
Very frustrating as a lot of friends and family live hundreds of miles away (in the town where I grew up) so I don't see them a lot during the year.

I still prefer face to face or voice to voice (phone) contact with people if I'm honest. I know I could join social groups if I wanted face to face interaction but I'm a bit disappointed in my family and friends.
AIBU?

PaxUniversalis in the kindest way YABU and I say this from a similar position of understanding.

You aren’t being ‘old fashioned’, more uninformed

My fb profile is super private and empty. But I can now increase my exposure to events I want to go to which increases how much I meet up with other people - more face to face interactions!

WhatsApp keeps me in touch daily with my family scattered across the world for free instead of those fortnightly landline conversations I remember from my childhood where everyone waits in line to shout down a crackly phone line for a few minutes then pass the receiver onto the next family member (I remember those times nostalgically but this is better!)

Not having SM or a tumble drier or a microwave is absolutely your choice. But not having them is not a badge of honour for keeping it real like the old days. The old days weren’t necessarily better.

Sorry if someone has already said this, but you don't even need a Facebook account to be on Facebook messenger. I set my dad up with his mobile number and after initial nervousness he now loves it and we keep in touch using it regularly. It also means he can easily contact other friends who are on Facebook without actually having to go on Facebook. It has rekindled some relationships for him. Could that be an idea OP?

Mumsnet is social media. Text messaging is also pretty new. You are choosing to opt and make it harder for people to keep in touch. Why test people this way?

“I find the level of hostility displayed by some on here to social media refuseniks quite interesting”

I think it is about the refuseniks refusing to understand how it works, not about them refusing to adopt it. Also, if Messenger/WhatsApp is the only method your friends use to keep in touch I don’t think the OP is reasonable to complain that they don’t keep in touch with her as often.

I have just deactivated facebook for three months while I concentrate on work, my divorce and weight loss, my house has suddenly turned into the Marie celeste.
I still get messages from everyone though on messenger. Social media is such a waste of time.

I did deactivate FB mainly because many people who are close to me don't use it or very sporadically use it so I was left with updates on friends of work colleagues and overdoses of certain FB dailies, you know, the ones that check in wherever they go. I don't miss it as whatsapp has taken over and I like that nobody else can see you and friend request like FB. No matter how I tried to keep FB small I would get those requests that I felt bad about not accepting.

Irritated " Social media is such a waste of time."

thanks for using social media to tell us that.

as the song says "it's in the way that you use it".

If you think social media is a waste of time, you're not doing it right.

I'm not on Facebook and am very happy with that. I'm not missing out at all and I personally wouldn't put personal info about me or my family out there.

I do however use WhatsApp constantly. It's not social media, just an easier way to contact people - for example my MIL set up a group for her, me and her daughter (my SIL) so we can text about baby related bits - very sweet of her and a good way to swap advice etc. I am also on Instagram. I post photos of my illustrations and I follow people that I find interesting (mainly artists and illustrators). You don't need to post personal stuff at all or buy into the whole perfect life instagram feeds - unless you want to!

I post photos of my illustrations and I follow people that I find interesting (mainly artists and illustrators). You don't need to post personal stuff at all or buy into the whole perfect life instagram feeds - unless you want to!

The same applies to facebook.

I'm not on Facebook and am very happy with that. I'm not missing out at all and I personally wouldn't put personal info about me or my family out there

You don't have to put any personal info 'out there'. I have few FB friends, mostly far flung family and a few friends who live miles away. Everything is totally locked down privacy wise, no one can see anything if they search my name. Even my profile picture is not a picture of me. Of my few FB friends, they are sorted into 'family', 'friends' and 'acquaintances' so when I post (which isn't often) I can decide whether everyone sees what I post or just family etc. You can make FB as private as you wish.

What's the difference between Facebook messenger and WhatsApp? I understand Facebook own them both?

I find whatsapp far easier to manage, it's easier on there with groups, I like the simple way you can see if someone has read your message, and there's no ads on whatsapp.

You can tell if someone is already online with Messenger (unless they adjust their settings)

None of DD's friends use WhatsApp BTW. I don't think it is as popular with teenagers as Messenger is. I am happy to be corrected on this.

I dunno, we're past the teen stage and my DCs are adults and are all Whatsappers

I can decide whether everyone sees what I post or just family etc. You can make FB as private as you wish.

Yes and no.
You can make it private from other FB users, but not from Facebook itself.
FB sees and uses everything you post including what you post, when you post, where you are when you post it, and what other sites you are logged into. It aggregates that with other sources of data about you that it can use itself and sell on to other companies.
Remember the FB is not a free public service. You pay to use it, but with your personal information instead of with money. Just like most social media (including MN), you are actually the product.
It's all perfectly legal of course, because you give them permission when you sign up to their terms, and if you understand why FB is provided then fine, go ahead and use it.

WhatsApp is connected to your mobile number and FB messenger is connected to your account so theoretically you can log on from anywhere, whereas with WhatsApp you need to use one specific phone.

Gladallover Yes, agree on this

"WhatsApp is connected to your mobile number and FB messenger is connected to your account so theoretically you can log on from anywhere, whereas with WhatsApp you need to use one specific phone."

This ^^

I prefer to use Messenger on my laptop as I prefer to type on a proper keyboard.

Happy New Year to all of you! I was feeling a bit under the weather today hence my silence.

Thank you for all you comments and suggestions. Having thought about things I may consider signing up to Whatsapp as it sounds quite a useful tool from the information you have provided. I'm still not sure about Facebook, Twitter, etc.
Instagram, maybe.

Two of my new year's resolutions are: making the bond with all my friends and my family (most of whom live hundreds of miles away, in the town where I grew up) stronger. And making new friends in the town where DH and I now live. We do have a small circle of friends here but a lot of the time our friends are busy with parent/grandparent duties whereas DH and I don't have children.
I have lots of interests but not necessarily enough friends who share my interests or who have time do do these things with me (walking, going to rock/pop concerts, modern art & architecture, visiting art galleries, social history, going out, just to name a few).
So I am going to join 2 local social groups that interest me, starting this week.
I hope it works. I'm not ready to give up emailing and texting friends though.

Happy New Year Pax.

hope it all goes well for you and I hope you feel better soon.

Sounds good. WhatsApp is really good, like efficient texting. FB is such a pain and full of so much bullshit that I don't take it seriously. You can however use it just for messenger and it will email you if someone's messages you or puts you on an invite. So just setting it up for that might be useful. If you do set up a FB account, don't have a app on ur phone/tablet. Makes you less likely to bother logging in. The other two, twitter and instagram are not me. That really is about people feeding their egos, can't be aresed with that. Pinterest is quite interesting if you want mindless surfing on a few chosen topics. But get WhatsApp, it's pretty good and sounds like it will suit you.

Pax sounds like a good plan. I wasn't suggesting you substitute social media for email/texting. I do both. I'm sure you'll find like-minded folk in your new groups, the walking groups I know are very sociable!

Nice one OP

although I find Instagram really dull personally

@PuppyMonkey

although I find Instagram really dull personally

Well I thought of Instagram because a couple of acquaintances are on it and it doesn't look too involved or time consuming. Or am I wrong thinking this?