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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think, what the f*ck????

122 replies

Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 18:56

I have an iPhone. My partner used to have and we shared a computer to update and all that stuff.
Been together 5 years, have two children together and he has an older son that lives with us 50/50.
I was just listening to my recordings of our little boy when he was tiny cooing and trying to talk. Then I stumble across 3 recordings of my partners whispering that must have merged with mine from the computer. For example:
"It's September 23rd. She's trying to say SS broke the baby gate just because he was upstairs near it at the time. I have photo evidence, repeat photo evidence of the break. She's saying it was him. Again, September 23rd"
And a couple more like that Blush
What in the hell?! Am I being unreasonable to think that's not normal behaviour

OP posts:
Willswife · 30/12/2017 20:32

I'm sorry, it sounds like the actions of someone with mental illness (other than depression).

diddl · 30/12/2017 20:33

I mean evidence against the Op would be that the gate wasn't broken or that he knew his son was out of the house at the time.

He's talking crap but as if it's meaningful.

Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:33

Regularsizedrudy,
You could be right, or I could have made a small snippet of it available on this post and it just reads that way. I'm not a walkover and we bounce off of each other almost perfectly....most of the time. We accept each other and for the most part agree and love all the same things. Just every now and again something random and weird happens that is unnecessary and frustrating.

Side note, I'm far too old to use 'lol' as often as I do, it's a habit.

All I can do is talk to him calmly and go from there I guess. I need to know his motives at the time and if there's any other stuff I don't know about. I do love him and I don't believe in giving up without extremely good reason. But if there's good reason, I will. Life is too short to stay in the wrong relationship

OP posts:
Cherrycokewinning · 30/12/2017 20:36

Well with 2 children under 5 I certainly wouldn’t be making any snap decisions either.

YellowFlower201 · 30/12/2017 20:40

He sounds very mentally unwell and you sound overly confident in saying you can handle his manipulations whatever that means.
you're rationalising bad behaviour rather than accepting it for what it is. He tells you it's over but that's ok cos he's upset about your SS's behaviour. He should not be making statements like that cos he had a bad day with SS! The whole thing sounds very odd. Maybe you both need help with how to deal with his 'depression'?

Believeitornot · 30/12/2017 20:40

What are the random and weird things?

HeebieJeebies456 · 30/12/2017 20:41

sounds like he had a narrative going on his head and was trying to keep 'evidence' to 'expose' you with.
THAT is dangerous.
It sounds like he has more serious mental health issues going on than just depression.

You can't discuss issues/problems with him because he refuses to engage - prefers to avoid it by playing the victim and/or blaming you.

I wonder what would have happened if he'd hurt dc or used a genuine accident to turn the blame on you openly, and used his 'evidence' as 'proof'?

He sounds unhinged and dangerous actually.

theftbyfinding · 30/12/2017 20:41

Some antidepressants can cause hideous paranoia, what type is he on op and how long ago did he start them? Could it tie in with the recordings?

AdalindSchade · 30/12/2017 20:50

10% of shit, manipulative behaviour, regularly threatening to leave you, recording weird and paranoid messages about you...all sounds pretty awful.

Doublemint · 30/12/2017 21:07

Those are very odd recordings @Dsmummy . I would

Make a copy of the recordings and email them to myself.

Insist DH booked and went to a Drs appt

Talk to my HV about my concerns.

I also wonder what he other weird and random things are that have happened?

And did he mean you (OP) are single now or that he (DH) is? And he's trying to deflect and dramatise.

SouthWestmom · 30/12/2017 21:29

Hi op

This all sounds a bit scary

So you mean you now have the phone? So it has your Apple ID etc? In which case he must have recorded on your phone using your passcode etc?

That's really freaky.

Rossigigi · 30/12/2017 21:30

OP I don't often talk about my mental health on here, but I am bipolar.

This sounds like me when I have gone into a paranoid stage.

The problem with being 'in it' as you are, is that you get used to the behaviour because it becomes the norm.

When I had my diagnosis, my dp was shocked. It was only when we went though my behaviour and things I had done/do that really was not 'normal' but he was used to it being the norm, that we actually understood what was going on.

Even now, I'm more aware when my mood is escalating, through learning about it and identifying triggers, then he is , because to him it's just 'rossigigi' it's normal.

Please get him an appointment and if you can go in with him. Make notes before hand of things he does. Really look at it from outside the box. Imagine a friend looking at the behaviour. If you think 'I don't want someone seeing that, hearing that etc' then that's the behaviour you need to write down.

Sorry if I'm not making much sense!- blame the prosecco!

Rossigigi · 30/12/2017 21:32

How long has he been on anti depressants and when did he last have a meds review?

ItsNachoCheese · 30/12/2017 21:35

He sounds quite unwell. Thats not behaviour of someone who is of sound mind. He needs to seek help asap

Sweetpea55 · 30/12/2017 22:10

It sounds weird..

Sunshineface123 · 30/12/2017 22:22

I don't think you should drop it until you have a full explanation, however strange it might be.
He definitely sounds like he needs to access help for his mental health.

Sheeeesh · 30/12/2017 22:40

I think he needs help.

First step GP appointment.

Carouselfish · 30/12/2017 22:49

When I was still not sure if things would work with my ex, I kept one or two notes of rubbish things he'd done like unsafe driving with baby etc. To use in case of custody battles I suppose or maybe just for my own list of things to read back and get my ducks in a row when sitting down to talk to him. It'd be awful if he found them now as we're best friends. Maybe it's something like that, recording times he thought you'd wronged SS so he could have it out with you about them later?

DownTheChimney · 30/12/2017 22:52

Could it be that, because these recordings are from a while ago, that he was feeling a bit insecure with you/your new relationship with ss. Still very peculiar though Confused

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 30/12/2017 22:57

Depression is a very complex illness which can make you paranoid and can lead to psychosis. At his most I’ll he could be hearing voices, having delusions etc so for those saying it sounds more than depression well it could be but it might be that his mood is down.

NoMudNoLotus · 30/12/2017 23:07

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes i couldnt have put it better myself.

Im a very long in the tooth mental health nurse and depression can be very complex causing some people to become paranoid .

I have to say OP it sounds like your DP has some significant mental health issues that i would be insisting he gets reviewed in light of your findings Thanks

seasidelife · 30/12/2017 23:25

I think because there are children involved pp's warnings should be taken seriously. The timing doesn't help but I wonder if an out of hours doctor might be able to help without having to wait days or weeks for a normal gp appointment.

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