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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think, what the f*ck????

122 replies

Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 18:56

I have an iPhone. My partner used to have and we shared a computer to update and all that stuff.
Been together 5 years, have two children together and he has an older son that lives with us 50/50.
I was just listening to my recordings of our little boy when he was tiny cooing and trying to talk. Then I stumble across 3 recordings of my partners whispering that must have merged with mine from the computer. For example:
"It's September 23rd. She's trying to say SS broke the baby gate just because he was upstairs near it at the time. I have photo evidence, repeat photo evidence of the break. She's saying it was him. Again, September 23rd"
And a couple more like that Blush
What in the hell?! Am I being unreasonable to think that's not normal behaviour

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 30/12/2017 19:54

Without trying to sound extreme I would make sure to keep these recordings you found. He sounds as though he could potentially be a bit paranoid himself and able to twist a normal everyday life event into a more fantastical, worse type of thing IYKWIM. Honestly I think I'd be questioning whether I really wanted to stay in a relationship with someone who seems to believe I could be out to get him/his son!

mumpoints · 30/12/2017 19:54

Sorry, posted before realising there were more pages to the thread. Ignore last question please.

The "I'm single" thing, is that a threat? Does he mean he will leave?

ijustwannadance · 30/12/2017 20:01

MissTeri my DBro was like your dad. BPD. When clearing his flat after he died I found lists of peoples names with the things they had done to/against him.
Some went back to his school days!

Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:08

I suppose I do sound flippant, I don't mean to. I'm trying to keep it as level headed and calm as possible.
I see through all his theatrics, not a lot of people do. SS hurt his feelings today quite badly but instead of dealing with it with him he's sat on it and when I (coincidentally) found these recordings all of his squashed down upset cane out. He's very scared to upset SS, I think deep down he worries that he will stop staying if he does. That was possibly a drip feed but it seemed unrelated at first as these silly weird recordings aren't that recent.

OP posts:
64BooLane · 30/12/2017 20:11

That makes sense and it doesn’t seem like drip feeding. I am concerned on your behalf though. Just because you see past the theatrics doesn’t mean it’s a healthy dynamic.

fizzthecat1 · 30/12/2017 20:11

OP were you going through a bad patch? Maybe he was recording these things to use against you in argument's at a later date? Or if he was going to end things to use against you with other people? I don't think he's necessarily insane.

MyLoveIsAPrickOnATudorRose · 30/12/2017 20:12

At best he sounds emotionally immature, at worst potentially very unwell. Please be safe.

neveradullmoment99 · 30/12/2017 20:13

He sounds as though he could potentially be a bit paranoid himself and able to twist a normal everyday life event into a more fantastical
Yes, he sounds paranoid. That can be part of depression. He may also be hearing things. Not normal. He sound like he has become defensive because he has been exposed.

AlwaysPondering · 30/12/2017 20:14

Well don't let this be brushed under the carpet OP. He needs to explain himself.

diddl · 30/12/2017 20:15

Sorry, I can't even make sense of the first one-if it's accurate.

Photo evidence that the gate is broken? Now if he had evidence that the gate wasn't broken...

He doesn't sound at all well.

I'd be scared!

Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:15

Well I'm hoping it's less having mh issues and more being a bit of a wa*ker.
We have 2 children of our own and I couldn't ask for a better family dynamic (plus ss of course) so the 90 percent perfection I would really like to keep, I'm obviously hoping this weirdness was just stupidity and that he's embarrassed to be caught out.
Let's face it they aren't exactly horrifying tales of anything so who would even care to hear them.
I don't know

OP posts:
RaspberryOverload · 30/12/2017 20:16

OP, you say the recordings are not that recent. Can you be certain there are none more recent? It does sound like there is cause for concern here, at least.

DistanceCall · 30/12/2017 20:21

You don't seem to take this very seriously, judging by the number of "lols".

Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:21

diddl, that's what I thought too. And then I thought, he's done this in a mood and is literally talking twaddle. He may have forgotten all about it I suppose, until now. He doesn't have the same phone even so could be that he's embarrassed

OP posts:
Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:22

Distancecall, what can I say, I over 'lol' when I'm typing.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 30/12/2017 20:23

It sounds like you’ve settled for a shit relationship to be honest and are so used to it you don’t realise how weird it all is.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 30/12/2017 20:24

I'm confused. What's his explanation for why he is making weird recordings about your and his sons interactions? Very odd. Confused

Anniethinggose · 30/12/2017 20:24

This sounds like just a snippet of what's going on in his mind, as you've only happened to stumble on these recordings.
His 'evidence gathering' is something wise to do in instances of domestic violence for example, but his don't make sense, to a sound mind.
Without trying to worry you, is there any chance he's rigged your phone, laptop or put spyware any where else? I'd feel uneasy, sorry.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2017 20:25

It sounds like he was a bit concerned with the incidents (rightly or wrongly) and logged them. Which you see MN posters advise all the time. But nothing has come of it. I’m not really sure if he’s done anything that wrong. I think if I was in your shoes I would probably more be asking if he has any concerns of how you handle things with SS and to discuss it calmly rather than it be about “secret recordings”. If that’s how he chooses to note stuff, so what? How difference is it to writing it down in a diary or such?

Cherrycokewinning · 30/12/2017 20:26

OP many years ago my husband had a breakdown and the things he used to say remind me so much of this strange recoding. He thought his iPhone was spying on him. Amongst other paranoias.

Absolutely nothing as serious as Schizophrenia which is very unlikely. Years of severe stress (and I mean severe situational stress, not a ongoing mental illness) caused a breakdown.

He’s fully recovered. But you need to speak to him- and be patient if you believe there may be a emotional reason behind this. He won’t be kind or rational and it’s frustrating.

EnidButton · 30/12/2017 20:26

I've much younger relatives who use lol as punctuation almost. It looks a bit odd when it's a serious subject though. Unless you don't think it is. From the outside it all sounds pretty toxic.

EnidButton · 30/12/2017 20:27

He must never try to come off anti depressants on his own btw. It needs careful monitoring by a GP and done very very slowly.

Original poster
Dsmummy · 30/12/2017 20:27

To be honest although I'm certain he hasn't, if he had it would make very boring info for him!

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 30/12/2017 20:28

It may be misguided on your part to assume he no longer harbours those kind of thoughts and feelings towards you. It's very suggestive of mental unwellness - he may never acknowledge this though. I only managed to get my ex in front of a doctor once in years of his madness. He declined anti-psychotic medication and said he was fine. He thought he was fine - he thought I was the problem. He's still peddling that nonsense now, years later. Living with a person who hates you and plots against you is awful. I would urge you to give serious consideration to the possibility that that's what you might be dealing with here.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/12/2017 20:30

He sounds unhinged. Nothing ‘lol’ about this.

And when you asked him, out with the ‘you’re single’ bullshit...

The absolute crap people put up with, from hopeless and pathetic dickwads, just to stay in a relationship....?!

OP this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship for you to be in.

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