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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why this was deleted?

112 replies

SpiritedAweigh · 30/12/2017 12:11

Have about 5 stone to lose and am very self concious.
My sister did a pole fitness class and loved it last year and I really wanted to do it myself as a way to gain confidence and get fit.

A pole company posted on FB in our local page about pole fitness classes. I looked on their FB page and as expected everyone with their 1 month beginner course certificates were very toned and fit.

I am worried I wouldn't even be able to lift myself Grin and am self conscious about shorts.
So I replied to the advert "Hello, this looks fun, do you do any plus size classes please?

The owner 'liked' the reply and said "we don't care about your size! You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be Great! We welcome all sizes!"

Which is nice but I replied

"Thankyou, but I know that I myself and other larger ladies would feel more comfortable in a class with people of a similar body shape for confidence reasons. Maybe you could look into this?

My comment was deleted. Then the whole post was deleted Hmm

I messaged the man who posted it who said it wasn't him that deleted it and it must have been his admin (it was his personal fb page) and before I could reply he BLOCKED me :/

Aibu to think it was weird to delete it and block me over asking a question??

OP posts:
Neonrainbow · 30/12/2017 15:24

Plus size pole fitness classes are a great idea. It's a fantastic form of exercise but you have to wear clothes that reveal a lot of skin to climb the pole. But then you'd find that a size 10 woman probably isn't any stronger than you are and size doesnt really matter. But first you've got to get over the mental hurdle of revealing your entire legs and more. It is good for toning and weight loss because the first challenge is finding an excercise you can enjoy. No point going running if you hate it.

Find a different class op.

FoggieFishieCarpeDiem · 30/12/2017 15:30

@DotCottonDotCom

Could I book private lessons in most studios?

In my case it isn’t necessarily weight (although my stomach isn’t what it once was after two pregnancies...) but the fact that I was always told that I was clumsy / too heavy to be graceful and that watching me dance or do gymnastic was painful as a kid but even as a teen and an adult (thank you, mama Hmm).

I was a very chubby kid and later a very muscular / buff teen and adult... (so it’s not like her comments were totally undeserved)
So for me it’s more about not feeling that I could be graceful.

Thehogfather · 30/12/2017 15:31

Exactly olivander. I'm usually very fit, but following an accident I couldn't exercise for ages and lost a lot of muscle. Yet despite not gaining any fat I was far weaker than I am with the extra weight from lean muscle I normally have.

alleypalley · 30/12/2017 15:39

It’s bloody rude is what it is. If you’d have walked into his studio to ask a couple of questions and he didn’t want to answer one would he have just turned his back, walked away and shut the door in your face? I’ve never deleted someone or blocked them from my business fb page.

Thehogfather · 30/12/2017 15:45

foggie honestly don't let that put you off. Dd and I both have dancers physiches, but taller than most. I'm entirely graceless, and dance like an elephant, and I'm shite at gymnastics too. My physiche just disguises how truly elephant like I am. Think giraffe with coordination issues attempting to skip.

Dd is about average in terms of how graceful she is, and I swear her weight quadruples when she's going up/ down stairs. Again her physiche gives the impression of more grace than she has. Average dancer, crap at gymnastics.

The most graceful girl I have ever seen is well built, short, and stocky, and not remotely elegant in appearance. But I swear she doesn't dance or do gym etc like somebody who is good, she floats.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/12/2017 15:46

yabu.
Your kind of response is so patronising for a business owner, who will without doubt have already considered your suggestion and dismissed it for their own reasons. Which they are entitled to do as it's their business to run as they like.

I run my own business, and luckily have a super long waiting list, so cut off anyone who remotely seems like a pita at the first chance.

chandlersfraud · 30/12/2017 15:53

Weird it was deleted but I probably would have left if after his first response.

As an aside, i would also quite like a class for overweight/unfit people! It's not fun being the fattest and most unfit in a class when you join and I'm always worried it's going to be too hard. Obviously you couldn't call it 'fatties class' or anything but maybe 'beginners' or 'entry level' or something.

Not pole fit though. I'd be a tad worried about the pole snapping and there's a lot of upper body & core strength required so not sure it's an 'entry level' fitness activity really. At least that's my perception!

Ollivander84 · 30/12/2017 15:54

chandler - most places do different levels including beginner. I used to panic constantly about breaking the pole or hoop Blush

Ollivander84 · 30/12/2017 15:57

And some photos for anyone who wants to give it a go! I was around 16st something in these photos

To wonder why this was deleted?
To wonder why this was deleted?
BornInSydneyy · 30/12/2017 16:00

But then you'd find that a size 10 woman probably isn't any stronger than you are and size doesnt really matter.

Sorry but it does. If you’re having to lift yourself up, it’s going to be harder physically if you’re carrying more weight.

That’s not to say if you have extra weight you can’t do it. Just that it will be that more challenging.

DotCottonDotCom · 30/12/2017 16:01

@foggie I’d be shocked to hear of a studio that wouldn’t offer a private tbh, they do cost more but you will get a LOT for your money. Some of our students started out as privates and just slipped into classes when they felt ready.

I hear you though, I was told I couldn’t do ballet, I did not have the flexibility. Two kids later I decided to give Pole a go. Changed my life.

DotCottonDotCom · 30/12/2017 16:02

PS my flexibility is still shit Xmas Grin

MiaowTheCat · 30/12/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/12/2017 16:28

I think the fact that the OP kept pestering made the studio owner think 'Oh fuck, a whining snowflake' and block before things got worse. 'Our classes welcome everyone' is a perfectly valid and reasonable response from a small business.

Thehogfather · 30/12/2017 16:47

miaow I can see the need for sports bras in bigger sizes, but I don't think anyone really needs proper kit unless they are seriously training, at which point I imagine the person would have lost weight & the kit available would fit.

Gyms and classes aren't my choice, but when I had to have a temporary change recovering from an injury, or when I've been dragged along as company for a friend, I've never felt the need for proper sports kit. Just decent sports bra and comfy clothes.

MiaowTheCat · 30/12/2017 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 30/12/2017 16:52

If you’d have walked into his studio to ask a couple of questions and he didn’t want to answer one would he have just turned his back, walked away and shut the door in your face?
No.
But then would the OP seriously have turned up to visit a studio, ask about the classes, be given a perfectly reasonable response (that classes are for all sizes abd structured by ability) and that they should come and try it only to inform the studio owner that the studio should be running different classes to accomodate her hangups?

There's too many people of the view that 'I am a customer/potential customer so if you don't do what I like then i'll go straight to your social media and have a whine' when if they were there in person, they'd say absolutely nothing or would be much more polite and a lot less 'you should be begging me to use your service'.

Studios offer classes that match their market. It'a why often there will be more beginner classes and they tend to be at the 'better' times and more advanced classes tend to be fewer and later. Logic being people ready for advanced classes are more willing to attend a specific time and there's also fewer people in advanced classes because of natural hobby drop out. Once you're in a studio, owners are usually receptive to hearing what might be improved but why would an owner want to rejig their timetable and start a new class for person on social media whining when they may be the only person in the class and they're so new ro the sport that they may not last 4 weeks.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/12/2017 16:55

I can't see your photos, Ollivander but you're an inspiration. I hope that doesn't sound patronising but I'm in awe of people who challenge themselves rather than sit on the sofa (as I do too often). Star

RedDogsBeg · 30/12/2017 17:07

I don't see what the class instructor did wrong either.

OP: Do you run plus size classes?

Instructor: No, everyone is welcome irrespective of size and shape.

OP: Oh no, that's not the right business model, I want you to run classes for people who look like me because I don't want to be around people who are slimmer than me.

No wonder he blocked her.

To say nothing of the minefield of advertising classes for Plus size people.

Thehogfather · 30/12/2017 17:12

I can't get them either, men's length, kids width. Not fussed now but leggings and body confidence can be just as bad if you're thin, too.

Fair enough though if you'd feel happier in jogging bottoms. Would you feel confident in footless tights and shorts if you're struggling to find something suitable?

DoculamentDoculament · 30/12/2017 17:14

How tall are you Ollivander if you're 16 stone something in those photos?

You don't look anything other than slightly overweight. I think OP is talking about someone who is objectively very overweight and struggling with feeling self-concious because of that.

My Mum weighs less than you but has a huge midriff/belly. I don't think she'd see you as overweight like her at all. And I don't from those pictures.

That's not to say you're not or that you don't feel that way but if I was an objectively overweight person and saw your pictures I wouldn't think you were in the same league at all. In fact I'd think 'God I'm massive even compared to the people that think they are'.

Ollivander84 · 30/12/2017 17:29

Around 5ft 10. I've lost since those but I was about a size 16 bottom and 16/18 top

FoggieFishieCarpeDiem · 30/12/2017 18:09

Ollivander

I saw your pic. You brave person, putting that on the internet.
You don’t look bad doing that upside down thing, btw.

In my case it isn’t the weight or fitness related...

Because whilst I was an overweight kid (which imo was actually kind of my parents’ responsibility) I definitely wasn’t an overweight teen or adult. I just gain muscles easily and did a lot of sports and martial arts.

But no, I don’t think I could try dancing infront of strangers if I didn’t even know what I was doing. We had to practice ages for our wedding dance and I had DH with me. (Not to mention that I had to take ballroom dancing as a teen amd therefore knew what I was doing).

I’m usually quite self confident. But not when I’m supposed to look elegant, graceful etc...

Point being, I’m too afraid of shared classes. I think I might book a private one.

I wonder if there are classes that are more about aesthetics or some that are more about fitness.... (I’d be better at the latter)

ChiaraRimini · 30/12/2017 18:23

Jeez, I've just started a class where I am the fattest one there. Shows it works!! Hopefully I'll be less fat if I stick with it. I don't suppose anyone there gives a stuff how big I am...

FindoGask · 30/12/2017 18:29

As SGB says, I think alarm bells started ringing when you wouldn't let it go, OP. The business FB page is like an online store front - you don't want someone standing there complaining while you're trying to entice people in!