To wonder why this was deleted?

[SpiritedAweigh]

Have about 5 stone to lose and am very self concious.
My sister did a pole fitness class and loved it last year and I really wanted to do it myself as a way to gain confidence and get fit.

A pole company posted on FB in our local page about pole fitness classes. I looked on their FB page and as expected everyone with their 1 month beginner course certificates were very toned and fit.

I am worried I wouldn't even be able to lift myself and am self conscious about shorts.
So I replied to the advert "Hello, this looks fun, do you do any plus size classes please?

The owner 'liked' the reply and said "we don't care about your size! You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be Great! We welcome all sizes!"

Which is nice but I replied

"Thankyou, but I know that I myself and other larger ladies would feel more comfortable in a class with people of a similar body shape for confidence reasons. Maybe you could look into this?

My comment was deleted. Then the whole post was deleted

I messaged the man who posted it who said it wasn't him that deleted it and it must have been his admin (it was his personal fb page) and before I could reply he BLOCKED me :/

Aibu to think it was weird to delete it and block me over asking a question??

And yes of course a pole dancing class can be a health benefit to a seriously overweight woman. No it won’t magically make her lose several stone but as long as she doesn’t decide she’s “earned” a thousand calories of pizza and chocolate after each class it will do her good - even if it doesn’t make her lose any weight at all. The best sort of exercise is a) enjoyable or motivating enough to make you actually get up and do it b) different from other forms of exercise you do in your everyday life and this could well hit the spot.

(Leaving aside any possible feminist scruples here).

I went to a plus size yoga class in NYC and it was utterly liberating not to worry about flab and wobbly bits. The instructor knew how muffin tops and larger stomachs made it more difficult to bend so he showed us how to amend the moves.

It was so much fun!

To be honest his sing-song-OMGWELOVEEVERYONE fake type way of replying would have put me off in the first place. Like the type of platitude replies you get to various things where you can tell they're nice because it'sa business but its not real.

lolo

What alternative would you suggest?

"You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be Great! "

Not stuff like this. More "I understand your concerns but we will be there to support you. Perhaps you'd like to view a class at first to see what you think?" "Perhaps you'd like to have a trial lesson without no commitment?" etc .

I'm plus size and do both pole fitness and aerial hoop and love both

I wonder how many of the people answering that it's ridiculous asking for a plus-size class have ever been the largest (plus size) woman in the class?

I've tried several times to go to these classes, and they're just not geared for women who are more than a couple of stone overweight, I end up embarrassed and uncomfortable and don't go back.

Go to an exercise class sometime and look around, it's about 90% non plus size, compared to about 50% in the general population. No, it's not just because everyone above a size 14 is too lazy to go to an exercise class by the way, the missing exercisers are being put off going.

I'd love a plus-size exercise class in my area, I'd feel a lot more comfortable than going to a normal class where someone kindly 'lets' me go despite what they think about my size. And yes, these classes do exist, so no, it's not an outrageous thing for the OP to ask.

lolo

Fair enough

I think that if i lacked body confidence, pole dancing would be the last thing I'd try. Very exposing. Very bloody difficult as far as I can see

MyCat

I have been the oldest and unfittest in a class so that's a point of reference I'd use. to answer your question. I felt distinctly crap after a 'return to netball' lesson I went to. But I don't think I like netball enough to power on through that feeling

snowman but why are you comparing the PR of a large organisation to the responses of this class organiser? He'd replied to the OP, been welcoming and inclusive. His response might not have been to yours or OP's taste but he responded politely only to be told he should be thinking of an alternative class. That's really quite overstepping and he didn't want to continue to engage. That's all that happened here.

There may be reasons why he hasn't included a bespoke class for bigger people and he doesn't need to give his reasons for it.

OP and everyone else are still free to attend those classes. I would, they sound great.

Would he have to make expensive changes all his equipment to accommodate fatter people?
Maybe the poles he has can only support up to a certain weight?

I wonder how many of the people answering that it's ridiculous asking for a plus-size class have ever been the largest (plus size) woman in the class?

Not quite the same but I was definitely the biggest in a class of about thirty women when I was a size 12 and super fit at the time. (5'6 and 9 1/2 stones) 😂.

I was like wtf 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😳

He'd replied to the OP, been welcoming and inclusive. His response might not have been to yours or OP's taste but he responded politely only to be told he should be thinking of an alternative class
Exactly.
He had been inclusive and instead of going along an trying it (even maybe Dm the owner to say 'i'd love to try it but feel self conscious), the OP started saying actually those of us who are plus size might want a better class just for us but no doubt we would cry body shaming if anyone did a skinny person class because that's how size issues seem to work.

1. She hasn't even tried the sport so has zero idea what is involved to pass comment on whether a size divide might be appropriate or whether having a size divide would actually really hurt women's self esteem who are just fine in an inclusive environment.
2. She hadn't even attended that studio so has zero idea how the owner runs their classes and yet feels entitled to comment on how plus size people feel about their classes
3. She has decided to take 'i personally would feel better in a room where people aren't smaller than me' and claim 'plus size women...' as if somehow plus size women are a terrible emotional mess who are incapable of going to a class where there's people of all sorts of different sizes.

Maybe the poles he has can only support up to a certain weight?
You'd have to be going some to break a proper pole. People do doubles and triples on pole so someone is going to be exceptionally large to be heavier than 3 reasonably muscular dancers.

PR for small businesses is even more important than that of large businesses. The point was intended to say that large organisations get some stick through social media, but handle it incredibly well in most cases.

If Poleman didn't want to engage, he simply had to close the conversation down on a way that Kiki suggested instead of deleting the comments and blocking the OP.

There's a couple of local businesses here who have closed down recently following handling social media outbursts badly. Poleman beware!

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking, but presumably the person running the class is aware of whether there is a market for it, and entitled to say no.

I'm not sure if it changes anything though, if everyone above eg size 18 is in a separate class, the biggest person is now not just biggest in a mixed class but biggest of the big class, and the previously in the middle size person is now biggest in the other class. So two possibly feeling a bit awkward. Plus all those who are happy in a mixed class but are worried others want them gone, or that others will think them delusional about their size. How do you even police it? By clothes size, weight, body fat %? All a bit blunt really.

It also works both ways though, anyone wanting plus size only can't then be offended if they find out there's a small sizes class, for those who have body confidence issues, or are sick of people thinking it is open season to make skinny comments or assumptions they exercise as part of an ed, or to increase the chance the class will be difficult.

Unnecessary imo but equally as understandable as plus size only.

As a pole instructor I have to say it isn't feasible to just start holding new classes for one person that wants big and slim people to be separated. There are financial and time constraints involved. It is unlikely to be popular judging by the students that show up consistently. Also I feel like I would be patronising bigger students by putting them into a class based on size not ability. Slim women have their insecurities too but would never ask for a slim only class!

Spirited, I thinking about Maisy's response and I wonder if you'd approach this organisation again - perhaps by e-mail (not previously used) and ask if there is the possibility of paying for a 1 on 1 instruction class? Would that be of interest to you?

It would give you an idea of what's involved and how you'd get on with it/enjoy it? That's what I would do if I was a bit reticent about joining a class but wanted to give it a go.

Would he have to make expensive changes all his equipment to accommodate fatter people?
Maybe the poles he has can only support up to a certain weight?
If that was the problem he'd have to stipulate a maximum weight for his general classes, wouldn't he? And he'd have said to the OP that he needed to know her weight to check if she'd be allowed in his class.
He welcomed the OP coming to a general class, so the issue can't be the equipment or suitability of the exercise.

Some people are using the word 'segregation', which is not really what it is, when a class is offered for a particular group. Segregation would be if that group was excluded from the other classes, but there's no suggestion anyone is doing that here.

There are often classes and sessions for people who, for one reason or another may feel uncomfortable in a mixed ability/size/gender group - they can also choose to attend the general group - it is simply another option.

The thing is, it's not really down to weight so much as being able to support and manoeuvre your own bodyweight without causing yourself injury.

It can be difficult to do that at any weight if you don't have the body strength or fitness but, if you are very much heavier than average and your fitness/ability to support your body weight isn't there, engaging in a sport like this (or any really) can be dangerous.

I don't know what insurances would be in place but perhaps the same as the gym? I managed to come flying off a treadmill because I was mucking about with the buttons and was bruised black and blue. No real injury just my pride but I suppose that some sports are inherently more risky.

I personally would think that a great body weight would make this sport more difficult but would be dependent on fitness and ability to support your weight. The ease of doing that at 9 stones is going to be different to somebody weighting 13 stones and so on. But, that's not an indication of fitness and if you are confident that you can participate without injuring yourself then why the hell shouldn't you? :)

I’m not sure I like what you’re suggesting.

I mean, a genuine ‘weight loss class’ for beginners vs a class that may be more focused on technique or maybe toning or idk (I’m not a pole dancer) would make sense.

But a class only open to certain kinds of people seems like a bad idea.

I think he simply didn’t want this discussion on his page. Saying yes or no, he would definitely offend someone. Which would be bad for business.

Yeah it has to be done by ability. Weight doesn't always come into it, I'm strong, lift weights and can support my own body weight even at 16 stone whereas you could have someone of half my weight who can't lift themselves up

Another pole instructor here

Honestly these type of public comments make things awkward for instructors and studio owners.

You can’t ask for a class, it’s like asking for a class to accommodate a time you can make , day you can make etc etc.

This is our job, our timetable is our timetable. Some of us burn the candle at both ends just to keep everyone happy, sometimes instructing is not our only job. Rips our knitting sometimes when people start asking to accommodate personal issues.

Pole fitness classes are indeed extremely inclusive. You will be fine but I don’t blame the man in question.

If you really are concerned, you could book a private lesson.

Exactly so, Ollivander, you were the poster I was thinking about from your earlier post. We need to be more willing to try new classes perhaps, regardless of weight/condition because those things can be improved with work.

I have zero co-ordination (and vertigo) so as much as I like the idea of pole-dancing, I don't think I really should...

Also I think he might have been a little harsh to block you but if you messaged his personal page then I can see why.

Always use their business page or business email address for queries.