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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why this was deleted?

112 replies

SpiritedAweigh · 30/12/2017 12:11

Have about 5 stone to lose and am very self concious.
My sister did a pole fitness class and loved it last year and I really wanted to do it myself as a way to gain confidence and get fit.

A pole company posted on FB in our local page about pole fitness classes. I looked on their FB page and as expected everyone with their 1 month beginner course certificates were very toned and fit.

I am worried I wouldn't even be able to lift myself Grin and am self conscious about shorts.
So I replied to the advert "Hello, this looks fun, do you do any plus size classes please?

The owner 'liked' the reply and said "we don't care about your size! You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be Great! We welcome all sizes!"

Which is nice but I replied

"Thankyou, but I know that I myself and other larger ladies would feel more comfortable in a class with people of a similar body shape for confidence reasons. Maybe you could look into this?

My comment was deleted. Then the whole post was deleted Hmm

I messaged the man who posted it who said it wasn't him that deleted it and it must have been his admin (it was his personal fb page) and before I could reply he BLOCKED me :/

Aibu to think it was weird to delete it and block me over asking a question??

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 30/12/2017 13:01

I agree it would actually be worse if he advertised a plus sized class. It would come across that plus sized women were not welcome in his "normal" class and that he had created a special class "just for the fatties". Believe me, smaller sized women have body issues and confidence crisis too! I've seen plus sized women with awesome flexibility and rhythm and smaller sized women with none. Please go along and join in. You may find it absolutely brilliant and very welcoming.

ZipItZebedee · 30/12/2017 13:02

I agree with many of the other posters. You reply was perfectly ok but I could imagine someone taking it as being a bit 'hard work' iyswim. His initially reply was polite, friendly and encouraging and I think your reply to it didn't quite hit the right note.

I literally wouldn't worry about it tough - if you still want to go to the classes then go.

I don't think anyone cares what size you are if you are in a class.

MaisyPops · 30/12/2017 13:07

So the pole studio are running inclusive classes and will help everyone do better but you (having never done the sport or attended the studio) felt it was your responsibility to correct them on how to do their job.
And you wonder why it was deleted?!
Hmm
Not only that, but imagine the outcry if there was a class for 'women size 12 and under'.

They are saying - "99% of the people who attend our classes are skinny Minnies and that''s the way we like it. Feel free to attend but don't expect us to put on a class for fatties
Of course they aren't! Suggesting they are only accepting skinny people is just typical 'i'm carrying a spot of weight poor me' playing the victim and totally the opposite of what they said!

There are classes for different abilities. You join according to you ability not your size.

Option 1 - join a beginner class and get better
Option 2 - look at booking a private lesson but be aware privates are usually £25-30 an hour
Option 3 - sit at home moping about how the fitness world and his wife are so mean because they won't create plus size classes.

Straycatblue · 30/12/2017 13:08

Who knows, maybe he thought you were trouble making, ie he had already replied to your initial question but you had then pushed it further asking him publicly to look into changing how he run his business.

Its very difficult for someone to reply to that kind of question without being jumped on by those who think he should offer a class for overweight woman. He probably doesnt have time to add extra classes and as others have said, how on earth would he advertise it without offending either the overweight people or the normal weight people who would now be excluded.

Then you private messaged him asking why the post had been deleted, he probably didnt want to enter into any drama.

Dont let it get you down though, lots of pole dancing places do welcome overweight people and indeed he himself said you were welcome to go to his class. Why not go along and give it a shot.

Nancy91 · 30/12/2017 13:10

I'm a pole instructor and I wouldn't ever run a separate class for overweight people. Nor one just for slim people. Everyone is welcome. Your request was odd.

manicinsomniac · 30/12/2017 13:10

I think ScreamingValenta has it.

Having said that, I don't think it is such a shocking idea to have plus sized gym classes.

Big cities have entire gyms for plus sized people, don't they? I think the brand is called 'Curves'. I doubt there's any kind of bmi or size 'rules' - it's probably up to people to decide for themselves that that's the environment they're going to feel comfortable in.

Lovesagin · 30/12/2017 13:11

I kind of understand why a small set up might not want to get embroiled in this - they offer a class for plus size and they'll get people querying why they should be separated, rightly. Can't win situation for them but they could have responded better definitely

Snowman123 · 30/12/2017 13:12

Sounds like the pole company need a lesson in PR and Social Media..............

MaisyPops · 30/12/2017 13:16

Sounds like the pole company need a lesson in PR and Social Media..............
Or maybe the OP needs to actually attend a class before taking to social media and telling a studio owner how to do their job.

The studio owner said all sizes welcome but no, that wasn't enough. The OP (who had neither attended the studio or attempted the sport!) continued to be a PITA on their social media.

Kiki275 · 30/12/2017 13:18

OP isn't correcting them, she's pointing out a niche in the market which he could explore. She's hardly saying 'I'm not coming unless you do a plus size class!!'. He could have politely responded again with less of a 'cut and paste' answer and something that would genuinely reassure you. If someone has mentioned they lack confidence, a few well chosen words can sort that without needing to even look into an extra class. i.e. It's certainly something we can look into, but please come and try what we offer (introductory lesson £x). Our classes are extremely welcoming and it's purely about having fun.

Snowman123 · 30/12/2017 13:20

The OP was simply enquiring about the service this company offered.

Look at the experts who handle social media for large companies..... they handle all sorts of crazy questions in a positive way without blocking anyone or deleting comments.

InfiniteSheldon · 30/12/2017 13:23

He was warm welcoming and inclusive you could of thanked him/ private messages him but that was an odd request would have derailed his lovely positive answer, he is entitled to do what's best for his business and not open it up to trolling.

Elzee · 30/12/2017 13:25

What @straycatblue said. I don't think you did anything wrong per se, but I can kind of understand him deleting and blocking you. You were (in his eyes,) in the throes of starting to make a fuss, and he didn't want the drama.

As someone said, maybe start your own class if you need a 'plump girls pole dancing class.'

I remember posting a pic of my cat who had gone out in the snow, and I took a photo of her up to her neck in it outside the patio doors, just before she shot back in the house.

She was up to her neck in the snow for 5-7 seconds, and I tagged my cat loving friend Jude into it, who posted a laughing smiley. Her 2 daughters LOL'd too and said she looked so funny!

After 10 minutes, one of her facebook friends posted 'OMG poor cat! How incredibly cruel, shoving your cat into the deep snow!' and put a sad Sad smiley next to her post.

I immediately deleted her comment and blocked her. Because her comments were fucking stupid, she wasn't on MY friends list, the post/photo was not for HER, and I didn't want her stupid comments on my page.

Maybe your comments were deleted because the man didn't want your demands for a plus size class, and the subsequent questioning afterwards, to be seen on his facebook page...

@Maisypops

The studio owner said all sizes welcome but no, that wasn't enough. The OP (who had neither attended the studio or attempted the sport!) continued to be a PITA on their social media.

This ^

Snowman123 · 30/12/2017 13:26

Kiki's point is spot on - wouldn't that have been a better & nicer response than deleting and blocking the OP? Would possibly also have attracted more customers that were interested but slightly apprehensive.

Straycatblue · 30/12/2017 13:29

OP

Have a watch of this video for some inspiration, this girl goes to classes that are for all sizes (ie they dont split the sizes up) and is one of the best in her class despite not being typically your skinny pole dancer.

I understand your weight may make you feel self conscious but try not to let it, this girl was bigger than this when she started.
So regardless if you go to the class that was advertised or to some others, hopefully it will give you some inspiration

(not sure if the video link will work, if not go to instagram and kaylzgrant28

www.instagram.com/p/BY6sLheA7xo/?taken-by=kaylzgrant28

alleypalley · 30/12/2017 13:33

Goodness there’s some marry people on here today. Kiki’s post has it spot on.

alleypalley · 30/12/2017 13:34

*mardy

Elzee · 30/12/2017 13:35

@Kiki may have a point, but the man can delete and block who he likes.

NotAgainYoda · 30/12/2017 13:35

I think your instinct was reasonable OP. I think it was fine to ask the question. You weren't telling anyone how to do their job. I suspect he just found it a bit too difficult to think about what to do about it so just opted out of the conversation, which is sad

Thehogfather · 30/12/2017 13:39

If he'd continued to engage and left the post up how do you think any plus size women who currently attend the regular class would feel?

You can just see it
'aibu, I've been attending a fitness class for a while with all shapes and sizes welcome. The owner has now posted on Facebook that he intends to look into segregating the plus sizers like me into a separate group. Aibu to find this hurtful?'

'Aibu, my fitness instructor has just messaged me to ask my clothes size, he's not sure whether I'm size 16 and my clothes are unflattering, or whether I'm a 20 and carry it well. Apparently he's now splitting the classes and needs to know which group to put me in. Aibu to think my clothes size is irrelevant?'

XmasInTintagel · 30/12/2017 13:40

There are plenty of classes for plus sizes (from a google search), so not really true that it wouldn't be feasible, or is somehow wrong or bad, as has been suggested on here - these people just don't provide one.

Elzee · 30/12/2017 13:41

What @thehogfather said.

NotAgainYoda · 30/12/2017 13:41

I've changed my mind

I think given his positive first reply there was no point him engaging further

NotAgainYoda · 30/12/2017 13:45

I was just thinking: I used to go to an aerobics class that included woman of a range of ages and body shapes. It would have made no sense to segregate by body fat. There were slim people who were unfit weak and inflexible (I was one of them), just as there were larger woman who were.

Kiki275 · 30/12/2017 13:47

@TheHogfather one well worded answer and he would have had OP in his class without the need for a separate one, or continued engagement. The post could have been deleted at a later point without upsetting anyone.
A bit of tact and diplomacy was all that was required, I know they are rare traits these days but it's never too late for a comeback 😊 x