"Child maintenance is not for bills"

[underthesea45]

Ex and I have been split for 18 months, due to his lazy attitude, crappy money managment and generally making me utterly miserable!

He has been "self employed" for most of this time and has therefore dodged paying very much maintenance as he downplayed his earnings to the CSA despite it being obvious he was being paid much more. He has just got a "proper" job and now has to pay £250 a month (hardly a huge amount for two DCs) which he doesn't seem happy about.

It came up yesterday when he dropped DCs off that he would like to do direct pay, I said I'd rather keep it with CSA for now to ensure I get it as I've been struggling paying the bills up until now (I'm on maternity leave), he then kicks off and says "his" maintenance is not meant to pay my bills but for the children.

What exactly does he think the children cost if not largely in bills? The maintenance will go in our "family" pot as it were and contribute towards electric, gas, rent, days out, clothes etc. I am not going to put this money to one side just to pay for things for the children directly (e.g. food, clothes etc.)

I know he can't tell me what money is paid on but it did make me think maybe I should be putting some aside for them?!

This prompted me to call maintenance lot, two missing payments on deductions of earnings order which I thought couldn’t happen 🙄 been calling every week since first payment missing and on one occasion told not to call them again, they’d call me... which they never do!
Sorry, rant over.
Op, that maintenance to our family goes into the pot and gets spent as and where needed- if ex tried dictating to me how it got spent I think I’d piss myself laughing at him.

It goes into the household pot of which things for the DC are paid for from.

This is also how I view it, rather than think okay £50 is for DC1s food this week, £40 DC2s milk etc. It all goes in the same account of which it all comes out of so even if £200 maintenance physically went into rent payment, I would have £200 extra in my account for food/treats/child related expenses

I'd nod, tell him he was correct, it's being used purely for the kids maintanance, so it will stay as coming from CSA (do not go direct pay!)

Then carry on as you were

I e just called them after remembering they hadn't called me back and they have closed the request to go to collect a month ago and haven't bothered to inform me.

Oh my ex was like this. He left when youngest was a baby and was very anxious when I got a job, saying, "but I pay you to look after them!"

It's baffling because when he lived with us he knew that our living costs are up almost all our income. Now he spends less than a quarter of his income on his children while I spend all of mine - and have limited earning capacity bc of childcare commitments.

I spend my children’s maintemce payments on whatever I bloody well like. Generally speaking I use it to keep a roof over their heads, feed them, clothe them, run the car that gets them to school etc, I’m reasonable like that, but if I wanted to spend it all on shoes and handbags because I earned enough to do all the other stuff without it then it’d be No ones business, least of all my ex’s.
NRP’s get to pick and choose where and how they live, RP’s don’t. They have to provide a proper family home, accessible to transport, schools, pay for childcare, work less hours etc.

what an absolute joke child maintenance is. why should a father pay child maintainence for the next 20 years from a 1 night stand? both parents agreed on an abortion but then the mother decides not to go through with it which is not fair for the father. both parents should sign an agreement to say who's taking responsibility for the child and who's not paying towards the child. This is ruining mens lifes and there have been thousands of suicides because of this but the government are as heartless as the mothers and only care about one thing. MONEY!!!.

They all think like this. Though, my ex is actually very good.

My brother is a wanker who insists his maintenance is not for “her fun and only goes in my kids” if he ever pays it, which is rare. Arsehole he is.