To think this was uncalled for

[whydidievergetmarried]

My husband was at work today. I cleaned up today and cooked. I have a toddler so cooking is often difficult. I cooked pasta and the kids ate it apart from my toddler ( who is just getting over a stomach bug!)

My husband was supposed to finish at 21:30 but finished early and got home got 19:00. He came home, tasted the tea and said it's was bland and had no flavour so then proceeded to put it back in the pan and add loads of 'seasoning' to it. It has really upset me. If he didn't like it he could have just given me tips to improve it instead of the way he approached me and said it.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?

Yes I'm no top notch chef but I'm not bad either and I cook my food from scratch so it is healthier... I'm so upset

I think you are getting upset over nothing. You cooked for children so you are not going to put loads of seasoning in. Everyone has different tastes. I used to have to give dp his before seasoning as he didn't like pepper etc.
Please don't take it to heart.

Doesn't sound like he did anything wrong.

my mother and I have this, I call it "doing a mum" when I think I have made food bland and tasteless, she calls it "doing a PAQ" when she has accidentally added enough herbs to have flavour.
It is just different tastes.

If he didn't like it he could've sorted it out himself instead of giving you 'tips'. Oh wait . .

Sounds like he meant to help but was just a bit insensitive.

Maybe put your phone down and tell him about your day, and that his approach to dinner was a bit rude. I doubt it will have occurred to him, so if you don’t tell him you may get a repeat of this.

Definitely don’t think this is anything major though so please keep it in perspective. Sorry it’s been a long day for you, OP.

OP are you a SAHM? You seem to attach a lot of importance on feeding your family am them enjoying it, hence being upset when he didn't like the food. If he does this a lot I think it would jar , if it's once a year I could probably live with it.

I think it would be worse if he started telling you what to add to it instead of doing it himself.
A politer way for him to approach it would be to say 'I fancy something a bit spicier so I'm just going to add some seasoning, hope you don't mind'.
He didn't do anything worthy of an AIBU though.

Simply hand over the cooking to him.

It's not something that would offend me tbh. He wants to enjoy his food, atleast he was honest with you.

Also, how old are your DC? Why do you find cooking difficult? Time or not knowing what to cook?

I wouldn't give it a second thought. He was 'amending' it to his liking. I don't think he was criticising your cooking. Kids' tea is always bit bland. He was just spicing it up a bit.

Get a slow cooker! I cook our two younger ones (7 and 3) their tea. But our 15 year old eats later with DH and me. Having a slow cooker makes cooking two separate meals a lot easier. And food tastes lovely! I don't have time to get all creative in the kitchen but the slow cooker does make being more adventurous with cooking easier when your time and energy is limited.

Probably was a bit rude calling it 'bland but everything else seems ok.. Maybe if he'd just said 'oh, I'll add a bit of paprika/basil/chilli' then it wouldn't have seemed so harsh.

Clearly you found it rude. We go by the rule we understand is used when eating in northern Spain - the chef seasons the food and it's quite rude not to respect that. So what your husband should have done was be at least a little apologetic while recognising that you had been good enough to cook.

And the reason H isn't wearing the pasta right now?

YABU to cook for him.

It depends on how he went on about adjusting the seasoning.
It’s ok for him to find it bland if you have cooked to your dc tastes.
But it’s not ok if it’s done with anger and like a put down ‘you can’t even cook pasta’ type of vibe.

every. single. time. i. cook. Even if i make him a cup of tea, he has to go and add a bit more of something! He does most of the cooking now!
My OH isn't being rude, he is just INCREDIBLY fussy about food and has much more sensitive tastes than me.

Do tell him you were upset by it though and agree together on a better way of handling this situation when it happens again.

pinky you don’t have to be a SAHM to put some sort of effort into cooking.
I’m not a SAHM but have always done so. Both because I like good food and because I think that diet is THE basis of good health.

So....

You wanted him to eat something he didnt like? So are you controlling, especially since you are so upset that he didnt eat it? What if he didnt eat it all, you want him to be hungry?

You wanted him to lie about his thoughts on the food? Thats not a way to treat a relationship?

You are unhappy that he fixed it himself? Why? Did you want to spend more time cooking despite finding it difficult? You want to be a martyr?

What scenario exists where he can have a bite to eat that he enjoys and you arent upset? What could he have done differently where he gets a meal at that moment and you arent upset?

YABU. you made something that wasn't very nice and he fixed it to his taste. What's the problem with that?

And why does having a toddler make cooking difficult?

Did he add seasoning to it all, or just to his portion?

Either way, the way he approached it was rude. You'd spent time and effort cooking it for him. He could have politely asked if he could add some more seasoning.

How would he react if he'd made something for you and you did what he did?

Wow some people are with all the comments about him eating something he didn’t like etc...

What about him being grateful that someone else did the cooking? AGAIN.
Or him proposing to help?
Or just saying ‘I prefer when the sauce has bit more spice’

You dont have to be rude to explain that you prefer th8ngs in a different way.

As for the OP cooking something that wasn’t very nice ... how can you say that? It wasn’t to her DH taste. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t nice!

Eg he wants something drowning in Chili and she has ‘just’ put some Worcester sauce and garlic in the sauce (so not tasteless but not to his taste which is VERY different).

Some people just read what they want to hear.....

Scottishdiem

Or....

Is he always so insensitive? Does he comes home and criticise your cooking?

Does he ever help with the cooking at all and expect you do it all the time? Is he so controlling that he always has to have food cooked a special way to his liking?

Does he not appreciate that you look after DC and therefore cannot always have the food cooked to his absolute preference? Does he always expect you to do everything perfectly for him?

You cooked it for everyone. Kids food tends to have less seasoning and to an adult it might be bland. I don't think you or he did anything really wrong but maybe he could have said "would it be ok if I add a bit more seasoning and reheat it?" first.