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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was uncalled for

79 replies

whydidievergetmarried · 28/12/2017 19:36

My husband was at work today. I cleaned up today and cooked. I have a toddler so cooking is often difficult. I cooked pasta and the kids ate it apart from my toddler ( who is just getting over a stomach bug!)

My husband was supposed to finish at 21:30 but finished early and got home got 19:00. He came home, tasted the tea and said it's was bland and had no flavour so then proceeded to put it back in the pan and add loads of 'seasoning' to it. It has really upset me. If he didn't like it he could have just given me tips to improve it instead of the way he approached me and said it.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?

Yes I'm no top notch chef but I'm not bad either and I cook my food from scratch so it is healthier... I'm so upset

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 09:38

Was the pasta sauce store bought?

If yes, it's a little weird calling the meal 'cooked from scratch'. It's just boiling pasta and dumping in a jar of sauce.

If he does find the food bland, tell him to cook to his own tastes himself.

kaytee87 · 29/12/2017 09:44

@Cantuccit why is that relevant to the thread? Confused

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2017 09:47

I'd much rather my husband fixed it himself than gave me "tips to improve". It's not the 1950s and I'd be furious if he did that. How condescending.

Is there something else going on here op? I don't understand why you feel your husband should be giving you tips to improve your cooking. Is he a chef?

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 09:50

OP said she cooked the meal from scratch. Sauce from a jar isn"t a meal cooked from scratch. It's perfectly fine and I use it, it's just not from scratch.

It may be that OP cooked the sauce herself, hence the question.

RavingRoo · 29/12/2017 09:55

What do you mean by seasoning? If he just salted and herbed your dish he hasn’t done anything really and you aren’t a bad good. If he’s had to fry it off again with onions and garlic etc and it took him an hour to fix then you probably need more cooking practice and need to get more adventurous with the kids

kaytee87 · 29/12/2017 10:01

@Cantuccit I still don't understand why it's relevant to the thread?

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 10:02

Never mind, kaytee.

etap · 29/12/2017 10:07

Given that you're married and have presumably talked to each other in the past, a comment of "bland" is easily brushed off as being honest, right?

Can't cook dinner but can rustle up a mountain out of a molehill.

BanginChoons · 29/12/2017 10:14

I think the way he went about it was unkind. He could perhaps have said "Thanks this is lovely but I fancy it it little more spicy" or similar.

My ex would insist on cooling for me most days. He didn't add enough flavour to my taste and would also give me massive platefulls and be offended if I didn't eat it all. Many a night I would sit there trying to eat more than I wanted of something I didn't particularly enjoy. I wish I hadn't.

RestingGrinchFace · 29/12/2017 10:18

Well it was incredibly rude of him. When someone else makes food for you you bloody well pretend to be hot it even if it is bland.

diddl · 29/12/2017 10:18

You really woulkd want "tips to improve"?

It does sound as if he made a bit of a meal of it.

Rather than just adding what seasoning he'd like.

wednesdayswench · 29/12/2017 10:21

You are being a bit sensitive I think.

skippykips · 29/12/2017 10:23

I get ticked off when my DP does that! However he is a chef so is difficult to cook for. I have got to the point I will not cook for him. My kids love my food - although they prefer his.
If I am in kitchen while he is at home he will stick his big nose in 'try to help'
I gave up years ago!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 29/12/2017 10:29

What in the name of God is wrong or upsetting about seasoning food to your taste? I do it all the time Confused

BearLeft · 29/12/2017 10:32

It does depend on how it was done. I had an abusive relationship some years back and food was an area he sought to control and put me down through. However, within the context of a healthy relationship, I'd think nothing of this at all. If it's an isolated incident and not part of a pattern, I think it's at worst a little insensitive.

Mumsymcmumface · 29/12/2017 10:37

Well it was incredibly rude of him. When someone else makes food for you you bloody well pretend to be hot it even if it is bland.

I really couldn’t disagree with this any more!

You think people who are married, and are going to share most of their meal times together for the rest of their lives should eat food they don’t like rather than tell their spouse they don’t like it?

That’s insane. What else are people supposed to suffer quietly about rather than being honest with each other?

Wotrewelookinat · 29/12/2017 10:43

Wouldn’t bother me. DH is always adding peri peri sauce to my cooking as he likes it spicy and I don’t.

Tippz · 29/12/2017 10:53

I don't think he was being unreasonable to add a bit of flavour and seasoning, but you weren't being unreasonable to be a bit irked as you are entitled to feel that way.

I would not have cared actually, as I would rather my husband enjoyed his food and didn't sit there eating food he was not enjoying. Like when he makes something, I will comment if it needs more flavour or seasoning. How is anyone meant to know the food isn't quite right for their partner, if their partner doesn't tell them? Confused

As I said, would you prefer him to sit there eating it and not enjoying it because he is afraid you will be upset and hurt at him adding some seasoning?

Don't take it so personally.

Your username worries me a bit @whydidievergetmarried

What's THAT about?! Confused

@redguitar2

I'm curious, would you be happy telling a friend that the food they had made you was 'bland'?

Probably not, but I would tell my husband if it was.I think it's a sad state of affairs if you can't be honest with the person that should be the closest person in the world to you, because you're afraid they will 'take offence.'

flumpybear · 29/12/2017 10:56

You probably have different tastes, don't worry it's fine , he just wants to enjoy his food

LazyArseAvocado · 29/12/2017 10:58

Jeez, mumsnet making a mountain out of a molehill as per usual.

Your other half did nothing outrageously wrong. You are so overthinking this. Him adding some flavour to the food you cooked is not a criticism of your cooking skills. In fact it's not about you at all.

Just plonk condiments and spices in front of him next time and try not to feel offended when he uses them.

VeraVinegarTits · 29/12/2017 11:07

It wouldn't bother me, but I always add a touch more salt/pepper/whatever to my food once I've served kids. Your husband could have just done this, however, without saying it tasted bland.

Beansonapost · 29/12/2017 11:26

Id be more upset if someone came home tasted the food and started giving me tips!

That's just rude!

Adding seasoning not rude... what's the difference to adding salt/pepper at the table?

Not much to be upset about.

diddl · 29/12/2017 12:27

It makes sense to make for the taste of the one who likes the least seasonings & others add their own, doesn't it?

If we're talking about stuff that can be added at the table.

oddexperience · 29/12/2017 13:27

Nothing inherently wrong with changing the food how you like it but OP got no appreciation for her work. A thank you would be nice I imagine then if he has issues maybe say something "thank you for cooking dinner! Smells/ looks lovely hope you don't mind I'm just going to pop in some more pepper/herbs etc" that's all it would have taken to be kind not rude. YANBU

Redguitar2 · 29/12/2017 20:05

Probably not, but I would tell my husband if it was.I think it's a sad state of affairs if you can't be honest with the person that should be the closest person in the world to you, because you're afraid they will 'take offence.'

I thinking it's a sader state of affairs if you're willing to say this to your husband and not your friends. If it's ok to say to your husband, it should be fine to say to your friends (if they're good friends). If it isn't, then why is it ok to be rude to your partner, just because you've known each other a long time? That's awful! Personally, I will stick to telling my husband, politely(!) that my plate could do with a little more seasoning- as he does with me. No rudeness, no offence taken, everyone has a plate of food they're happy to eat. That reasoning is ridiculous.

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