Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was uncalled for

79 replies

whydidievergetmarried · 28/12/2017 19:36

My husband was at work today. I cleaned up today and cooked. I have a toddler so cooking is often difficult. I cooked pasta and the kids ate it apart from my toddler ( who is just getting over a stomach bug!)

My husband was supposed to finish at 21:30 but finished early and got home got 19:00. He came home, tasted the tea and said it's was bland and had no flavour so then proceeded to put it back in the pan and add loads of 'seasoning' to it. It has really upset me. If he didn't like it he could have just given me tips to improve it instead of the way he approached me and said it.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?

Yes I'm no top notch chef but I'm not bad either and I cook my food from scratch so it is healthier... I'm so upset

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 28/12/2017 20:42

CurryWorst. To answer your question, toddlers can be quite demanding and sometimes you can't always complete the daily tasks you expect to do (such as dinner) because they can take up your time. Hope that helps!

ihatetosay · 28/12/2017 20:43

i would have been pissed off as well - he can cook for himself next time

CurryWorst · 28/12/2017 20:44

I have a couple of them, so I know about toddlers. Almost everyone here has or has had toddlers, and we still manage to cook food on a regular basis. Hmm

RadioGaGoo · 28/12/2017 20:46

Oh sorry CurryWorst. I wasn't sure if you were being condensending or not, but I know for sure now.

khajiit13 · 28/12/2017 20:47

Don't let it upset you OP. I think OH's cooking is bland. He thinks I add too much seasoning and spices which ruins the meal. We just have different tastes

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 28/12/2017 20:49

If my DH offered "tips" to improve I would not take it well.

If he wandered over to the pan and re-seasoned his own portion to the way he likes it I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

In fact we have both done this to each other, mainly when the children were little and the dinners were often bland and boring.

Do you really want to give your DH carte blanche to offer you tips on how to do things?

StrawBasket · 28/12/2017 20:52

I can't really see the difference with someone adding salt, pepper etc to a dish. It's difficult to judge without knowing what tone he used, but OP you shouldn't worry about it. He didn't dislike the food, just needed to add up some flavouring, not big deal

Maelstrop · 28/12/2017 20:59

Is he not allowed to season his food? I think you’re getting worked up over nothing. I wouldn’t eat bland food either. My DH spent ages making homemade soup, I tasted it and added lots of pepper. He was not insulted.

scottishdiem · 28/12/2017 21:04

RadioGaGoo

Some of that may be the case but we can only go on what the OP said. Although telling someone that one dish was bland is hardly insensitive. If he has ground OP down as much as your points suggest then there is a bigger problem than pasta.

InsomniacAnonymous · 28/12/2017 21:15

Is he not allowed to season his food? I think you’re getting worked up over nothing.

Precisely. People are entitled to have their food seasoned as they wish in their own home. He didn't order you to fix it, did he?

RadioGaGoo · 28/12/2017 21:18

Scottishdiem. I would say both our posts made some assumptions based on what the OP said.

NovemberWitch · 28/12/2017 21:23

Really? Sounds like a perfectly normal thing to do, adjust food to your own taste in your own kitchen. Rude to do it as a guest, fine at home. Happens in my house, carnivores, vegetarians, spicy and those that can’t cope with black pepper.
What spices and flavourings had you used?

HermioneAndTheSniffle · 28/12/2017 21:29

Well once again, it depends of how it’s done isn’t it?

Taking the dish with a huff and noisily add8ng spices because it’s really too bland. Or even making a comment that is very condensending abiutbte fact the OP clearly was wrong in her cooking is one thing.

Another is making a passing comment and saying you prefer things with a bit more spice. And still showing that you are grateful for the meal the OP has prepared.

It’s I possibleto know from the OP if it’s one or the other. Which means it’s all I possible to say that it was just putting it to his tastes and it’s totally ok.
Because no it’s not if the person is using it as a way to put the other person down, or is making comments about how a bag cook the OP is etc...
Also worth noting that words aren’t always necessary to make the message loud and clear. Facial expression and small muttering or annoyed movements can all say the same thing.....

HermioneAndTheSniffle · 28/12/2017 21:30

Sorry I possible was meant to be impossible. Twice.....

KiteMarked · 28/12/2017 21:30

I always make meals too bland for dh; cooking for toddlers over the years has instilled the habit in me. I wouldn't have been offended in your situation, op.

I do struggle with feeding my family a single meal that everyone enjoys, so I understand the emotions that come into play.

eastlondoner · 28/12/2017 21:36

Wouldn't bother me.

Redguitar2 · 28/12/2017 21:41

Can't believe the number of people saying YABU!!! If a friend or other family member cooked you food, would you be ok with telling them the food is 'bland' and put it back in the pan to add more ingredients? Would you be ok if a friend said YOUR food was bland and did the same? I doubt it very much despite arguing to the contrary. There are ways to say these things.

I have never and would never say to DH that his food was bland. I just go and add some extra bits to make it more to my taste. My husband pours loads of salt on his food. I can't stand it. It's a fact that the more salt you use, the more you need to use to acquire that same desired taste. As a result my husband, I know, finds my food bland. All he does is quietly go off to the kitchen and add whatever he wants to his plate. I'm not offended. He isn't rude. I want him to enjoy his dinner. No problems all round. Saying it's 'bland' comes across rude and ungrateful. Anyone who disagrees is clearly happy being disrespected and unappreciated (I look forward to the replies insisting that I'm talking nonsense 😂)! If you wouldn't tell a stranger, restaurant chef or any other person that their food is bland, then it isn't ok to tell your partner the same!

Redguitar2 · 28/12/2017 21:42

Really? Sounds like a perfectly normal thing to do, adjust food to your own taste in your own kitchen.

What about calling it bland? Is that perfectly normal too?

Redguitar2 · 28/12/2017 21:49

What could he have done differently where he gets a meal at that moment and you arent upset?

Perhaps not call it 'bland'?! Maybe saying something like 'thank you for cooking me a lovely dinner again darling. I'm just going to grab some salt and pepper'. Show some appreciation perhaps? Before calling it 'bland'. I wouldn't dream of being that rude to DH when he'd gone to the effort of making his family dinner! Bloody hell this thread is shocking.

applesareredandgreen · 28/12/2017 21:49

My DH has history of complaining food to be 'bland'. He gets ready meals now and when he complains I explain that he didn't like what I cooked either! (TBF a lot of this is since I stopped eating meat and he's a confirmed carnivore.

Thinking back to when DS was little and I didn't want to add salt to his food, I would portion this out then add salt/chilli etc to DH portion as his taste was different to DSs.

randomsabreuse · 28/12/2017 21:59

The food I cook for my toddler is way too bland for me and DH. Usually I plant my suggested "improver" in front of him as I put his portion down, sometimes I hoik toddler's food out to cool then improve it in the pan. He always calls me to sort his seasoning of stuff he's cooking so the fact he will usually add more chilli is purely his preference- I usually add more soy sauce to mine as I know I like more salt - which is why such things are on tables at Chinese restaurants - it's a matter of personal taste rather than a right answer (unless you are a toddler than there us no right answer, ever - and identical food will be thrown or devoured depending on mood, the colour of the plate or the direction of the wind in the Galapagos Islands).

scottishdiem · 28/12/2017 22:40

I wonder why bland is an insult. DP and I both cook. DPs food can be way more spicy than I like so I add things to cool it down if I need to. And I say why. Like thats very spicy. So am I insulting DP by highlighting spicy as a negative when I actually prefer subtle bland flavour. I have cooked for DP who has taken one mouthful and then gone to find more flavour in the spicy rack. I am not insulted by my bland preferences nor is DP insulted when the criticism is that its too spicy.

Why is bland such an insult Redguitar2?

PinkHeart5914 · 28/12/2017 22:46

I don’t see the problem really.

When cooking with dc in mind sometimes the food is bloody bland, so he seasoned his dinner 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think your over thinking this tbh

Redguitar2 · 28/12/2017 23:10

scottishdiem it's the way OP repeated it. As I said in my post, if he'd made clear his appreciation as well, then I'm sure OP wouldn't have taken it so to heart. It depends on the context of the conversation and whether or not DH has come home in a grump from work. The way OP explained it made it seem more like the latter.

I'm curious, would you be happy telling a friend that the food they had made you was 'bland'?

scottishdiem · 29/12/2017 00:23

Depends on the friend. Some yes. Some no. My DP, totally. I am married to a black Zimbabwean. We have, in our backgrounds, two very different food cultures. When I eat with DPs friends I get, to much comedy, plain white boiled rice. Bland. They all eat Mupunga Unedovi. Which is boiled rice with peanut butter. Horrific.

Anyway, I would not take bland as an insult to my cooking. Just as spicy is not an insult. OP has taken offence and cited the use of the word bland as the reason for upset. I find this a remarkable over reaction.

It may well be that OP is vastly over worked and totally under appreciated by a grumpy spouse. We dont know. But if that is the case, then the issue isn't actually the word bland is it? It's a bastard of a partner. Bland then is a mere word that dissatisfaction is being hooked on. But OP says she wants tips for her cooking so I am not sure that he is the problem.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread