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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - heating for guests

388 replies

ifonly4 · 27/12/2017 19:15

Went to BIL's for Boxing Day and the house was freezing. They asked if we were warm enough, DH said he was a bit cold so they said they'd put the heating on low. We had our lunch in conservatory and in afternoon we noticed that we could see everyone's breath in the lounge. I then spotted a temperature gauge, 14c. AIBU, but this was far too cold for guests? Have to admit we tend to have temperature around 19c when we have guests.

I don't think it's got anything to do with money. We invited them here but BIL's wife loves entertaining and insisted we go to them. Food was lovely two choices, veggies, salad, bread and two pudds to choose from (better than what I'd have offered in all fairness), so it's not as if they'd invited us under pressure.

OP posts:
Motoko · 27/12/2017 21:08

Half our house has 18 inch thick stone walls. When we've run out of oil and not had any heating on for a few days in winter, it takes days of constant heating to warm the house up.

I feel the cold really easily, and due to my illness, don't move around much, so I wear a vest, jumper and sometimes a fleece cardi, with a blanket over me too if I'm feeling really cold. We usually have the heating at 18-20 degrees. I find if I get cold to the bones, it takes me a long time to feel warm again, and due to neuropathy, my feet (and often hands) are always cold as ice, even with decent socks and slippers on.

My mum has her flat stiflingly hot, but she does have a lung condition and mustn't have the air too cold. If it's really cold outside, she can't go out.

I do think that, unless you can't afford to put the heating on, rather than too tight, you should have the house at a reasonable temperature if you have guests. I also think that you OP should have told your BIL that you were still cold. A good host shouldn't have a problem with upping the heating for a while.

turbohamster · 27/12/2017 21:08

We pay 60 a month combined gas and electric which more than covers heating our 3 bed 50s semi to 20 degrees when we're home. Hate being cold and visiting cold houses.

MikeUniformMike · 27/12/2017 21:09

If you are struggling to sleep in a cold room, put another blanket on the bed, wear socks and tuck your pyjama top into the bottoms.
A thin fleece blanket between you and the duvet works well.

brizzledrizzle · 27/12/2017 21:12

I get too hot at night but when I get into bed my feather duvet is freezing, it's not like snuggling under a nice thick, super high tog duvet so I need to work out a way of not having it freezing when I get in as I am physically shaking with the cold when I get in. If I use a warmer duvet I sweat buckets all night and wake up soaked.

I've tried hot water bottles and heated pads in the bed before hand.

Reddlion · 27/12/2017 21:14

I would of left tbh or made an early exit I don't usually have the heating on in my place only an electric heater cause I use my duvet but I wouldn't if others were here and would turn on high if requested

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 21:14

@Natsku More info here: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/baby-room-temperature/

I know SIDS risks vary geographically though so it may well be that advice only applies in the U.K.

Sarahh2014 · 27/12/2017 21:15

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.My MIL house is like that.awful.

Undercoverbanana · 27/12/2017 21:15

So they spent their money on giving you a lovely Christmas meal and you think that entitles you to dictate how they keep their home and spend their income? I'm afraid I think YABU. I spent Christmas Day in a house that was much too hot for me and no open window for fresh air. I knew it would be warm so I wore a short summer dress and no tights. It's not for me to tell her how to keep her house.

StrawBasket · 27/12/2017 21:17

codswallopandbalderdash

I have never had any dog/fox/bird poo in my house Grin, my guests usually don't put their shoes on my furniture or on the table, but I don't want to embarrass them or letting them freeze in the winter, or don't want people walking bare feet on my floors in the summer.

I never had any carpets, at least downstairs, even with shoes off, these things are disgusting.

southboundagain · 27/12/2017 21:17

"I always mean to ask this..does anyone else find that once you are cold just putting a jumper on doesn’t really help?"

I find putting on a jumper only works well if I'm warm-ish to start with, as they trap heat so are very slow to warm me up if there isn't much heat to trap. I'm not bothered by cold hands and feet (I have Raynaud's so that's just normal) but I do notice if my body's cold.

peachgreen · 27/12/2017 21:17

@StrawBasket My bedroom isn't 18 degrees at night! In fact we'll probably have to start turning our heating on to keep it above 16 at night during the winter. We're cool sleepers!

Natsku · 27/12/2017 21:19

Thanks peachgreen am pregnant right now so need to refresh my knowledge before baby comes along. I shall ask the midwives at the hospital (not asking my midwife, she doesn't seem to know what she's doing half the time) when I give birth what they advise as well. I don't mind having the bedroom at 20 degrees as I sleep better when it's a little cooler but OH complains when I turn the radiator down - risk to baby would shut him up I reckon.

Natsku · 27/12/2017 21:20

If people think shoes off in the house is bad, my OH makes DD take her shoes off in the car! We just got a new car and he's never had a new one before and is being incredibly precious about it, cracks me up!

iamyourequal · 27/12/2017 21:21

Where are you OP? Its a bit off to start a thread lots of folk have contributed to then vanish?

LemonShark · 27/12/2017 21:26

iamyourequal Do people really think that's off? I'm sure people have lives, maybe got called away to something or are putting their kids to bed, or fell asleep after a long day!?

I contribute to threads with the full understanding the OP owes me nothing in return, owes me no response. The majority of the enjoyment is surely interacting with other posters and reading their comments.

Sallystyle · 27/12/2017 21:28

My sister bloody turned mine off.

I was not impressed. She is very hot blooded but I'm bloody not.

I do turn it down a bit for guests who say they are a bit too warm when asked, but it was only on 15c when she turned it off.

I could not stay for long in a cold house. An extra jumper would not warm me up enough. It would warm up my top half but that is it. A blanket is ok if you don't have to keep getting up and getting cold again.

I grew up in a freezing cold house as we didn't have radiators and it was fucking awful for us all. My mum would put the fire on in the living room but it didn't help when you had to move. We had little heaters in our bedrooms eventually but we couldn't afford to have them on for long.

I do not do cold well, it makes me feel physically ill. Whilst I have every sympathy with people who can't afford to keep a warm house I couldn't spend a lot of time there without being utterly miserable.

honeyrider · 27/12/2017 21:34

I wouldn't stay in a cold house no matter how nice the food is, sod that - if you're too cold you cannot enjoy yourself. I don't like the other extreme of being too hot either. I'd be mortified if I had guests that found my home too cold or too hot.

suzy2b · 27/12/2017 21:37

I don't have a thermostat if i feel cold i put the heating on i hate being cold i'd rather go without food than heat, i have bought a thermostat that i move around i think about 19 to 21 is about right i feel the cold and sometimes will sit on soffa with a blanket as well as the heating

LilQueenie · 27/12/2017 21:39

at least they put the heating. I once was given a bloody tea light candle and told 'if you sit close you can feel the heat' Hmm Total scrooge.

LilQueenie · 27/12/2017 21:39

*heating on.

LaurieMarlow · 27/12/2017 21:49

there's no rule on the acceptable room temperature.

I disagree. There are guidelines for working environments (minimum of 16). An attentive guest who's not financially strapped should be roughly in line with these.

londonista · 27/12/2017 21:51

My BIL's place was also quite cold and i noticed that they don't put it on until about 10am. It was dressing gowns, 2 pairs socks and a beanie type scenario. Eventually I said to BIL "as it's Christmas could we have the heating on?"
With family, I just say "I'm cold and I would like the heating up more please", and I expect it to be done.

Much more tricky with people you don't know. I just keep my coat on and hope they take the hint.

Badhairday1001 · 27/12/2017 21:53

I have my house between 20 and 22.5 downstairs and a bit cooler upstairs, it's always nice and warm and we feel comfortable.
In my classroom the heating breaks regularly, it's bloody freezing! It's an old building and the thermometer has been as low as 11! We often have to leave coats on in the morning until the fan heater I have warms the room up. It's uncomfortable and not conductive to learning or working.
Everybody has a different temperature that they feel is optimum but I do feel like lots of people seem to enjoy saying they're not cold when it's obviously freezing.

Abra1d · 27/12/2017 21:57

Ours is 18. Any warmer is too stuffy and expensive. That’s what woollens are for.

londonista · 27/12/2017 21:57

LaurieMarlow I agree, once I went to one of my husband's mates place when they first were married and had a young baby, it was so cold they were burning a fire in fireplace but still v cold. I was about to remark on how cold it was when I noticed they were burning old bits of furniture and palette wood that they'd obviously scavenged from the streets. It was very humbling and I remember it to this day, the ice on the inside of the window and the newborn.

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