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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - heating for guests

388 replies

ifonly4 · 27/12/2017 19:15

Went to BIL's for Boxing Day and the house was freezing. They asked if we were warm enough, DH said he was a bit cold so they said they'd put the heating on low. We had our lunch in conservatory and in afternoon we noticed that we could see everyone's breath in the lounge. I then spotted a temperature gauge, 14c. AIBU, but this was far too cold for guests? Have to admit we tend to have temperature around 19c when we have guests.

I don't think it's got anything to do with money. We invited them here but BIL's wife loves entertaining and insisted we go to them. Food was lovely two choices, veggies, salad, bread and two pudds to choose from (better than what I'd have offered in all fairness), so it's not as if they'd invited us under pressure.

OP posts:
DamsonGin · 29/12/2017 11:00

I've just checked the thermostat, my parents have it on 16°C, and the radiators in the bedrooms are all off. They have solar panels and are not skint. I'm wondering how long it will be before they notice I've turned it up to 18.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/12/2017 12:00

@fuzzy I'm sure you already know this, but just on the off chance you don't, and especially as you mention council tax, there are several benefits you can claim if your husband is too ill to work and you are his carer (ESA, PIP, housing benefit, council tax reduction, carers allowance). It may be worth your speaking to citizens advice in the new year, to check you are getting all you're entitled to (they can also help you apply or appeal if you have been turned down in the past).

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 12:56

Chatty - you need to close all the blinds and curtains then, maybe darker curtains?

morningconstitutional2017 · 29/12/2017 14:51

We all feel comfortable at different temperatures, don't we? If I had guests I'd put the heating for longer and at a slightly higher temperature to accommodate them (without being asked) - I know both my BILs really feel the cold.

When I visit them I often feel too hot but then that's probably my fault for wearing a long sleeved vest under a LS t-shirt with a LS cardi and knee-high socks - which is what I'd consider to be perfectly normal for winter.

Maireadplastic · 29/12/2017 15:06

AnotherWorry- who do you get your fuel from? I couldn't find a tariff that green (they SAY it's green but it isn't great)- I'll change to yours next time...

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/12/2017 15:10

Our heating goes on if we are cold, it’s been on in August before now. I hate wearing jumpers and would much rather have a warm house (and so would the cat!). To the poster who mentioned babies, thankfully we never have a baby in the house so that solves that problem!

ToothTrauma · 29/12/2017 15:17

DH hates wearing layers. He wants to be in bare feet and a T-shirt all year long, so he’s always turning the heating up and stoking the fire. Terribly wasteful but I’ve chosen not to argue about it.

What annoys me the most is I LOVE jumpers and it’s too hot to wear them indoors! I’m always freezing at work though so pile on the layers there.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 15:19

Tooth - people should dress appropriately for the season, however, for me to be warm in two tops and a jumper would be T-shirt weather for others and I also know someone who finds it hard to wear long sleeves because of their eczema.

ToothTrauma · 29/12/2017 15:25

Gwen that’s interesting; he does have eczema and is dyspraxic with sensory issues. He just can’t bear layers. He’ll wear a hoodie outside to walk the dog etc but he doesn’t own a winter coat Shock

FuzzyCustard · 29/12/2017 15:51

£280 is more than my entire income for a month.

FuzzyCustard · 29/12/2017 15:53

coldtatty thank you...really thank you for taking the time. I have looked into extra benefits but we aren't entitled to anything extra.

All you people who hate being cold, I recommend you never get ill, especially long term ill.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 15:55

Fuzzy - I really sympathise with people who genuinely can't afford heating as it would be my worst nightmare, but people who are inviting others over for dinner can obviously afford a few pounds or they wouldn't be able to afford to host dinner.
In that situation they should give people the option of bringing their own food so that they have money for heating.
It's not fair to invite people over and not tell them until they arrive that there will be no heating.

FruitCider · 29/12/2017 16:02

My thermostat is set at 21.5 - warm enough for everyone else in a t-shirt and I wear a cardigan.

My treatment room at work is 15 and that’s only comfortable because I run around in circles for 2 hours giving meds out!

Maireadplastic · 29/12/2017 16:22

Gwen- so people with cold houses/heating problems shouldn't be allowed to invite friends over? I don't think that's right.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/12/2017 17:25

@fuzzy Flowers x

Jafinar · 29/12/2017 17:30

Surely you understand the idea that without heating on the temperature indoors will become only a degree or two above outdoors?

No chance.

Our home is well insulated. It's currently 8 degrees outside and inside is cosy - and we've not had the heating on all day. I don't know the actual temperature but it's a lot higher than 9 or 10 degrees I can assure you!

^ over time Hopeful !! Not just with one day of no heating. I'm saying that even an A+ rated detached house will eventually cool down to match the outdoor temperature, more or less, though granted it may take a week of no heating being on.

Clearly a flat or terraced house will be getting heated by adjacent properties.

FuzzyCustard · 29/12/2017 17:30

Thanks coldtatty. One thing I have noticed about a cold house is that cut flowers last absolute ages! (Silver lining!)

bonbonours · 29/12/2017 17:38

Given they spent on food and drink I doubt it was to do with money, more to do with being oblivious to other people's preferences. Some people feel the cold much more than others. My parents always wear thick jumpers when they xomyround our house because they think it's cold (and we turn the heating up when they are coming compared to normal) and we all (including the kids) know we need to dress for midsummer when we visit them as their house is like an oven.

Jafinar · 29/12/2017 17:44

Firesuit

You have a fair point with the electrical items, I can see that'd make a difference though more so if you have lots of tungsten lightbulbs, old computers etc.** I still think it'd only be a few degrees though.

Friends of mine live in a very large detached new build in the south east with the highest standard UK energy rating (all new houses are tested for air tightness btw) and they tend to put the heating on for a couple of months a year.**

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 22:05

"Gwen- so people with cold houses/heating problems shouldn't be allowed to invite friends over? I don't think that's right."

Did you actually read my comment?

I think they have two fair options:

  1. ask people to bring their own food and spend the food money on heating
  2. tell people in advance what the temperature is. That at least gives someone the chance to decline the invitation. It really isn't fair not to mention it in advance.
AnotherWorry · 29/12/2017 23:36

As I've mentioned a few times already MY HEATING IS FUCKING BROKEN and has been since 23rd.

The first few days were fine. But after a week of no heating the house is now at 8 degrees Celsius. It is a modern, very well insulated house. It's 4 degrees outside. So, yes, we're only a few degrees warmer than sleeping outside. In fact, a small tent in the garden might be warmer.

CanadaMoose91 · 30/12/2017 00:12

Our thermostat doesn't work - we need to turn the heat on and off manually. The house is also quite drafty and uninsulated (plus we're poor fuckers). It's very common to see our breath in the house even if the heat's been on for hours. The landlord doesn't appear to care.

If we're having guests, we loosen the purse strings (no meat for the week, wahoo!), turn on the heat at 6am and warn them to bring layers. We've also got blankets all over. Nothing more we can do.

Your situation sounds bonkers though.

Roomba · 30/12/2017 00:13

My house is bloody freezing most of the time (old stone house so no cavity wall insulation possible, have upgraded double glazing and loft insulation as much as is possible).

I'm on meters and just can't afford to have the heating on enough, so on a good week it hovers between 14-16 degrees when the kids are home. The rest of the time I just put more jumpers, gloves and scarves on as I'm fittish and healthy so it won't damage my health like it would someone with asthma or someone elderly. You would not wish to visit on a bad week, when there is no money for more gas and it is around 9 degrees!

I don't invite people round though, because I know they'll hate it. If they insist on visiting, then I will warn them it will be cold and to wear a thick jumper. I also try to ration it out a bit so I can put the heat on more when someone visits and turn it off when they leave! We're used to it - we've been at my parent's house this week and it was so hot it was unbearable for us! The thermometer downstairs said it was 24.5 degrees at 2am, it was even hotter earlier on and we slept with all the windows open all week in our underwear and duvet thrown back. Of course we all felt freezing when we got back home earlier, it will take a day or two to adjust back again.

14 is cold if you won't have any worries over the cost of heating though, if I could afford it I certainly wouldn't choose to live at that temperature.

Roomba · 30/12/2017 00:17

Surely you understand the idea that without heating on the temperature indoors will become only a degree or two above outdoors?

No chance.

It was 6 degrees outside when we got home after a few days away earlier. Heating hasn't been on during that time (I did set it to stay on v low but electric ran out somehow so it couldn't fire up) - inside was 8.5 degrees. I imagine it would be even colder if we'd been here and opening the front door several times a day to go in and out?

AnotherWorry · 30/12/2017 00:40

I'm actually genuinely worried about me and the kids in this temperature. The indoor temp is falling every hour there's no heating and all bedding, clothes and towels feel damp. I've currently got a chest infection plus long term immune issues and DS is asthmatic. If the temperature keeps falling between now and Tuesday then I'm really not confident that's safe.