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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children freezing in buggies

306 replies

goody2shooz · 27/12/2017 15:31

Would you sit outside on a chair for an hour in the current weather, wearing leggings and a mid thigh-length jacket, no hat, gloves or blanket? No? Thought not - so why do so many people keep putting children in buggies without enough proper warm clothes/blanket etc!!?? Just been for a walk today in 1degree cold weather, wind chill makes it feel like -4. Came across a granmother standing chatting to two friends. All dressed in gloves, hats and parka types COATS cos of the cold weather. Little tot in pushchair facing into the cold wind wearing leggings and a jacket. Her little hands looked frozen- like the rest of her. I said (nicely)to the woman that the lo looked v chilly. Was ignored. tried again and was ignored. Wibu to mention anything? I am amazed that so many people seem unaware that a small person sitting still in a buggy needs more layers under and over them than the person keeping warm pushing the buggy. I feel so bad for these tots i keep seeing with pinched faces and blue hands. :(

OP posts:
user1474652148 · 29/12/2017 07:22

There are snow suits with gloves attached - I used one of them when my toddler went through the pulling things off stage.
We had a fleecy cover for the buggy that you can't take off from the inside too.
No excuse for leggings in this weather something far thicker is needed.
I think you are noting a general air of neglect op, and yes I agree it looks sad too. Particularly when the parents are warm as the child is clearly cold.
Well done for mentioning it, she may have ignored you but will think twice the next day.

deptfordgirl · 29/12/2017 07:27

Ugh I hate it when well meaning people comment on the well-being of children. You don't know the circumstances so please don't think they are being neglectful. A lot of children refuse, will pull off gloves and hat and a lot do get hot with a footmuff and snowsuit. Honestly it has nothing to do with you.

Lucylululu · 29/12/2017 07:30

Its not very nice or very helpful to say something. Chances are there's a reason (like those listed above) and all you'll do by pointing it out is make the parent feel absolutely terrible and make yourself look like a busybody. My baby screams blue murder if I put a hat on him and will be inconsolable. I wear him in a sling so always warmer but still had people commenting on how he should be wearing a hat. Do you think I don't know that? Its very frustrating to be given unwelcome advice by strangers.

hazeyjane · 29/12/2017 07:45

There is a woman at the bus stop in the morning, who makes endless 'helpful' (passive aggressive) comments about my children, 'oh bless, don't you own a hairbrush?'...to dd2, 'oh poor little mite, aren't your hands cold?'....to ds last week (he had one mitten off - due to injured finger) - every day she makes comments (lack of coat is a favourite topic), it is wearing, it helps no one, it makes the dds uncomfortable and she absolutely freaks ds out (he is 7, in a buggy, sensory issues, and doesn't tolerate strangers very well).

Wineasaurous · 29/12/2017 07:49

A lady at the bus stop commented 'she looks cold, hasn't she a coat?' I was mortified. It stung. But she was right and I was better prepared next time.

Oh great. Let's all go out of our way to shame parents to help them learn their lesson. Or, y'know, for someone that comment could be the last straw if they're battling with mental health issues. If someone came up to me at my most vulnerable and criticised my parenting then I probably wouldn't have left the house again for god knows how long.

ConcreteUnderpants · 29/12/2017 07:49

you are noting a general air of neglect op, and yes I agree it looks sad too. Particularly when the parents are warm as the child is clearly cold.
Well done for mentioning it, she may have ignored you but will think twice the next day

Thanks for that, User. But from the comments, it's nice to know I'm not the only one 'neglecting' my children. Confused

Jerseysilkvelour · 29/12/2017 08:13

Friend of mine once stopped a Mum to say her kid In the pushchair looked cold, mother hadn't noticed. It was minus 2 and the kid was literally turning blue. Child Ended up in hospital being warmed up, she had hypothermia.

Sirzy · 29/12/2017 08:15

Of course they did Hmm

hazeyjane · 29/12/2017 08:17

Ah validation! The perfect anecdote for the commenter and judger.....your comments save children's lives!!

Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 08:17

Chinny reckon.

Nice that your friend of a friend of a friend was kept updated Grin

Wineasaurous · 29/12/2017 08:29

@Jerseysilkvelour ... let me guess, it was a very small town and the woman in question was your friend's, next door neighbours, sister's, cousin so that's how you know she later went to hospital and the diagnosis

hazeyjane · 29/12/2017 08:39

Surely she didn't need to find out from the hospital, she was 'literally turning blue...' Everyone knows that means a diagnosis of hypothermia or turning into a Smurf.

Jerseysilkvelour · 29/12/2017 08:41

Actually no @Wineasaurous I live in a very big town and the reason I know the diagnosis is that my friend went to the hospital with the young Mum who was terrified and whose family couldn't get to her quickly, and stayed until someone could come and support her. So there.

SammySays · 29/12/2017 09:01

On one hand I completely agree with you that yes they do need extra layers, however, if you had spoken to me I wouldn’t have taken kindly to you and I do wonder how you know that child didn’t have adequate layers underneath her visible clothes. My 2yr old DD in this weather has been going out in leggings/jeans with a thigh length jacket. I know she has adequate layers because beneath this she wears tights/thermals under her trousers, a vest under her jumper and quite often a thick cardigan under her coat. To look at her in her pram though you wouldn’t know. I cannot keep gloves on her for love nor money. I try my best to keep a hat on her but she often removes it so I keep putting her hood up which she pushes back off. I always have a blanket however, the other day it slipped off of her and into an icy puddle-needless to say that didn’t go back on her.

PasstheStarmix · 29/12/2017 09:03

CheshireChat oh dear it sounds like your dc really overheats quite easily. I bet you get sick of the looks of some people of you're out and he's not wearing layers; as they can be so cruel

PasstheStarmix · 29/12/2017 09:04

*if+

PasstheStarmix · 29/12/2017 09:10

I really don't think you can differentiate. There are cases as some posters have mentioned where their dc are appropriated dressed but it can be difficult to tell from the outside, cases where their dc overheat so wear less layers and also upsetting cases where it is actually parental neglect. I do know that in the medical profession health visitors are told to educate parents on seasonal appropriate dressing and do write in their reports when there are 'issues.'

bigmouthstrikesagain · 29/12/2017 09:12

I can see both sides in this debate. Yes strangers commenting on their perception of your parenting is bloody annoying. I still bristle when I remember the concerned check out woman who asked if I was sure dd1 wasn't "suffocating" , I was carrying my new born dd in a front facing semi structured sling and she was fine. But I have also been judge in my head when I have seen very little children in buggies without a coat/ gloves/ hat in cold weather as being sat down you get colder, I also hate seeing babies without proper sun protection as a fair skinned ginger child i had horrendous sun burn/stroke once due to my useless dad. So yes I judge sometimes and I have never intervened but I understand the anxiety and the urge.

PasstheStarmix · 29/12/2017 09:13

I think it's a difficult one and a lot of cases can be genuine ones and it must be upsetting if strangers start commenting. I would be mortified.

Bubbaleo · 29/12/2017 09:14

I'd love to see the aggressive, so defensive posters live in Spain for a while. You get half a dozen women all jabbering away in Spanish, not only if they think there's a problem but as an everyday occurence. My parents live there and I loved it. The women (even ones you don't know) help with the kids and I got loads of good advice, meals out where my toddler was fussed over, cuddled, helped to cut her food up, etc. Baby was rocked whilst I ate, it was great, it was a break for me. And it's nothing about feeling you've done something wrong, that has nothing to do with it. And being uppity and defensive would do you no good, because you can't even get a word in!

PasstheStarmix · 29/12/2017 09:16

They sounds very supportive Bubbaleo and they do say it takes a village to raise a baby.

Bubbaleo · 29/12/2017 09:30

SammySays, you "wonder" how OP would know that dc didn't have underneath layers? Errrrrr, you try chatting instead of "wondering".

Spikeyball · 29/12/2017 09:30

I don't understand how people think they know my child's very complex needs better than I do. I don't need 'advice' from people who have no experience or understanding of a child like mine.

Bubbaleo · 29/12/2017 09:32

Unless of course, it's a national secret that dc may look cold, but is well layered underneath?

LightDrizzle · 29/12/2017 09:33

My eldest would tolerate a hat, but not shoes or socks and she invariably kicked off her blankets. In her pram I could constantly adjust as she faced me, once she was in a pushchair it was more difficult and I never went out without someone “helpfully” pointing out that her poor feet must be cold. Once she was walking, she started accepting them.
DD2 has only just started accepting gloves and hats at 18! She does have the excuse of PMLD, CP et al, but I’m sure that hasn’t stopped people judging. She’s always bundled up well otherwise in cool weather as it is right that when you aren’t moving around, you do feel much colder than the person pushing you.
I’d assume that 95% or more of the parents of the parent the OP is commenting on, know their children well and know they are more comfortable as they are.