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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nose AIBU

85 replies

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 26/12/2017 23:34

Please be gentle!! This is a fairly sensitive topic for me

Since I was a teenager, I've been really self-conscious about my nose.

It's become more of a problem now (i.e. I've felt even more self-conscious about it) with photos being put on social media where anyone can see them.

I also had a pretty nasty comment from someone once (who has form for being a bit thoughtless), who asked me why my nose looked like a witch's nose

Basically, my nose is thin at the top and then widens out and looks a bit bulbous at the tip. As it's thin at the top and then widens out, it has a wonky, bumpy profile that I hate I hate seeing myself in photos, especially if my nose is in profile .

Anyway, for a couple of years now, I've seriously considered the possibility of having plastic surgery to straighten it and sort it out.

Someone who I know very well has had surgery on their nose from a particularly well-known practice in London, and they seem very happy.

The problem is that the surgery would cost £10,000. I am very lucky to have recently been given £10,000 in savings from a relative. I really don't feel that I could justify this on a nose operation, even though I feel that it would make me more comfortable and less self-conscious. It's an absolutely huge amount of money. I personally feel that, rationally, it would be a much better idea to put that money towards saving to buy a house, for example. (I also understand that nose surgery can be very painful and it can take a week to recover from the operation, so a week of annual leave would need to be taken from my job after the operation. While this is a concern, the cost of the operation is a far bigger worry for me).

I had an initial consultation arranged with the surgeon for this month, after booking it several months ago (I think I booked it in spring this year). The initial consultation cost £300

I cancelled the consultation earlier this month, and was refunded the full £300. But the possibility of having surgery at some point is still playing on my mind.

What should I do?

Thanks for your advice.

I've attached a (terrible) pic

OP posts:

Thread gallery

19lottie82 · 26/12/2017 23:38

The photo has nothing to do with it. If it’s something that really bothers you and you can afford to have it fixed, go for it! Why not?

MargotLovedTom1 · 26/12/2017 23:38

Would it really cost 10,000 pounds? As in, you've been given that figure by the surgeon's practice?

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2017 23:38

I was all set to say spend the 10k on it as it will clearly make you happy

And then I saw your nose - literally can't see anything wrong with it

pandarific · 26/12/2017 23:38

Oh op.

Keep the money for the house deposit. But! If it makes you so unhappy look into fillers to correct nose shape - excellent results in many cases and less than a tenth of your 10k.

purrball · 26/12/2017 23:39

Is there anything wrong with your nose OP? I think it's lovely and very 'normal'

I wonder if seeing a therapist to work through some of the self esteem issues related to the nose might be helpful. I used to feel terribly self conscious about my nose - and various other body parts! - to the point I wouldn't let people see my in profile, but that's completely dissipated now and I feel a bit silly looking back!

Though of course if you really want to have a nose job, no judgment here. But worth exploring other options first.

ApproachingATunnel · 26/12/2017 23:42

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that nose, sorry. It’s not too long, not too short and just fine.

But i have just got myself a loan of 5k and got braces- a lot of money as well however i have wonky teeth and was always very self conscious about my smile. So i understand where you’re coming from! But honestly, i think your nose if just fine (unlike my teeth!).

Loadedllama · 26/12/2017 23:42

My take on it is that if your nose is really affecting your confidence and making you miserable then money to have it enhanced would not be wasted. My DD had hers done and the difference it made to her confidence and overall happiness were well worth it. She did say the first week was painful but everyone is different. I’ve heard of people who have been good to go after a couple of days. If you did need to take annual leave for a week though and it wouldn’t be financially draining then I think that’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of not having to be concerned about your nose.

JollyGiraffe · 26/12/2017 23:42

I can't see any problem with your nose at all, it looks perfectly normal! It sucks when people make comments about how you look, they really do stick with you. But people's comments are a reflection on them, not you. I was always made fun of for being flat chested. For years it made me very upset and insecure. But I learnt to love my small boobs

If I was you, I wouldn't get surgery.

There are risks to surgery, and also you might come out with a nose that you don't like/wish you had your original nose back because it is YOURS!

£10,000 is so much money. You could save it or invest it in something really great.

What would help you feel more comfortable in your own skin? I feel like that's a more important question to ask yourself.

Sparklesocks · 26/12/2017 23:42

Hi Op, I’m sorry that you feel insecure about your nose. I think it’s all very well saying looks don’t matter etc but it’s different when it has a negative effect on your life.

Ultimately though, only you can make this decision. Does your nose impact your life enough that you feel this would make a significant, positive change that would improve your life drastically? Or are you perhaps feeling more comfortable with your looks and yourself as you get older, and you don’t feel it would be worth it in the long run?

To me it sounds like your doubts are strong enough that you shouldn’t make a decision for now - but ultimately, as hard as it is, this is your decision and only you can make this call.

Personally, I think your nose looks fine! And I think noses are part of our character, what makes us unique etc - however, I’m not you, i don’t know you - or how you feel! Think thoroughly, don’t rush into anything, and do what feels right. I suppose you could always have the consultation as that might help sway you either way, and if you aren’t willing to pay £300 for that then that might suggest where your decision lies..

Loadedllama · 26/12/2017 23:43

£10,000 sounds a heck of a lot though. Have you been quoted that figure?

CatsMother66 · 26/12/2017 23:55

I had mine done 25years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I had years of name calling and it took abuse from adults whilst shopping in Tesco to make me go for it. My life changed.
My face and features were small and my nose was very big and hooked. Yours looks fine to me, I would’ve been happy with your nose.
It’ll be more like two weeks to recover and up to a year to see the final result. I can understand you having it done if it makes you unhappy, but in my opinion it looks fine x

KiteMarked · 26/12/2017 23:57

Your nose looks completely normal! I wouldn't look twice at you, honestly. Anyone who has made unkind comments should have their head examined.

But it is your life, and if you think surgery will bring you lasting happiness, then look into it at least. I would definitely get more than one quote, though. It's a lot of money.

pinkdelight · 26/12/2017 23:59

Have you shopped around? Done lots of research? That sounds very steep for a nose job, without going anywhere bargain bin dodgy obviously. If you could get it done for £5k would that solve the conundrum? Because regardless of any opinions it sounds like you want it done. I'm not generally an advocate of boobs jobs and such but it does sound like this would make a tangible difference to your self esteem.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/12/2017 00:03

Honestly your nose is utterly gorgeous compared to mine, I’ve managed to embrace my nose as part of my uniqueness, and to be frank there are so many bits of me that are unique that it would take years and a lottery win to fix them all. I’ve had comments but laugh them off now, but admit it was much harder when I was younger. It is a cliche but confidence and attractiveness come from within and your fairly average nose has sod all to do with that.

Personally I couldn’t pay that amount of money to change my nose when I needed it for a house deposit, but if if makes you very unhappy I wouldn’t judge anyone who did.

RoseWhiteTips · 27/12/2017 00:06

Your nose is fine! Don’t spend all that money on something that is not a problem.

GissASquizz · 27/12/2017 00:09

OP, we share a nose. I am also a bit self conscious since being dubbed Shark Shnoz by a spotty oik as a teenager. However, I would rather spend my money on other things so no surgery for me. Plus I've had multiple surgeries that I had to have so doing it for a non vital reason fills me with dread. But your nose, your decision.

Jubejube1 · 27/12/2017 00:16

I wound just spend the money & get your nose fixed. It’s not that much money in the scale of it & would improve your self confidence & self esteem for the rest of your life. It’s how you feel that matters. Not a deposit on a house.

TheCraicDealer · 27/12/2017 00:26

This isn't a whim and it's clearly affecting you more, not less, as time has gone on. There are some features we can grow to accept as we get older, but sometimes we just can't no matter how hard we try. Life is too short- if you can afford it you should have the op. Agree that 10k sounds very steep- have you shopped around? Can you part finance it?

Original poster

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 27/12/2017 00:30

Thanks so so much everyone here's a photo of my nose from the front. Sorry that I've cropped the photo weirdly, hope it's not too creepy!!

On balance, I know that I've got quite a lot of things that I'm insecure about.

In terms of my physical appearance, my nose is probably the biggest thing that I'm insecure about. And my height. I'm really bloody short. Just about 5 foot

It's funny, really, because people's ideas of beauty are so unique to them and everyone has a very specific idea of beauty. For instance, I might see two people with very different noses (ie somebody with a long nose and someone with a short one) and equally like their noses.

Ideally, what I'd really like is a short upturned nose (like the Duchess of Cambridge's nose, for example). But I've no idea if the 'new' nose would suit my face shape. And I don't really want to get rid of the nose that I was born with. I'm worried I might regret it .

I've got my Dad's nose it looks great (in my opinion) on him, but less good on me! I had a chat with him just now about how I felt and what you all mentioned in the thread so far. I wanted to be really honest and clear and truthful. He got a bit upset, as he didn't realise that I was feeling like this and didn't want me to feel like that. He doesn't personally feel like I should go through with it. And I agree with him. He's very much of the view that, if your body is healthy and in good condition, then that's good enough. And I completely agree (well, apart from this ). It just feels really self-indulgent for me to bleat about having a 'less than perfect' nose or whatever as well. I just want to learn to live with the things that I'm unhappy about my body, and to embrace them. But I think I'm worried that someone will make fun of my height or my nose, and I won't know what to say back. I know I really need to work on my self-esteem and assertiveness in general. I have been trying, but I'm not there yet.

I'm just starting to get into dating (this is fucking embarrassing, but I'm in my mid-twenties and have never dated or been kissed....) Went to a girls' school, had a lot of rivalry growing up with a more confident twin and felt in their shadow and less outgoing for all of my teenage years (and bullied/belittled - even now- by them, even though I do also retaliate ), didn't date anyone at university as I didnt think I was attractive, had no confidence and was too scared about distracting myself from already having enough time time for academic work and everything else (went to a ridiculously competitive university where our exam results were posted publicly every year). Anyway, I think the nose insecurity thing is tied up with wanting to feel desirable, pretty, popular etc. Someone I went to uni with had (what I think is) a fucking perfect nose... and I also envied her in general (she was kind, really pretty, very popular, long-term boyfriend, got a 1st, etc.)

I think what I'd like to do (I thought this might be the most 'sensible' way of approaching it, if that's the right word) is to book a consultation again, and then see how they could re-shape my nose. Then I'd go away and have a think about it all, and make a final decision. I'm not sure how I'd make that final decision though.

OP posts:

Original poster

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 27/12/2017 00:32

I just really don't want to upset my parents (especially my Dad ).

OP posts:

mishfish · 27/12/2017 00:32

OP before you consider surgery have you considered a dermal filler to alter the shape slightly? Look at the consultant clinic on instagram, they show some lovely before and after shots

instagram.com/consultant_clinic

ButchyRestingFace · 27/12/2017 00:34

£10,000 does seem steep. I’d shop around.

It’s your life and only you can know how much your self esteem is affected by how you feel about your nose.

If you don’t like your ears or your boobs, these things can be hidden to a certain extent but your nose is slap bang in the middle of your face.

Going through life each day feeling self conscious about your appearance can be pretty exhausting and consuming.

If it’s something you’ve wanted for many years, I’d be tended to go ahead, but price shop first and seek a 2nd opinion before committing to anything.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/12/2017 00:36

Cross posted before I read your post of 00:30.

Would probably revise my opinion in light of that.

Want2beme · 27/12/2017 00:36

This is my nose. I caught site of my profile recently and thought how awful my nose is. I haven't paid any attention to it over the years, but I've had many a compliment on it. Your nose is lovely. It's a fine shape, just like the lovely Helen Baxendale's. I say keep it. I hope you don't mind me saying that.

grumpysquash3 · 27/12/2017 00:38

OP, I mean this very kindly, but the person you envy because they were kind, really pretty, very popular, long-term boyfriend, got a 1st, etc. - it was really nothing to do with them having a perfect nose.

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