Today was our "Christmas" and it suddenly went badly wrong

[snowsnowsnowsnow]

DH and I had our Christmas today with our 2 children (my DS and DSD both 7) as they were with their other families yesterday. Stocking opening, present giving, close family visiting this afternoon all went really well and all happy; open plan so I was cooking roast for our meal to all eat together and joining in as much as possible. Lovely, even better than we could have hoped for and thought all happy.

Extended family left and we sat down to our meal ... DSD starts crying and wouldn't say what the problem was so she leaves the table with her dad so he can find out what is the matter. I kept theirs warm (half served) and after 10 mins said DS could start slowly and I was sure they would be along soon. DSD came back and sat down and ate a few potatoes and some chicken but DH called from another room that he wasn't hungry any more and didn't want any.

Had no idea what was going on but was a bit cross as awkward and unhappy meal; encouraged them to pull their crackers. Pretty much abandoned the table after. DSD went to the study where DH was and the door was shut.

DS went to play with his lego and I tidied up - I was really cross by now as had no idea what was going on and why DSD had been so upset.

Anyway, DH eventually tells me after the children have gone to bed that DSD's mother had said some things yesterday to upset her - I don't know what exactly but something about me he wouldn't talk to me about it and as refused to discuss this further and gone to bed.

I am really sad that DSD was upset but really pissed off that he didn't come back to the table to encourage normality for the children and show some solidarity and stability. DS was upset too after all this and couldn't understand what had happened.

I was not OW btw.

I just feel sad and rejected - as if he is backing her mother's disapproval of me/us.

How am I going to support DSD and DS tomorrow with such an awkward atmosphere?

He has told me what the ex said - something nasty about their marriage (can't say as possibly outing) but DSD will not tell him the rest of what was said but the food kicked it all off and reminded her

I do agree with others that if he's now changed his story, that's very worrying for you and his DSD.

Has your cat come back? I'm more worried about the cat than whatever nonsense the humans are up to.

He’s lying. I have to say he sounds ghastly. If you think your relationship is amazing you have terribly low standards.

Has your cat come back? I'm more worried about the cat than whatever nonsense the humans are up to.
Not just me then!

OP I’m sure it’s not easy reading the things posters, including me, have said about your relationship and your husband. But remember we have no agenda at all and we’re trying to look out for you as he should be yet sadly and worryingly isn’t.

A lot of people on here are stepparenting veterans and survivors of bad marriages and there are some really worrying things going on here. You don’t sound as though you trust yourself. If you do decide to accept his changing versions of events and just move past it then what about next time?

Cats are incredibly intuitive creatures and even if everything was said in hushed tones, I bet you that feline knew something was amiss. I'm sure it will come home soon 🐱 💖

OP like PP have said, I really hope you can somehow reconcile this situation permanently with your DH so it doesn't remain unresolved as a festering wound in Christmases to come.

God alone knows what got said about me at DSSs house with his DM, I'm sure she said some tall stories, but whatever was or wasn't said, what I do know is that my DSS's and I share a bond that I've always done my best to characterise to him as a bonus in his life not a replacement to anyone - least of all his DM! All you can do is continue to be the bigger person to your DSD, and hope that your DH can see the error of his ways and not throw away a precious family unity that you have clearly moved heaven and earth to create.

WOW. Ok thank you for your replies and thoughts.
Thankfully the cat came back - was probably sheltering somewhere warm until the weather perked up. I too was really worried - a rubbish Christmas is one thing but couldn't deal with losing the cat!

I know DH isn't lying to me - why would he bother? To clarify: EX said several horrible things firstly about their marriage (which DSD overheard) and then directly to DSD about me.

And yes, we do have a very good marriage and trust each other. His reaction was not something he is proud of and I have to say, that I have reacted to somethings in ways that I am not proud of either. He had the guts to apologise however and yesterday turned into a lovely afternoon and evening all together.

Thanks for helpful responses, especially about step-parenting which is sometimes surprisingly easy and then 2 seconds later I find myself tiptoeing through a minefield, seemingly blindfolded!

I agree with people who have said that what I have been doing when DSD is here and my role in the family unit (as this is one, albeit a mix of backgrounds!) is the same whether she is here or not. Point being that she is welcomed and is an part of this family (as she is with her "other" family). Exactly the same as I would if one of the children had a friend to stay/nieces, nephews etc and I would hope that DS's stepmother treats him the same; you want your children to be loved, welcomed and appreciated wherever they are. The thought of any child not feeling welcome is horrible.

Anyway, I really have gone on enough and will put this thread to bed!
Apologies if I have offended anyone with "blended family" terminology - I know some people can't stand certain terms.