'The Rules' and dating AIBU (gratuitously sweary thread - sorry!!)

[WellAlwaysHaveParis]

I have two close family members (one is married and the other isn't, but is seeing someone) who absolutely swear by 'The Rules' when it comes to dating and relationships.

I've never read The Rules, and sort of think (from what I've heard about them) that they're outdated, sexist bullshit. Feels rude to think that though .

AIBU to please ask how you feel about them? Is it worth sticking to The Rules, or are they shite?

Thanks :)

Urgh he's a twat. Still no text. Ffs.

Honestly I would delete his number. Not block him, but to stop yourself from contacting him. Keep your dignity!! It's such a dreadful feeling when you realise you've given that up. If he gets in touch and behaves with respect, courtesy and like a decent romantic prospect I would re engage tentatively. If not (and sorry, I think it's unlikely) I would simply block him, grieve and have a really good think about what I will and won't accept when dating. All the best

Sorry, I think you have to let this one go.

I let many seemingly good chemistry potential relationships go because the man stopped contacting, with reasons (like yours, busy etc) or not. Looking back with hindsight, they were probably not that into me or were just unsuitable, because they were not ready to settle down then or were just not good relationship material.

The why is not important. You cannot see the why when in the thick of it. What is more important is you have fun and, if possible, have more than one - this includes hobbies, friends, as well as potential dates - on the go at any one time to stop yourself overinvesting too soon. Which is pure Rules.

Why are you still hoping for a text!

He’s just not that into you: move on.

Waiting by your phone is shit and unnecessary. Really feel for you!!

Sorry everyone I know I'm pathetic!! Just deleted his number. Fuck it.

I followed ‘the rules’ only once in my life.

Reader, I married him.

Reader, later on, I divorced him.

Well done well!! Brilliant job. Now you know you can't contact him and if he does he is on watch with you. If he doesn't get in touch after 2 weeks (I'm being generous) block him. You will feel much more in control and better and dodged a bullet. Well done xxx

Thanks Sancerresanwine! :) I feel so much better now! Much calmer and more relaxed, just knowing that contacting him isn't even an option. And if he does get into contact, then I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.

You're not pathetic - you met someone you felt a connection with. It's heartbreaking to realise it's not what you thought. Try Googling 'dating myself'. Take a break from old and make yourself feel amazing. This man sounds like he pressed your buttons either consciously or on a subconscious level. Read about love addiction, try not to label yourself and take some of the advice that seems to fit. Mainly, most importantly, start appreciating you for being you

Go for it well. You will only feel more and more better as you appreciate yourself more and weed out the unsuitables.

Reader, I married him.

Reader, later on, I divorced him.

I firmly believe in this advice: men like the chase.

Speaking for my people, we fucking hate 'the chase'. Well, some men do, some see relationships as a game, even a 'hunt'- you do not want to date those men.

I'd rather have a lass who offers to pay half, knows what she wants and can indicate whether she's interested or not without childish games.

Just googled those rules and they are hysterical. Are we sure it isn't a parody?

Wow even hard core Morris follows the rules

That’s made my day !!!!

"You do not want to date those men". Very wise words donquixote

I think for the most part pp have been saying don't follow the rules absolutely, but see what they're based on: valuing yourself, expecting the man to put in some effort.

I've been advocating He's Just Not That Into You which isn't about game playing. It's about accepting that if a man doesn't call you, doesn't arrange dates, doesn't prioritise you it's because he doesn't like you enough. That doesn't mean you can't pay half, suggest dates yourself or text him. But it does give you a healthier perspective on when he doesn't text you back or find time to see you. It means you should stop obsessing about it and move on.

I also definitely recommend dating yourself. I did this for almost a year before doing online dating again. I went to Paris and Oz, brunched, went to plays and comedy and sport. I felt good about myself and had stuff to talk about. It also meant I wouldn't put up with any old loser as they needed to be at least as good as dating myself.

When I started dating again I felt more confident, didn't put up with guys wanting it all their own way or going hit and cold. Then I met a good guy and I'm marrying him next month!

Congratulations ClareB :) I'm so happy for you :) you're so right. I need to find someone who won't waste my time and play silly games.

Good on you well. Also have a look at the book 'you weren't that into him either!' I think it's called something like that - very helpful to me.

Old isn't for women who are sensitive, recovering from a painful breakup or generally a bit green about what old allows a lot of men to do, which frankly is to fib or obfuscate about who they are and what their intentions are. Good luck!!

Trills I thank you.
takes a bow

Delete and block x 100

Having been through this mill even if he does get in contact it’ll be more of the same just over a longer period. This guy is not the one and is wasting your time.

This guy could have any number of issues (emotionally unavailable etc) but ultimately can’t give you what you want so i’d move on.
On a separate note sorry this happened
be kind to yourself