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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can't tell an 11 month old off?

108 replies

moita · 26/12/2017 18:37

Longtime lurker, first time poster. More than happy to be told YABU as tiredness may have tipped me over the edge.

My just turned 11 month old is a happy, sociable boy but he has a habit of shouting/screaming: mostly this is when he's overtired and needs a nap.

He started doing this over Christmas dinner. I knew it was from overstimulation/excitment. I've tried to keep to his routine over Christmas but things like having lunch later and having people over/new toys have thrown him out.

FIL objected to his shouting - leaned over the table to DS and started calling him a bad baby and bad DS's name. MIL objected but he argued he needs to learn.

I was a bit Shock and tried to explain that DS has no other way to communicate, hence his frustration.

I ended up putting DS down for a nap and he was back to his normal cheerful self after that.

I haven't spoken to DH about it yet but AIBU to think FIL was wrong? I blame myself for not napping DS quicker rather than my baby for being tired!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/12/2017 18:38

Screaming? Why didn't you take him away from the table?1

TheChineseChicken · 26/12/2017 18:39

YANBU, you can't reason with an 11 month old! They are just learning how to communicate. Even for an older child, calling them 'bad' is completely inappropriate and cruel

Original poster
moita · 26/12/2017 18:40

@wolfiefan I was getting him out of his highchair as soon as it was apparent he'd had enough

OP posts:
TheChineseChicken · 26/12/2017 18:40

Tip for next time though - time your baby's nap to coincide with mealtime if it's a formal meal (ie with guests and expected to take a while). Much easier!

CharisInAlexandria · 26/12/2017 18:44

Yanbu It’s impossible to reason with an 11 month year old.

Two of mine went through a phase making high pitched screaming noises. There isn’t a lot you can do apart from wait for them to grow out of it which they will.

Christmas dinner is a family event and your fil needs to be more tolerant.

Neolara · 26/12/2017 18:47

Your fil clearly has completely forgotten at what age kids can do different stuff. This is completely normal. I have 3 kids and the youngest is 8 and I can barely remember what babies are capable of understanding at various stages. You are right. He is wrong. But I certainly wouldn't get upset about it or think too badly of your fil.

Candyfloss1122 · 26/12/2017 18:50

Yanbu, I have an 11 month old and would never dream of shouting at her or telling her off.

If anyone did that to my dd I would be straight out of there, completely unacceptable behaviour from fil.

SandSnakeofDorne · 26/12/2017 18:53

Mine is a little older and understands the word no and mostly actually stops doing whatever it is. (Not being smug here, my older one would just laugh and carry on, it’s personality not
parenting). But when they’re screaming they aren’t going to be listening, even if they do normally. Your FIL is being ridiculous.

wowbutter · 26/12/2017 18:55

Of course you CAN tell an eleven month old off. It is just a bit pointless, stupid and mean. They're not going to understand or remember or learn from it.
You bad baby, what utter tosh !

why12345 · 26/12/2017 18:58

My son is 2 and I would put up with anyone saying stuff like that to him! A bad baby? What a tit head!

why12345 · 26/12/2017 18:59

Sorry that should of said wouldn't 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

ZoopDragon · 26/12/2017 19:04

I think you should have taken him into another room when he started screaming. Yes it's a family meal, but a screaming/yelling baby spoils it for others. At that age my DD wouldn't have managed to sit quietly for the duration of a meal. I wouldn't like somebody telling her off, but its unfair to expect them to put up with it. I usually tried to put her down for a nap first, or ate later.

Original poster
moita · 26/12/2017 19:18

Zoop - you are right. It was DH and mine's fault and I think I need to be more proactive rather than reactive next time!

OP posts:
ItsChristmoose · 26/12/2017 19:22

If any of mine did that screaming thing even at 11mths (it's a phase they all seem to go through) they get a sharp 'ah ah' from me. Even 11 month olds understand basic communication.

eurochick · 26/12/2017 19:38

Fil sounds like a twat but nobody likes a shouting baby when they are trying to eat. I think you should have taken him away sooner or as others have suggested time dinner and nap to coincide. My child is 3.5 and this is the first year she has had Christmas dinner with us because she can just about sit through a longish meal with adults. Before now I don't think it would have been fun for her or our guests, and we would have had a disturbed dinner trying to keep her quiet.

Unihorn · 26/12/2017 19:41

ItsChristmoose congratulations on having super understanding children but I would hazard a guess that 99% of babies that age would have no clue what ah ah means.

Greenshoots1 · 26/12/2017 19:46

YABU, as foster carers we are taught that unless a child has an inate sense of right and wrong by 18 months, they have missed the boat and will never have a git feeling for it ever. You teach them to do as you are told. Ive seen a baby of 12 months in an extremely dangerous situation controlled entirely by their mothers voice until they could be reached. The certainly know if they are being naughty at that age, and mostly want to be good.

RicottaPancakes · 26/12/2017 19:48

You can say no to an 11 month old, or remove them. Children understand no at that age (although they might not always stop what you want them to stop doing1) No point in saying "bad baby" though.

Unihorn · 26/12/2017 19:50

There is a massive difference between an 11 month old and an 18 month old though!

LuchiMangsho · 26/12/2017 19:56

My prem 11 month (so developmentally 14 weeks younger) understands 'no' and 'uh no' and 'shh'. That doesn't mean that these will work when he's overtired and in need of a nap. But to suggest that 11 months old can't be told to stop doing something (and expect them to get it) is a bit indulgent.
Incidentally it's one of the questions my consultant asked at the last appointment: when you say a firm 'no' does he stop momentarily and look at you? And then carry on doing whatever he was?

There is no point 'telling off' an 11 month old but you can distract, engage and remove from situations and you can say 'no' to behaviour you would say no to if they were older (like pulling their sibling's hair or trying to grab my glasses).

Hatsoffdear · 26/12/2017 19:59

Love seriously your fil is a twat. Our nearly 2 year old grandson got fed up over Christmas lunch. He got down, played and had a sandwich.

Us adults left, 11 of us, managed to understand and accommodate.

He’s a baby. Good grief.

green

You are quite frightening. I worked in child protection and child nursing for years and you judge a baby at 18 months?

Think again

Pengggwn · 26/12/2017 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaeSkywalker · 26/12/2017 20:01

I don’t think you can tell them off, but by 1 year old has understood ‘no’ for a couple a months now, and it usually helps discourage the behaviour. It probably wouldn’t stop him screeching though, especially if he was bored or overtired- in that instance, I’d distract him, and if that failed I’d move him away.

Spikeyball · 26/12/2017 20:01

Greenshoots what utter rubbish.

Greenshoots1 · 26/12/2017 20:02

spikeyball, it isn't rubbish at all. You might not be aware of it, doesn't make it rubbish.