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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does you cook with wine for your toddler?

209 replies

missladybird · 26/12/2017 12:35

Slightly panicking about dd having beef gravy with red wine yesterday. I have bad anxiety and alcohol is a massive trigger due to my childhood and living with an alcoholic. I would never ever serve food cooked in wine but didn't realise yesterday until it was too late.

Am I overreacting or would you freak out too?

OP posts:
user1499333856 · 26/12/2017 22:43

Are you still barking on about this?

Total madness.

Your child is fine. This will not tip them over in to alcoholism. You will not come downstairs tomorrow to find your child clutching a can of Special Brew.

Be a good parent and try to think about this rationally and get your emotions under control. What a poor example.

There is no harm. Go see your GP.

Original poster
missladybird · 26/12/2017 22:44

Wow. Some great responses to someone with a diagnosed mental illness.

OP posts:
Shmithecat · 26/12/2017 22:47

OP, that's the point - your anxiety/my issues are the problem here, not the trace amount of alcohol in red wine gravy... go and get some help. You have not made your child an alcoholic. My DS has moules mariniere occasionally, the liquor is generally half and half cream and white wine. He's fine.

Betsy86 · 26/12/2017 22:57

If there was alcohol in that product then it would flag up as being a age restricted item when it is scanned. And i promise you it doesnt!
Things like liquer chocs etc do, things lile steak and ale pies red wine gravy etc do not as everyone had said it burns off when cooking it probably evaporated in some part of the process of getting into that jar.
You really dont need to stress about this. I have quite bad anxiety over illness etc so i know its hard not to get worked up but this is defo a non issue to your childs health.x

BackInTheRoom · 26/12/2017 23:01

@missladybird

Do you have OCD?

Original poster
missladybird · 27/12/2017 03:09

Yes Bibbidee

Hugely triggered by alcohol or chemicals.

OP posts:
Original poster
missladybird · 27/12/2017 03:11

I'm now panicking that they added red wine to the gravy to make it more alcoholic. It's exhausting

OP posts:
AyeAyeFishyPie · 27/12/2017 03:17

I speak as someone with anxiety too. You need to verbalise what you are afraid of. What is the thing at the root of this - what are you worried about?

Battleax · 27/12/2017 03:23

Whatever treatment you are receiving for your anxiety isn't really doing the job, is it?

You deserve proper treatment.

Original poster
missladybird · 27/12/2017 08:51

I'm on 100mg of sertraline and have had counselling but I still have flare ups.

Since she's been eating normal food I've obsessed over ingredients, making sure there are no traces or alcohol. And now this has happened it has really affected me. I'm worried that they added more wine to it and I'm worried that the chocolate roll had alcohol in it too, and I was too careless to check

OP posts:
Beakyplinders · 27/12/2017 08:55

I agree with others in that whatever treatment you're currently receiving isn't quite doing the trick. It must be exhausting for you to constantly worry and be on edge like this :-(

frieda909 · 27/12/2017 09:02

I once downed an entire glass of wine while my parents’ backs were turned. I was three or four at the time. My parents were horrified and rushed me to A&E. The doctor just shrugged and said ‘well she’ll probably sleep well tonight!’ and that was it.

I was, and still am, absolutely fine.

That was a whole glass. Your daughter must have had about a teaspoon of wine at the most! There really is nothing to worry about. Even if they added more wine to the gravy, even if there was a bit of booze in the pudding, there is still nothing to worry about. She is fine.

Etymology23 · 27/12/2017 09:04

12%*9% = 1.08% alcohol with zero cooking and assuming a high strength red wine.

So after cooking it will likely be half that, say, so 0.54%.

Assuming that she had,say, 50ml gravy (which would be quite a lot, really), then she would have have 0.25ml alcohol. That’s a tenth of the small side of a calpol spoon. Really really negligible and no concern at all.

I can see you are recognising that this is your anxiety - I’d suggest that aiming to exclude alcohol from your child’s diet so completely is a sign that your OCD and anxiety is causing you problems and will not be a long term solution to this issue. Can you speak to your doctor about it?

PinkyBlunder · 27/12/2017 09:12

I don't know who to believe. The ones who say it's a myth or not that’s easy. It’s not a myth. You learn about this in GCSE chemistry. It’s very basic.

You’ve recognised this has nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with anxiety. If you’re having a ‘flare up’ of anxiety your treatment needs reviewing because you really shouldn’t be having flare ups you can’t manage.

Stop talking about your anxiety and phone your GP today.

BackInTheRoom · 27/12/2017 09:21

Maybe change your antidepressant for another one because the one you're on isn't working. Have you been diagnosed with OCD?

GinIsIn · 27/12/2017 09:26

I would also suggest you speak to Al Anon for some advice about your attitude to alcohol. Your fear of alcoholism has created an obsession with alcohol that is very unbalanced and also not a good behavioural model for your child. My mother was an anorexic, and withheld and restricted any ‘bad foods’ obsessively when I was a child. As a result, I’ve struggled with binge eating my whole life as I had no control mechanism in place once I went out into the world myself.

Oblomov17 · 27/12/2017 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
missladybird · 27/12/2017 09:44

I'm sure I'm not the only parent to not be ok with their child having food with alcohol in it?

OP posts:
DumbledoresApprentice · 27/12/2017 09:49

This thread is really sad. As others have said please go to the GP. The medication that you are on is clearly not controlling your symptoms. There is no way that gravy could have harmed your child in any way and nobody in a factory would add extra wine to make it more alcoholic. The quantities would all be measured out in batches. I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

kittensinmydinner1 · 27/12/2017 09:50

You are certainly the first one obsessing to this degree, that I have ever heard of in six decades.

Your unhealthy attitude to alcohol combined with out of control anxiety will be much harder for your children to cope with then the minuscule amount of alcohol in standard food stuffs.

Your behaviour (as you know) is disproportionate in the extreme. You need to seek urgent medical assistance.

Weedsnseeds1 · 27/12/2017 09:51

You were up at gone 3am stressing about this.
Please book a doctor's appointment today, for you, not your child ( who is perfectly well), explain the situation and that your current medication isn't working.

DumbledoresApprentice · 27/12/2017 09:52

It’s really not normal to worry about trace amounts of alcohol like this. There is no risk or danger to the child. Why would a healthy person worry about it?

GinIsIn · 27/12/2017 09:53

Well, most parents are capable of realising that alcohol in food is in minute traces so actually yes I think most parents are fine with it.

Marcine · 27/12/2017 09:55

It isn't a myth that some of the alcohol burns off/evaporates, its just people overstate and say all of it.

However, a tiny tiny percentage of alcohol in something your child probably ate a spoonful of is so little it isn't worth thinking about.

The breast milk I feed my 3 month old is probably more alcoholic than the gravy and cake added together!

Lunalovepud · 27/12/2017 10:00

@missladybird I was reading this wondering if perhaps you had OCD and now see that you have... I am really sorry this is happening to you... I have OCD and completely understand how debilitating the anxiety and complete panic is.

Couple of things... Firstly, if the pack doesn't state an ABV (like on a bottle of wine or beer etc) then there is most likely no alcohol at all in it at all. If there is, it is probably like chucking a drop into a swimming pool - it's detectable with full on testing but not detectible with consumption.

Secondly, if there was any alcohol in there in the first place, it would have been burned off with cooking.

I know this probably won't help, or will only give you a short moment of relief before you start worrying about the unknowns again but honestly, this is the absolute truth.

Your OCD seems to be triggered by responsibility (as mine is) and I just want to let you know that you are not irresponsible - you are doing a great job. You don't have to check everything your DC consume in minute detail to be a good parent. If, and I mean IF your DC had a drop of alcohol (which I am sure they didn't) this doesn't make you a bad parent or represent a failure in care or judgement.

Please speak to your GP as soon as you can and get a referral for some talking therapies... You don't have to feel like this.

OCD is a complete bastard but you can be free of the symptoms... I had some excellent treatment on the NHS and now when I get intrusive thoughts (when I am tired usually - 2 small kids, no sleep, general chaos) I can recognise them immediately for what they are and they don't cause me any real distress any more. It is liberating after so many years of misery to essentially give the middle finger to OCD every time I can dismiss one of these thoughts and calm myself from the anxiety. I hope you are starting to feel better today.