Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH Wants a dog ....

77 replies

confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 07:31

I don't! He works away a lot and I also work, we have 1DC.

I don't want a dog, I don't want the tie of a dog.

How can I tell OH this is a bad idea.

He even said "you can look after it when I am away" - errrrr NO!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2017 07:33

Just ask him how he will train and look after it ( HIM NOT YOU)
All the family have to want a pet, not just one
We have one and we love him to bits but it’s hard work and a huge responsibility

user1491753603 · 26/12/2017 07:33

It’s pretty simple - say you don’t want a dog. It’s a big responsibility and should be a joint decision, if one of you is not on board with it then it shouldn’t happen.

StripySocksAndDocs · 26/12/2017 07:35

"Dogs are pack animals they need, and crave, company. Leaving them for hours each day when we're at work would be cruel. You can get a dog knowing it'll be unhappy."

Have you said no you won't look after it when he's away?

Original poster
confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 07:35

He's adamant. Even found a breeder with one that's ready end of January.

There is no way I want a dog. I need to make this clear, if he goes ahead what do I do?????

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 07:36

Have you said no you won't look after it when he's away?

No I haven't ..... but I need to.

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 26/12/2017 07:43

He wants a puppy for Christmas, he cannot take care of it, but mummy who works full time and take care of a child for a lot of time on her own when he is travelling, can shut up and take the responsibility because he is he won’t.

How come you cannot even talk to him about this? Or even have to ask about how to talk to him about something as simple as this? Are you already walking on eggshells around him? Stop treating him like a spoiled child who wants a puppy for Christmas that he won’t care for or he will start acting like one.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 26/12/2017 07:44

By the way, I can assure you that he won’t look after him while he is away and will be “too tired” to take responsibility for the dog when he is not.

OliviaBenson · 26/12/2017 07:44

Bloody well lay it out that you do not want a dog and will not be looking after it. He's trying to steamroller you into it.

Failing that, Contact the breeder and explain you don't want a dog. Cut him off at the source.

Poor dog is a loving creature that needs to be loved and wanted by both owners.

OliviaBenson · 26/12/2017 07:44

Living creature *

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 26/12/2017 07:47

What kind of relationship do you have, that he feels you don't even need to discuss/agree things?

Do you normally do the wifewirk/shitwork?

ohamIreally · 26/12/2017 07:50

He's trying to force you into the wife/mother stuck at home whilst he's away travelling. He knows it's a tie and will curtail your freedom. Don't allow this to happen.

viktoria · 26/12/2017 08:01

We got a dog last year. I knew it was going to entail a lot of work - but I honestly didn't realise just how much.
We love our dog to bits and it works as all 4 of us (DH, DD and DS) help - with DH working from home 2 days a week.
But we can't ever leave the dog more than 3 hours on his own - and only after he's been walked.
Oh, yes, and in the evenings he gets restless, so we haven't had an evening out with the 4 of us since we had the dog.
Plus puppies are even more work (initially they can't really be left on their own at all)

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 26/12/2017 08:09

Do not get a dog unless you have researched the breed and training, and definitely don't if it's not what you want.

It is massively unfair to bring a dog into this situation, on you and the dog. Our dog is 7, was very much wanted - I researched the breed and a few health issues were mentioned but the reality is much, much worse. I wouldn't change our dog for the world but there are some days and circumstances where I really wish we hadn't gone ahead.

Your DH is being a massive child. He 'wants' a dog so therefore you're all having one. If circumstances don't allow, then they don't allow - he needs to accept that. Do not give in.

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/12/2017 08:12

Spell it out very clearly that you do not want a dog and are not prepared to look after it. I second possibly contacting the breeder and explaining your circumstances (him working away, you working ft etc) and that you don't want a dog. A good breeder may actually help you out and get your husband to reconsider.

Alternatively, look up doggy day care and explain to him that he will have to arrange (and fund) this so that the dog can be cared for.

I agree with you though, a dog would not got in with your circumstances. It is irresponsible of him to get a dog.

I would also love a dog but won't have one because we work and have a young child.

ColonelJackONeil · 26/12/2017 08:16

You must be firm if you don't want it and make sure he's clear on that. The chance of this dog not working out for your family and having to be rehomed would be very high and that is just not fair on the dog. Even people who dearly want a puppy can find it a big struggle. Post puppy blues is a recognised thing on the dog boards because they are such hard work and people start wondering if they made a big mistake. So if you don't want the dog and your oh is not going to be available to do the caring for much of the time you must say no, for your own sake and for the sake of the dog.

Oblomov17 · 26/12/2017 08:21

I understand. Dh and dc want a dog. I love dogs. But I know it will all be left to me. So I say no.

Wolfiefan · 26/12/2017 08:23

Do NOT get a dog!!
You need to be clear and blunt. You won't walk it, train it, clear up after it or watch it 24/7 when it is round the kids. (See thread about bitten 4 year old.)
A puppy can't be left. At all. Who is taking time off work? Will he wake in the night for it?
Has he sorted doggy daycare for when he's away or is he taking it with him? Or will it go into kennels? Or will he stop travelling?!
No?
Then no dog.
And a breeder who suddenly had pups available? Probably a puppy farmer.
Foot down time.
And yes. I have a dog. I love my dog. She's been a LOT of work though.

Ratinthehat · 26/12/2017 08:32

My ex was like this except he didn't work away. He never lifted a finger round the house or helped with the 3 children but thought a dog to take out and about on weekends would be a great idea. We live in a flat with no garden so it would have been even more work. He had a rose tinted view of dogs as he has never owned one. I pointed out that he didn't even look after the children (which he denied). Part of me felt it was a way of wanting to keep me busy a bit like how he kept wanted children and when I went and got sterilized got a job and started getting a bit of freedom he suddenly wanted a dog.

Anyway I said no constantly the children were told how mean I was for saying no until one day I came home and he had bought one off a person locally. He had done no research or anything and didn't even know what breed it was. The children were all playing with it and excited. I think I shocked him when I took it back to the seller. He was so angry I didn't get his money back and the children were obviously upset but there was no way I wanted one. I love dogs but I didn't want to be tied down and knew I would be the one to cope with it. I worked 12 hr night shifts at the time and had to do the school runs as he wouldn't so was running on empty as it was.

You really need to talk to him and make it 100% clear you do not want a dog.

CrestedTit · 26/12/2017 08:35

It is not complicated. Say no.

AnathemaPulsifer · 26/12/2017 08:38

You need to say the words inside your head, the first time he raised it and every time thereafter.

Sounds like you haven’t said a word against it so far, so he’d be perfectly reasonable to have put a deposit on a puppy.

Angrybird345 · 26/12/2017 08:39

Say no, and if he persists, say you want a divorce.

TovaGoldCoin · 26/12/2017 08:39

Tell him no. no no no no. We are a dog owning family, but only have one now because I can come home in my lunch break occasionally, and my Mama has my dog (at her request) a couple of afternoon a week. Dogs can't be left all day, and nerd live and attention. Point out to him you cannot take on the burden of a dog ( toilet training a puppy, lead training, chewing, vaccination schedule, neutering etc) and he's being thoughtless.

TheDogsMother · 26/12/2017 08:40

Tell him you will consider it when he is around enough to look after it properly. Please do not bring a dog into a home where it can't be given lots of exercise and plenty of company. They take a lot of training and commitment and will change your life. Please take this from someone else whose husband wanted a dog !

BitOfFun · 26/12/2017 08:41

Yesterday I was privileged to overhear a telephone conversation in the car on the loudspeaker, between my beloved's adult son (driving) and his aunt. Our lovely driver said "Can I bring the dog?", and Assertive Aunt just barked "No!"

He tried again, and Assertive Aunt said "No. I don't want the dog here."

All on loudspeaker. I was in awe.

Do that. Take no shit. It's the way forward.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 08:43

This puts you in a very difficult position if he just goes ahead against your wishes, after all you can't just ignore the dog while he's not there it's a sentient creature

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.