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Original poster

OH Wants a dog ....

77 replies

confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 07:31

I don't! He works away a lot and I also work, we have 1DC.

I don't want a dog, I don't want the tie of a dog.

How can I tell OH this is a bad idea.

He even said "you can look after it when I am away" - errrrr NO!

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 26/12/2017 08:45

Please don't go along with this.

No reputable breeder would have puppies available. Read up on where's mum?
Any dog with this little thought is just stupid. It is 15years of commitment. Every one in the house hold must fully support and want it.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 08:46

@Bitoffun, obviously good on your aunt but I'm a bit surprised that you were in awe, is it really that unusual to just say no .....to not give in over something that you feel strongly about?

silkpyjamasallday · 26/12/2017 09:11

You need to set out your very valid reasons for saying no, then repeat as necessary. I'm like a broken record with DP, I would love a dog, but I'm not dealing with a dog and a toddler. I've said we can reconsider when DD is a teen, but only if our circumstances are suitable for a dog, i.e. One of us at home enough to care for it properly. I really don't like that some people get dogs and leave them alone all day, it's cruel imo. If you think he may go ahead and get the dog against your wishes, feign interest to get the breeders contact details off your DH, then call them and tell them straight up not to sell you DH the dog, because you don't have favourable circumstances for one at the moment.

RupertsMum2 · 26/12/2017 09:14

We got a Labrador puppy in the summer. Both DH and I have had dogs since childhood. We already have an older Labrador. We are both at home all day. Our youngest child is 11, the others are young adults. We all wanted another dog. The perfect situation ....... and yet, we were totally unprepared for the amount of work a puppy would bring.

We did shifts through the night the first week as he just wouldn't settle. He chews everything and I mean everything, kitchen cupboards, walls, anything left within his reach. He's now almost adult sized but with no sense yet so can reach anything left on the kitchen worktop. We haven't put a Christmas tree up this year for obvious reasons.

I love him to bits. I look at my older Labrador and think that, one day, he will be like this. However sometimes I do regret getting him and my husband has voiced this several times.

Honestly, for everyone's sake, say NO.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 26/12/2017 09:19

I love dogs. I have two of my own and I help support a local rescue. They are great companions, very rewarding and I wouldn't be without them.

But -

They are hard work, a major tie and a big responsibility. They can be expensive - not just with vet's fees if they are ill, but with the chewing and scratching when they are puppies. They need training, attention, walking and socialisation.

In your shoes I would tell your OH that you do not want a dog. That if he is "adamant" he wants one, then he'd better find a new job where he's not working away, so that he can be on hand to look after it. And that if he goes ahead and gets the dog and fucks off and leaves you to it, then you will be taking the dog back to the breeder. End of discussion.

juneau · 26/12/2017 09:20

Call the breeder and tell them that you don't want the dog. Tell them that your DH does, but you absolutely do not. Any breeder worth their salt would never let their dog go to a home where it wasn't 100% wanted.

Dogs are a huge amount of work. I grew up with dogs, there are still lots of dogs in my family and several friends have them and whatever the breed, size, etc, they all have one thing in common - they are a horrendous tie. You've got to walk the dog every single day - twice ideally - and you have to be at home for the dog - you can't go out all day or spontaneously do anything that takes longer than about 3 hours because you have to get back for the dog. Going away for the weekend? What do you do with the dog? Going on holiday? That will be several hundred pounds in kennel fees. Not to mention the filth they bring into the house in winter and that they will quite possible chew your furniture, scratch the doors, shit all over the lawn ... do I need to go on?

Original poster
confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 09:25

I don't want a dog. I know how hard they are.

OP posts:
Wilburissomepig · 26/12/2017 09:30

Why haven't you just said no before he takes this further?

Wolfiefan · 26/12/2017 09:36

So say no. Clearly. Confused

comfortandjoy · 26/12/2017 09:46

My DP wants a dog . Brings it up every few months, but I know I would have to do all the work as he works longer hours. I tell him no and that he doesn't have time to care for one. I don't want to end up with the extra work. You really need to make it clear so he understands clearly how you feel.
I remember that episode of madmen where DD came home drunk with a puppy for the family - no intention of looking after it.

hendricksyousay · 26/12/2017 09:47

I want a dog , my dh doesn't .. so we don't have one .. it's like children you need to be in agreement !!!...

Greyhorses · 26/12/2017 09:49

Speaking from the other side I got a dog against DHs advice. He didn't particularly want dog but said yes on the understanding I did everything.

The dog (actually multiple dogs now Blush) have made me very happy and I don't regret them. They have made me fitter, healthier and given me purpose.

But they have also created mess, destruction, hair, noise and a tie that wasn't there before.

DH lives with it as he hasn't got to do anything to help but I suppose he wouldn't be so okay with it in your situation.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 26/12/2017 09:54

Oh fucking hell, I would hate that, so much work, such a tie, and you’ll end up getting attached to it so feel unable to regime it when you realise you can’t cope with the training, walking, exercising, shit and hair everywhere.
—Or, in my friends case, you’ll be left with it when dh fucks off—
I agree with a op, cut him off at source, call the breeder and grass him up. Surely a breeder won’t want want to let a puppy go to a home where
It’s not wanted/ can’t be looked after properly

Nancy91 · 26/12/2017 09:57

If you don't want a dog, make it clear to the breeder he is going to that you don't want it. Tell them not to sell him a dog. Tell them you will be bringing it straight back.

He's being really selfish.

AuntLydia · 26/12/2017 10:00

You surely have bigger problems than a dog if you don't know how to tell him 'no, absolutely not'. Are you scared he'll get angry or will he just take no notice and get it anyway?

givemesteel · 26/12/2017 10:11

A dog is a joint decision which both have to agree to.

My dh hates dogs and would never want one. I would love one one day but know it would be 100% my responsibility if we got one. Do would have to organise and pay for dog walking / day care whilst at work, kennels for holidays, food, vets and know that I'd have to be the one walking it even if I was ill / torrential rain etc.

That's a big responsibility so I would only do it if I had more capacity and my life was different to now. Realistically retirement.

You just have to be really firm and if necessary ring the breeder and say your dh's enquiries are without your consent and any dog bought would be returned.

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 10:21

What if the breeder just takes the money and doesn't care what happens to the dog?

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 26/12/2017 10:49

The trouble is that people who want dogs as pets don’t really get that others don’t. It’s always there, a yearning, an assurance that it’ll be ok because they’re focusing on a vision of the dog. They don’t mind that dogs smell and shed hair and demand attention
So, thankfully, some dog people are thoughtful and take their family and circumstances into consideration so will put aside or defer their desire for a dog, but the wanting doesn’t go away. Less considerate people will just get the dog. If your dh is one
of the latter then you’re just going to have to suck it up and resent him whilst you take on responsibility for the dog. If you’re “lucky” he might defer for a while but it will always be an issue. One of you
Is going to be resentful and disappointed. I vote for it not being you, which means you have to stand your ground and if he gets one anyway just take it back

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 10:57

I think you're spot on @DrK!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 26/12/2017 11:04

My dad tried to convince my mum to get a dog a few years ago. He went on and on about it for years but mum always said no, they’d had dogs and cats in the past and she’d had enough. In a final push he said that it would be okay as if they went away they’d be able to send it to me to babysit. I just said I wouldn’t. I don’t like dogs enough to have one in my house, and the cats I have are enough.

He was crushed, I think he’d hoped I’d help.

He hasn’t mentioned a dog now for years which is good.

BrownTurkey · 26/12/2017 11:10

Don’t do it. Tell him his lifestyle doesn’t fit, and you are not prepared to be left with an extra responsibility when he is away.

A friend really resents the dog in this situation, and although it is well cared for, she doesn’t have a bond with it and it doesn’t get love from its main attachment figure (her).

ohfortuna · 26/12/2017 11:12

For some people a dog is an essential part of a home
For others a dog is a thing that you would refuse to have in your home
Never the Twain shall meet, there is no mutually acceptable compromise

fleshmarketclose · 26/12/2017 11:34

Don't agree to this,tell him loud and clear. I love our dog, he's an absolute joy but he is another responsibility and it's like having a toddler for years. As a puppy it was horrendous and that was when we all wanted him and pulled together to care for him and train him. You can't possibly take on a puppy when you both work anyway who is going to take the puppy out every twenty minutes? Doggy daycare won't have him until he's immunised. You can't leave an adult dog alone for more than four hours a puppy needs round the clock supervision,it could be six months before you could leave a puppy alone for a couple of hours. Your h is being a twat,you need to tell him this.

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2017 11:35

You clearly haven't made yourself clear.

If you don't he will get one.

So you know what to do...

AnonymousToday2 · 26/12/2017 11:42

Bloody hell. Why are you making it so difficult?

'Dh I do not want a dog. No. I will not have a dog in the house'.

Why all the hand wringing about how you tell him and what if he gets one? Hmm

If you're unable to bring yourself to have such a normal, basic conversation with your oh you should be looking at whether the relationship is right, not at whether you should get a pet.

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