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Original poster

OH Wants a dog ....

77 replies

confusedhelpme · 26/12/2017 07:31

I don't! He works away a lot and I also work, we have 1DC.

I don't want a dog, I don't want the tie of a dog.

How can I tell OH this is a bad idea.

He even said "you can look after it when I am away" - errrrr NO!

OP posts:
BattleaxeGalactica · 26/12/2017 11:51

Do not let this happen.

It will become your responsibility by default.

BackInTheRoom · 26/12/2017 11:54

I'm confused OP. Why can't you just say 'No' to him? Bizarre?

stitchglitched · 26/12/2017 11:56

You need to clearly and assertively say no. DP would absolutely love a dog. He works long shifts and I am at home with a pre schooler and older DC who has SN who I currently home ed, I also have some health problems. I told him in no uncertain terms that we are not getting a dog, I have enough on my plate! We have a cat, a lovely, easy, cuddly cat and that is more than enough for me. I've agreed to reconsider the dog idea when the kids are older but not for a good few years at least.

specialsubject · 26/12/2017 11:57

Point him at borrow my doggy to satisfy the urge for cleaning up excrement during a walk.

Otherwise it is 'no' for all the obvious reasons. If he is too arrogant or stupid to understand them, I question why you are bothering with him.

Enko · 26/12/2017 12:01

I love dogs. I had a dog as a child and I loved it.. I would love for my children to experience the wonderfulness a dog brings to our family...

HOWEVER..

I work shift patterns . DH leaves at 7 am rarely home until 8-9 pm each day.. Our children are all out minimum 7.30 - 3.30 (some days no one here until 5 pm) This would be complete disaster for a dog. Even if you hired a walker the poor thing would be on its own for hours. Utterly unfair..

So I just continue to research what sort of dog dh and I will have when we retire and dream about how wonderful it is to have a dog..

Right now at this point in our life a dog is not a good choice.

I still want one but the adult in me says " no can do" tell dh to listen to his inner adult.

RebootYourEngine · 26/12/2017 12:04

You seem to be making it into a big deal. Why can you not just say no to him? Is he controlling in other ways?

ColonelJackONeil · 26/12/2017 12:57

I must admit I'm relieved Dh wanted a dog or I would have had to ltb.

PetraDelphiki · 26/12/2017 13:11

I love my dog but he has been barking all night every night for about 2 weeks (there’s a fox around somewhere)...I’m ready to send him back! Not really but totally fed up! He was in our room last night, went downstairs to howl, had to be bought back up then threw up! At 5am...

Dogs are hard work!

Olympiathequeen · 26/12/2017 13:19

Put your foot down and say no dog!
I’ve also been in the position of having a dog imposed on me and ended up with a destroyed garden, dog shit all over the lawn, having to walk the dog as it had so much energy and sinking under mounds of dog hair.
I actually loved our Springer spaniel to bits but never, ever again.

Bluelonerose · 26/12/2017 13:21

Op please don't get a dog if YOU don't want one.

I let my exh have a dog coz he was going to do EVERYTHING. He did for 2 weeks Hmm

2 years later he leaves but doesn't take his dog. I couldn't cope with him. I was gutted when I gave him up (luckily a friend of mine had him so I knew he'd be loved) because pets are for life.

Don't do it to an animal.

Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 13:26

No. You know it’s horribly unfair to get a puppy then dump it at home while you go to work. No decent breeder should have a ‘spare’ puppy and no decent breeder will let you have a pup which they then know will be left for days alone. If the breeder doesn’t want a massive chat with you, walk away anyway. Your DH is being selfish and romanticising the idea of having a dog. Who does he think will toilet train it in the first instance?

Arrietty123 · 26/12/2017 14:44

Be really clear that you don't want a dog. You will definitely end up doing most of the work if he does shifts. Good luck, stay strong op.

WiddlinDiddling · 26/12/2017 14:54

Make yourself clear!

I love dogs, we have five dogs, but OH wants a Schnauzer and that would NOT suit our home and I have said no!

Done properly... a puppy is almost as much work as a baby - you cannot leave them alone, they need to eat frequently, toilet frequently, and be closely supervised so they learn all the right things and none of the wrong things.

Sure plenty of people get a puppy and immediately leave it alone long periods - I see those later on in life for behavioural problems, separation anxiety etc - they basically pay my way if the dog is lucky and they ask for help.

Much of the time the dog is not lucky and is discarded at a rescue or euthanised for some made up reason.

You both need to want a dog, you both need time for a dog - neither of you have the time, and one of you doesn't want.

No dog!

katmarie · 26/12/2017 15:19

This isn't an area where you can compromise unfortunately. Unless your OH is prepared to change his working pattern significantly to accomodate the dog, then you must say no, for your sake and for the animal's sake.

As many many others have said, a puppy is a huge commitment, and in the early days requires pretty much constant care and attention. That doesn't really change that much as they get older, for example my 7yr old cairn terrier has typically been a very low maintenance dog, but recently has developed bladder stones, and has had surgery this week. This has upended everything, he's needed careful care, wound management, hand feeding and drugs 3 times a day, as well as having to be let out every 3 hours day and night to toilet, as he has no bladder control at the moment. He's been to the vets a total of 6 times in the last 10 days. It's a life long condition, so he will also need vet checks every 3-6 months, and a special diet, both of which could prove expensive if not covered by insurance. My DP and I are both home based and still we're shattered from the broken sleep alone. I would think very carefully about whether you can see you and your OH managing something like this happening.

It's a 15 year plus commitment, and whilst I love my dogs to bits, I would caution anyone against taking that kind of commitment on if they are in any way unsure.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 26/12/2017 15:30

Read again what Anonymous has written, summed up perfectly, please take it on board.

Willow2017 · 26/12/2017 15:33

JUST SAY NO.

You really need to tell him straight on this before he does something stupid.

If you have to phone the breeder and explain your oh has this romanticized vision of having a dog but you are aware of the reality and as your oh is away a lot and you also work it is not feasable to take on the responsibility of a dog as its not fair on it never mind you. Tell them in no uncertain terms you will bring it straight back if they sell him one. Nip this in the bud before it starts.

He is being a selfish idiot. Thinking of all the fantasy good bits of a dog but ignoring the hard work and impact on the family plus the impact on the dog being left alone for long periods.

TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2017 15:35

Unless the person who wants the dog is able to do most of the dog looking after, it’s a no.

Sofabitch · 26/12/2017 15:48

DH has been wanting a dog for years and years and years.

Anyway we now have a 4 month old puppy and Omg the destruction is insane. We can't go anywhere for long and we finally got to a stage in our life where the children were independant and this is crazy.

And apparently our dog is pretty low maintenance!

You really have to get a dog with your eyes open.

Chattymummyhere · 26/12/2017 15:48

I’d say all tonton

My dh wanted a dog we have four now guess who’s expected to feed/let them out and arrange walks while his at work. Who has to put up with stinky hairy creatures that bark all day.

I can’t wait till they all die from old age and I won’t have to put up with them anymore. I’m never ever getting another dog in my life. Too much hassle/mess/noise and stink.

BattleaxeGalactica · 26/12/2017 16:47

A couple of years ago I finally caved on a cat after at least a decade without one. She was far, far harder work than I expected and remembered for quite a while (she was a year when we had her and still coming out of the mad kitten stage). Still a walk in the park compared to a dog but I won't get another if/when she goes.

Hope you've now had that convo, OP.

Topseyt · 26/12/2017 17:48

Have you even tried to make it clear to him that this shouldn't happen? Have you actually told him no? If you have then how did he react? If you haven't then why haven't you?

I don't think you should get a dog at all. You need to both be on board, and not both working full time. You can't leave them for hours end each day while you are both at work. Not fair on the dog at all.

I have two dogs. A 13 year old labrador and a 12 year old cocker spaniel. I have had the labrador since he was 8 weeks old and the spaniel since she was a year old. I adore both and dread the day that I am without them. They have been very hard work though, and expensive, especially as destructive and energetic puppies and when house training and socialising. They are a big tie too. You either go on holiday to dog friendly places all the time or you will have the considerable expense of boarding kennels on top your holiday costs.

For many of their younger years I was a SAHM. I now work every weekday morning, but am out of the house for under 4 hours. For 6 months of the year (over autumn, winter and spring) I am working from home anyway. DD2 is often in when I am out due to a part time college course. So our dogs are fine. Plenty of company and not left long.

If you as a couple/family cannot or do not want to give a dog anything resembling that then do not get one. Tell your OH a firm NO!!

IAmLucy · 26/12/2017 17:53

I'm not a fan of dogs for various reasons. I don't hate them and I'm not scared of them but I really don't enjoy them as pets.

We have a dog. Not the dogs fault but I really dislike sharing my home with it. I have seethed with resentment towards DH for ten years because of this and it's no exaggeration to say it has changed a little bit of how much I respect him.

DotForShort · 26/12/2017 18:18

I love dogs. IME dogs are not necessarily hard work. Our current dog certainly isn't and never has been, even when he was a puppy. Yes, he requires care and attention but it's not at all overwhelming. However, that was the luck of the draw.

But that is beside the point, really (I just wanted to counter some of the other posts). You don't want a dog and your DH won't even be around to take care of one. Under those circumstances, you should have veto power IMO.

IAmLucy · 27/12/2017 09:30

I guess that's the thing though, dogs aren't really 'hard work' but much like anything else if it's something you don't want you will resent the little things until they become big annoyances. The smell, the hair, the barking - all a non issue to my husband because he wanted the dog. Absolutely drives me to distraction.

I find living with a dog so unpleasant and a small part of me knows I will be silently relieved when our dog is gone. And I really hate feeling that way about any animal. I lay the blame for that firmly at DH's feet, not the dogs.

hendricksyousay · 27/12/2017 09:46

I will just add that I grew up with many Dalmatians . Most were fine but the last one was a nightmare from day one and was totally untrainable . No malice but no recall and no manners despite being trained and trained and having plenty of exercise and a big house and garden to roam around . She died recently at 14 and had a lovely life but was a pain the whole time so dogs can be exceptionally hard work !!

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