SIL didn't buy present for her three month old niece as 'didn't see the point'

[ginfizzliz]

I kind of get it but I also think it's a bit rubbish as there are loads of things that our baby is getting interested in now and I loved buying gifts for my much adored niece and nephew (not hers she doesn't want children) when they were teeny tiny.

AIBU?

My brother informed me a couple of weeks ago that he wouldn't be buying for my children as 'they won't remember it'. They are 7 and 3. Fine, buy for who you want, it doesn't matter about a present, but I still found it a bit hurtful as he was basically saying 'I don't want to buy them anything because I don't care about them that much.'
He still lives with my parents and whenever we visit he disappears in a huff.

It makes me sad but I've had to accept that he just isn't bothered about any of his nieces and nephews I'm just hoping that he comes round and wants to build a relationship when they're a bit older.

She may get some lovely gifts next year OP but unfortunately it may be that she's just not into children and will never be that bothered.

Honestly is this your PFB? 3 months old babies don’t do toys and won’t play for a very long time. You might as well wave a mop or a remote control on from of her. Get a grip really.

On the count of not upsetting you then yes she should get the baby a gift. But the baby has no idea of Christmas.

You can’t just “change a tradition”!

Ooop wrong thread sorry!

The people saying how the parents will already have too much stuff or have bought out the baby store in anticipation and not want stuff are showing their privilege. A lot of people do not have the money to afford a bunch of baby stuff and rely on hand me downs and cheap stuff. A gorgeous good quality onesie no one else has worn first can mean the world.

I think a lot of MNers are stuck in a very middle class bubble.

My son had very little that is new but most if it is good quality. He doesn't need rescuing by a MNER and a new M&S sleepsuit. This post sounds like it has been posted from a middle class bubble

I think it seems a bit mean spirited (as do the posters that didn’t get anything for their toddlers

We are not mean spirited, we absolutely adore our boy. If he needed something we bought it, we just didn't make him wait for a random day to give it him or wrap it up as he couldn't unwrap it himself.

I could never not buy for a baby because ‘they didn’t need it’. No-one needs a Christmas present- it’s just nice.

I didn't need a Christmas present - so I didn't get one. My husband did need some things - so he did. I also think good on you for buying a baby a present - that is a lovely thing to do. I have in now way judged you for your gifting choices - am not sure why you are judging those who do differently

A card to her niece on her first Christmas would be the very least she could have done or she could have bought something Christmassy to be used for years to come like a wooden advent decoration.

DC1 was 5w for his first Christmas and I don't recall him getting a single gift. Barring a few bits from us.

He was our first and everyone was so generous when he arrived (we didn't know sex and didn't have much in way of clothes so everyone went mad) so I think we asked for no Xmas gifts? I can't remember exactly. Sure he got money from a few people but no gifts.

I would buy a token gift but it would be more for the gesture/ not leaving anyone out.

"The people saying how the parents will already have too much stuff or have bought out the baby store in anticipation and not want stuff are showing their privilege. A lot of people do not have the money to afford a bunch of baby stuff and rely on hand me downs and cheap stuff. A gorgeous good quality onesie no one else has worn first can mean the world."

Do we know for a fact that the OP is actually lacking in stuff? She doesn't say anything about being poor or lacking nice things.

I hate clutter and got tired of being given all these little toys and clothes that got grown out of or sicked on. We mostly had hand me downs. Fine by me.

Babies dont need a "bunch of baby stuff"
Youre showing your own privilidge if you think they do
The gifts being suggested are baby tat not baby essentials

Lets clear this one up shall we?

Op is your child short of the basics? Does it have babygros, nappies and food?
Will your SILs lack of gift leave the child un-clothed or un-fed?

YABU. Babies don't need presents and if she has no children she won't have any idea about how, as a parent, you might feel like your baby had been overlooked. I'd buy babies presents now I'm a parent because I understand it will make the parents happy but I genuinely had no idea about babies or small children in the past and never got them anything. No malice, just totally out of my sphere of experience.

What on earth did baby Jesus do with gold, frankincense and myrrh?

Gold is pretty obvious as it was money, but frankincense is a soporific and myrrh is a painkiller.

So it was kinda the biblical equivalent of giving the child a bottle of calpol.

I've brought a Xmas present for a friend's baby who is only 1 month old! YADNBU.

I never buy Christmas presents for babies. I give them cash for their bank account or their parents to choose some clothes.

I know how you feel about the gesture. My close friend buys for other friends children and expects herself bought for. I gave her a thoughtful gift for her birthday, one I knew she wanted. We got nothing and now I get a ten pound voucher for me (birthday and christmas) and she's all 'where's my gift' expecting something thoughtful and expensive. I presumed the ten quid in my late birthday card was for birthday not both! And we weren't doing Christmas. She didn't even get him a £1 ball or acknowledge his birthday despite it being touch and go day a year ago and I felt quite hurt. But that's because she never asks after him, never wants to know and will keep telling me how much she loves others kids. I know why...she is still annoyed my miscarriage and his birth (third pregnancy) interfered with her wedding and new house plans.

Dd is 6 mo and she has been bought so much we don't know what to with it all!!

It's nice that people care and think of her but I think there is only so much a young baby needs.