Page 4 | SIL didn't buy present for her three month old niece as 'didn't see the point'

ginfizzliz · 2017-12-25T16:17:36+00:00

I kind of get it but I also think it's a bit rubbish as there are loads of things that our baby is getting interested in now and I loved buying gifts for my much adored niece and nephew (not hers she doesn't want children) when they were teeny tiny. AIBU?

Pengggwn · 25/12/2017 18:42

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BoneyBackJefferson · 25/12/2017 19:09

I love love love being an aunt.

You need to remember that she isn't you, and your children may never interest her.

wanderings · 25/12/2017 19:18

"Thanks a lot for the gold, and the frankincense, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time, all right?!"

What on earth did baby Jesus do with gold, frankincense and myrrh?

Curious2468 · 25/12/2017 19:34

I've bought a present for sil unborn baby so I don't think you are being inreasonable at all

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/12/2017 00:24

A token :small gift would have been nice

Book rattle teether etc

Saracen · 26/12/2017 01:20

I don't think there is much need to buy for a baby of this age. She probably has most everything she needs, and if there is anything she needs then probably your SIL is not in a very good position to guess what that might be!

If you were very hard up financially then it would be kind of your SIL to buy something which was definitely needed, such as clothes, or club together with other family members to get some necessary large item such as a cot.

Ceebs85 · 26/12/2017 01:23

I didn't buy my 4mo daughter anything because a)there's nothing she needs and b)I knew she'd get loads of pressies from others.

That's quute mean. Even a simple cheap sensory toy would have been better than nothing. I can however see her point of view!

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2017 01:25

My nieces and nephews got books the Christmas before they were born. My friends 5 week old just had a dress and a cuddly toy.

Kids always needs books even if you can't think of anything else

Lweji · 26/12/2017 01:33

YANBU.

It's mostly about acknowledging their existence.

And most people buy for babies as they develop over the following year.

Piewraith · 26/12/2017 01:39

I suppose she is right but personally I find 0-12 months the best age to buy Xmas presents for. You can have fun shopping for something adorable that they will love, make their parents happy, and it need only cost £1-2. But then I bought my cat a gift (bag of cat treats - 50p) so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

EnidButton · 26/12/2017 01:58

Peng oh yes, I totally agree with that. I would (and have in the past) buy for all equally. The ages of the children wouldn't make a difference. I didn't see that the SiL buys for other nieces and nephews. Apologies. I was speed reading whilst having a quick chunk of Christmas cake 5 min breather. I'll re-read it now.

EnidButton · 26/12/2017 02:06

Have re-read the OP's posts and she doesn't say the SiL has other nieces and nephews only that she does. I am extremely tired mind you, but I can't see that anywhere.

Does your SiL have any other nieces and nephews OP? If she does, does she buy gifts for them? (Assuming they're older than yours) They definitely should be treated equally.

It is very unusual not to have given a gift when the baby was born or anything since. That's pretty odd. Did she at least send a card? Even a little gift token card would have taken zero effort if she couldn't be bothered to choose something. I do agree there.

user1471426142 · 26/12/2017 04:09

I think it seems a bit mean spirited (as do the posters that didn’t get anything for their toddlers). I really appreciated all of the toys, books or clothes we were given for my baby’s Christmas when she was younger. I could never not buy for a baby because ‘they didn’t need it’. No-one needs a Christmas present- it’s just nice.

Also I fundamentally disagree that babies don’t need anything like toys or books. I was reading every night to my baby from birth and she loved touch and feel books from a young age. And, while I could have just given her a box of kitchen utensils as a precious poster suggested, I was far happier giving her age appropriate (and safety tested) toys to chew on.

I don’t understand why she didn’t get something the baby would grown into. At 3 months your baby might not seem that exciting but they’ll be so much growth and development and most people seem to buy for a few months ahead.

Alexandrite · 26/12/2017 04:29

Lots of people have said that babies don't need presents, well nor do any of us need presents, or a tree or Christmas dinner.

FarAwayFromLand · 26/12/2017 04:39

There are some right stingy folk MN. She is a person. A member of the family. If other members of the family are being bought for of course she should get something. I'm amazed there are so many people don't buy for babies/toddlers, even their own.

I appreciate at this very second in her life she needs milk, cuddles and a face to look at but do we only get presents that we use/need on Christmas day itself? Of course not. We get presents we can use for the next year(s). So a toy, book, clothes etc would all be used and enjoyed over the coming few months. Why on earth would it have to be tat because it's for a baby?!

turtletum · 26/12/2017 05:04

I've got a 3 month old baby. Admittedly the first nephew/ grandchild on both sides of our family. Everyone bought him a present; books, toys, clothes that he can use over the next year. I've not got 'everything' for him for the next year.
He'll need new clothes in 3 months time. Books are always appreciated. I read to him every day even though he's too young to understand the words. He loves the touchy feely 'thats not my...' books.
I think it slightly mean spirited to have got the baby nothing. I'm surprised how many people on here would have also not bought a present. I buy Xmas gifts for friends babies and have never considered it pointless?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/12/2017 05:06

but do we only get presents that we use/need on Christmas day itself? Of course not. We get presents we can use for the next year(s).
But as a baby she has no idea whether that toy/item of clothing etc was given on a specific day or a completely different day. People who don't buy for their own first born are not saying that they won't buy anything for their baby over the coming year just that they didn't get anything to give to a very young baby today. A 3 month old is probably still wading through the presents given when they were born, most clothes were 0-3 months or 3-6 months. The baby has no concept that it was Christmas and it makes sense to wait until summer clothes are out and the baby is a bit bigger to see what they need then. It is the same with toys, I saw what mine liked to play with at a friend's house and got those when on offer during the year. It is only once they have a sense of Christmas, delayed gratification and something being useful that only giving at Christmas makes sense. Different for second/third children but then the baby gets presents for the benefit of the older ones on the day because of their beliefs in FC and fairness. My older two were older when it was Christmas so did enjoy opening presents/wrapping paper/boxes, my youngest was about 3 months and he got wrapped up toys which the older ones had forgotten and some baby grows.

I am not sure that the sister will ever give to the baby or she might resent buying extra presents in which case OP might choose to say give to baby instead of us. Although don't go down the only children route as then the SIL might be resentful that she will never get presents again and always be buying them for a child she has little interest in. She might just not like babies and young children but might really enjoy sharing a hobby when the child is older/ a teenager, don't write her off yet.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/12/2017 05:10

Wierd behaviour. I’d be upset too.

ovenchips · 26/12/2017 05:30

I wouldn't choose to look for offence where none may be meant on my child's first Christmas. Your SIL may mean absolutely nothing through not getting a gift for an infant (it certainly wouldn't bother me if I were you).

Or she may be going to be a disappointing aunt. Who knows? Time will tell I guess but you can't deduce much from that action alone.

A baby's first Christmas (especially if your firstborn) is a lovely thing. I wouldn't go looking for ways to make the day a sour memory through choosing to have petty annoyances.

FireCracker2 · 26/12/2017 05:43

Maybe she doesn't want to start down the road of 18 years of gift giving which will never be reciprocated if she does not intend to have kids

AlaskaSometimes · 26/12/2017 05:43

Of course I would buy a gift. How mean spirited not to. Even something small and useful.

The people saying how the parents will already have too much stuff or have bought out the baby store in anticipation and not want stuff are showing their privilege. A lot of people do not have the money to afford a bunch of baby stuff and rely on hand me downs and cheap stuff. A gorgeous good quality onesie no one else has worn first can mean the world.

I think a lot of MNers are stuck in a very middle class bubble.

Blackteadrinker77 · 26/12/2017 05:49

I never gave my dear granddaughter a present yesterday. She is four weeks old.
Different to your sil though as I have bought so much the last six months. Including two cute first Christmas outfits.
I discussed it with my daughter before Christmas day so she didn't expect anything.
I'd be more annoyed at the lack of attention she is showing towards your daughter. I hope that changes before your daughter starts to pick up on it.

MissDuke · 26/12/2017 05:56

My niece is a little younger and we bought her a present. I can understand though why some people mightn't think to.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 26/12/2017 06:46

The people saying how the parents will already have too much stuff or have bought out the baby store in anticipation and not want stuff are showing their privilege. A lot of people do not have the money to afford a bunch of baby stuff and rely on hand me downs and cheap stuff. A gorgeous good quality onesie no one else has worn first can mean the world.

Hand me downs came on different days, rarely Christmas and whereas I might have saved some bits for presents when they were older I wouldn't have bothered for a 3 month old. A present from an aunt with no interest in 3 month olds may well not fall into the category of 'useful and well thoughtout'. We got random stuff which then had to be stored but was rarely practical- china plates, pretty dresses with buttons up the back, classics which none of them have shown any interest in etc. The bags of hand-me-down clothes were generally more useful and practical. We had little money but also don't have much space to store stuff for them 'to grow into'. The baby already has stuff for this size/age, summer stuff isn't yet available. A clean babygro wouldn't be clean for long in our house and most people didn't give clothes which were that practical. Yes I would have given a gift to a 3 month old but I can just as easily see the perspective that they don't need one. And who knows maybe the SIL has been told she can't /not to have children, maybe it is a defence mechanism. In my experience that would explain some lack of presents.

Pseudousername · 26/12/2017 07:17

She's comparatively going to be a bit of a crap aunty OP, and that's absolutely fine just don't let it bother you.