MIl being selfish?

[blodwen8]

DP and I live with his parents which we spent Christmas with last year, my parents live a couple of hours away so we've come to spend Christmas with them this year.

MIL spent all morning yesterday giving us the silent treatment before we left, today we've video called to say merry Christmas and she barely spoke to us or thanked us for the Christmas presents, she's made DP feel so guilty we are travelling the two hours back tonight just to keep her happy.

She has a talent for manipulating & controlling DP so I know this is what she's doing, AIBU to think she's being selfish? I hardly see my parents as it is and they're very understanding about us leaving on Christmas Day after the trouble of doing Christmas dinner.

no way would I be leaving, do you really think she is going to be pleased to see you if you go back, and you will have a nice evening? Stay where you are and dont give her a second thought

Do you have children with this man child? If not then make sure you don't have a child or buy a house with him at all. I'd leave him to be honest, issues with his mother long term will cause problems between you.

No way would I be leaving. I would also be tho king very seriously about this relationship. It does not bode well for your future.

Amateur! I lived with my mil for 15 years.

We don't have children no but I've made it very clear that when we do this won't happen

Good luck with that; I appreciate he still has a lot of growing up to do, but the indications so far aren't good and unless he sees this for what it is I'm afraid you're doomed to failure

Have you reached a firm decision around what you're doing about going back tonight?

I think it’s your DP ‘s fault, but tbh, not standing up to his stupidity in deciding to leave is idiotic. I guarantee you’ll get home and his mother will be all pursed lips, you’ve ‘ruined’ her Christmas etc etc. Dumb, OP, to pander to her bollocks.

We don't have children no but I've made it very clear that when we do this won't happen. It's not fair on my mum.

It WILL happen. It will happen again and again and again. It will be MUCH worse when you have children and she sees herself up in competition with your DM.

You are standing with one foot on the very edge of Marital Hell.

If you have any sense you will take a big step back now, while you still have your sanity.

Island (((((((hugs))))))) My heart aches for you. People like that are so vindictive - and they NEVER let go of a grudge.

We don't have children no but I've made it very clear that when we do this won't happen. It's not fair on my mum.

Sorry Op but that's rubbish, you've already shown that you're not able to stand up to her, that you'll give in to her sulks in order to keep the peace. You're naive if you think her baby boy will grow a pair once you're in your own home given how he has reacted to this. If you two have children you can bet your flipping life her demanding behaviour will get a hundred times worse except now you'll have dc and you'll justify giving in so they have a good relationship with their GM.

This issue has come up over and over and over again on here, usually posters who are 5/10 years down the line from where you're at and all of them wishing they had addressed it before moving in together, before DH was a DP and before babies came along.

Thank you Schaden. Please believe us OP. we all like to believe such things wouldn't happen to us, that out case is different, that we could handle it. But we were wrong. Believe me I had survived childhood abuse and felt ready to take on the world. I was the happiest of girls, until she met me and started to twist her son's view of me. Until then he was very sweet and attentive. I now no longer recognise myself. One positive note, I will add, is that I can detect a narc at 100 paces, and i have developed so much more self knowledge. NOTHING is worth the pain they can cause you.