MIl being selfish?

[blodwen8]

DP and I live with his parents which we spent Christmas with last year, my parents live a couple of hours away so we've come to spend Christmas with them this year.

MIL spent all morning yesterday giving us the silent treatment before we left, today we've video called to say merry Christmas and she barely spoke to us or thanked us for the Christmas presents, she's made DP feel so guilty we are travelling the two hours back tonight just to keep her happy.

She has a talent for manipulating & controlling DP so I know this is what she's doing, AIBU to think she's being selfish? I hardly see my parents as it is and they're very understanding about us leaving on Christmas Day after the trouble of doing Christmas dinner.

Keep your mouth shut? Well if you're happy that all decisions in your life will be taken by MIL then sure..

Keep your mouth shut? Ok without being horrible then you deserve the life that I can see mapped out for you if you can't stand up for yourself now. I can picture the kind of threads in the future you will be writing...

"We're living there to save money whilst in the process of buying a house, the sooner the better tbh! "

Oh yes, becuse things will magically improve/change when you move out!

You're two hours away having Christmas with your parents-hardly unusual-& MIL & your OH have still fucked it up!

But on the other hand it will be so easy, MIL will decide what house you buy and where, how to decorate it (she'll have her own room), when you're allowed to have kids, what their names will be..

Has she asked you to go back?
I absolutely would be staying put at your parents’. Do can do as he pleases.

I've decided I'm going to keep my mouth shut from now on, my mums encouraged us to go to keep the peace.

I genuinely face-palmed when I read this.
You really think either of those things is going to help?

And don’t marry him . A man who can’t do the right thing for fear of making himself unpopular is of no use to you and will only bro g you grief

Only Bring you grief

"you and DP are both so worried about MILs sulking that you have forgotten to think about your lovely parents"

This ^^ 100 times

Both of you need to grow a pair and stand up to her. Why should your parents lose out?

We're living there to save money whilst in the process of buying a house, the sooner the better tbh!

What makes you think your DP will actually leave her and buy a house with you when the time comes? She's got her little boy under her roof and under her control now, and if you're not married she probably views you as some passing girlfriend who she can easily see off - indeed, if DP is so defensive about her, she's probably already doing it

She's not going to give in easily, you know ... especially if she's pandered to all the time

He's 10 years younger than me, I'm 32, so there's still an element of child behaviour there, plus he's the youngest so she's very over protective.

I moved from my home to be with him, new job/friends etc so I'm just annoyed that my first Christmas living away I'm having to please her.

I love him very much and he's been there for me a lot lately (I lost my dad unexpectedly in October) but this MIL things drives me insane

We have actually just bought a house, seeing the broker on Thursday to apply for the mortgage fully.

Well at least you have mumsnet to complain to, when you're stuck with a mortgage and a man that doesn't care enough about your feelings to stand up for you. FFS! Woman, have you not read enough threads on here to see how miserable a woman becomes when she's stuck in a relationship with a man that prioritises keeping his toxic mother happy.

I think you’ve got a ready made new year resolution

I'm having to please her

You’re not having to, you’re choosing to.

I am going against the grain here.
Your In-laws put you up all year round, and then on Christmas day you bugger off to spend it with someone else.i can see how that comes across as piss-takey. Sorry

I would buy a house with a 22yo that showed "an element of child behaviour". I date grown ups.

If you don’t nip this in the bud now, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of being controlled. Is that really what you want?

You're suffering from a namechange fail there.

You need to encourage him to cut the apron strings. There's no need for him to jump every time she tells him to, and certainly no need for your family to be adversely affected by her tantrums.

Do you have DC yet? If not, it will get Much Worse when you do. Get it sorted now, so that when you do have children, you wont' be back here telling us how much MIL is interfering and undermining your way of dealing with your own baby.

So at 22yrs old you expect him to behave like a spoilt, bullying child, but grown up enough to get into a serious relationship?

Firecracker They spent last Xmas with his parents and it sounds like mummy dearest likes her baby boy being there, so they owe her nothing, since they're paying rent. She's just being a needy selfish fucker. We don't help our kids for them to OWE us. That attitude is what make some parents selfish pils.

my first Christmas living away I'm having to please her.

You don't have to.

We have actually just bought a house, seeing the broker on Thursday to apply for the mortgage fully

If that's the case, then when/if the mortgage is approved the time comes to move into it, I suggest you prepare yourself for a major crisis from her direction ... most probably related to health, though it could be anything

What will he do about mummy's overwhelming need then?

Firecracker2 my mums put me up and everything else for 32 years, I think it's quite acceptable to alternate Christmas holidays between families when there's a two hour distance, it'd be completely different if both our parents lived close but they don't.

My parents spent Christmas alone last year while we were there, this year we came to my parents. With the intention of spending the rest of the holidays with his parents. We try to keep it equal.

And I've been there 4 months. We've already made tracks on moving into our own home.

Wake up OP! There’s no way on earth is be traveling back 2 hours today to please some childish old bat. And, it does look like he cares more about his mother dear than you! I wouldn’t be buying a house with this child!