Mother and father going to upset sister in Christmas Day!

[strugglingthroughlife]

I love 130 miles away from my family.

My sister has invited our parents around her house for Christmas Day, for lunch and to spend it with kids and dn(niece) as it's her 7th birthday!

I've been messaging my mum this morning and she's told me that she doesn't plan on staying long as dsis house (they're leaving home at 11am and want to be back at their house by 2pm, it's a gulag hour drive each way)

But on the other hand my sister has sent me images of how much food she's making, all of her prepping and just how much effort she's putting in, when I've asked her whose she cooking for she said "mum, Dad, Nan, and brother" who will all be with my mum and Dad! Dsis has very little money so this has all been a massive effort that she's really put a lot into.

When I've asked my mum if she's told dsis that she won't be there for dinner her answer was "I told her ages ago" my mum has form for lying, I know this is a lie, they haven't told dsis they're not staying for dinner! Otherwise she'd never spend all that money on feeding extra people!

What do I do, do I let it unfold and watch them upset her again! Or do I say something? To dsis? To mother?

I just don't know, I know when they get there and say "oh, we're not staying for dinner" dsis will be so upset as she's specifically invited them around for the day and for dinner!!!

I would speak to my mum. I really feel for your sister excitedly planning to be let down

I think let them sort it out themselves, the food is bought now anyhow

I just feel awful, dsis is so happy right now, planning it all and cooking and I feel sick knowing what is coming! I hate the way my parents do this, they have no regard for her feelings or anyone's for that matter.

I would stay out of it. Your mum might well change her mind when the food is ready and she sees how excited the children are. How often do we all say 'I won't stay long' and then we end up staying for hours.

I'd say something to your parents. Terrible behaviour on their part. Why do they need to be home for 2pm? What time does your sister plan on serving food?

Dsis plans on serving food at 1pm, but they'll be adamant they're not staying, mother has already started her cooking on low at home!

I was originally thinking they'd probably stay after getting there and the beer starts, but no, seems the cooking at home is done to make that impossible

@deckoff I'm texting dbro now! I think he'll be mortified

Shameful, shameful behaviour from your parents

Oh that's awkward then if your mum has started cooking her own lunch. Not sure you will be able to prevent the situation then even if you texted your parents.

Has your sister and mother really not had any conversations about food, times, who likes to eat what etc. ?

I would text your sister and tell her to check with your parents as they had mentioned they were leaving earlier. Sounds nasty from your mother.

@cushioncovers they have! My mother is something else, I tell you. She's known for her lying behaviour, my sister is still trying to gather acceptance from them and this is what happens, things like this every time!

Who’s driving?

If it’s not your Mum, maybe the driver could say I’ve driven all this way I want to eat this delicious food

Or your dad could offer that they drive in separate cars so she can leave earlier if she wants

Basically I think someone should find a way of calling her out on her shit without it being a direct confrontation. ‘Helpful’ suggestions of separate cars etc

Oh I feel for you and your sister that's shitty behaviour from your mother. I agree with others let your brother know and I would text your sister as well so that she's prepared.

I wouldn't text your sis. You can't change anything now. Let your parents see her disappointment first hand.
Or maybe tell your parents that there must have been some misunderstanding as you know sis had prepared dinner for them. Ask them to have dinner with sis, it would mean so much to her and DN on her birthday.
They sound shit.

Good idea on separate cars.

They are shit! They're ridiculous, they're nothing but a let down every time! I could tell you all so many things.

I've text dbro, but I haven't text sis, I feel sad that I'd ruin it earlier than it's going to be ruined by them!

Dad is as bad as mum in so much as he'll say he doesn't want dsis dinner behind dsis back, he's the driver and he'll push to leave most likely but make it into a "joking" way, mother doesn't drive

Does your brother live at home with parents?

That's awful. Your poor sister. I think I would tell her now before she goes through the whole cooking rigmarole. Especially if money is tight. Maybe she might be able to salvage some of it by freezing eg half the potatoes, the ham for another meal etc. Poor girl, what a rotten thing to do and the poor birthday girl too expecting granny and Granda there all day!!!

@frecklemcspeckles that's very true, I think she'll much prefer saving it for another day!

Ok, I'm rushing to text her now so that it's not wasted

Also dbro lives in the next town over but he's home for Christmas, he's only 18

Well I've told dsis and she is not happy 😔 parents and family on way round there now. This is why I stay away at Christmas.

Your poor sister. She catch on to the situation after today... 😕

your poor sis.

for your DSIS and lots of luck for her conversation with your parents!
If you were my DSIS I'd be glad you'd told me. So for you, too xx