Mother and father going to upset sister in Christmas Day!

[strugglingthroughlife]

I love 130 miles away from my family.

My sister has invited our parents around her house for Christmas Day, for lunch and to spend it with kids and dn(niece) as it's her 7th birthday!

I've been messaging my mum this morning and she's told me that she doesn't plan on staying long as dsis house (they're leaving home at 11am and want to be back at their house by 2pm, it's a gulag hour drive each way)

But on the other hand my sister has sent me images of how much food she's making, all of her prepping and just how much effort she's putting in, when I've asked her whose she cooking for she said "mum, Dad, Nan, and brother" who will all be with my mum and Dad! Dsis has very little money so this has all been a massive effort that she's really put a lot into.

When I've asked my mum if she's told dsis that she won't be there for dinner her answer was "I told her ages ago" my mum has form for lying, I know this is a lie, they haven't told dsis they're not staying for dinner! Otherwise she'd never spend all that money on feeding extra people!

What do I do, do I let it unfold and watch them upset her again! Or do I say something? To dsis? To mother?

I just don't know, I know when they get there and say "oh, we're not staying for dinner" dsis will be so upset as she's specifically invited them around for the day and for dinner!!!

She's fully aware of what they're like, but I think she has this desire to be loved and wanted by them, but they do this behaviour every time! Every single time.

What utter shit heads!

Your poor sister. What a shitty thing her parents have done. Sounds like your mother has form for this type of behaviour, is she narcissistic?

While it won't feel like it today perhaps going no contact with them would be the best present they could give her.

I really feel for your sister. Why are people so mean and thoughtless?

What a crap thing to do .. Sadly your Dsis is going to learn the hard way.

I would remind her of this next year though to save her going to any effort again.

I hope dbro can stay, at least.

Text your parents first, surely? So they can have a heads up to salvage things or soften the blow in any way. Why be the one to disappoint your sister when you've done nothing wrong?

Is there time for dsis to contact them to confirm she's cooking for them and that they'll be staying for dinner?

Next year invite your sister over and ignore the parents.

Aw your poor sister op! Yes, invite her and brother next year and don’t bother with parents. Nasty behaviour from them.

Your poor sister and also you knowing she'll be hurt and stuck with knowing what's the right thing to do.

Totally agree next year all the siblings should get together - and not invite your parents!

Your poor sister. And I'd like to give you a nice pat on the back for even recognizing that your parents do this. Many siblings never see it or play golden child with the parents. Thankfully you're looking out for her.

Horrible. SMH.

Your mother and father are horrible. Thank you for being there for your sister. Were this my brother, he’d probably have laughed as I would likely deserve it.

Your mum sounds very self-centered and unkind. :(
I'm sorry for your sister.

Your poor sister...here's hoping it somehow works out for the best...but good for your for messaging her. At least she has you supporting her...

Thank you all, she's gone really quiet so I know she's upset, but they'll be there now so I'm just gunna be there for after they've gone.

Next year sounds like a great plan, I'd also invite my Nan though haha, she's such a lovely kind lady but tries to defend my mum sometimes.

@Bunkai I'd never considered if she was narcissist

Your poor sister. I hope she's ok.

What a bunch of dicks. Your poor sister.

I would ring her to give a bit of support and help her keep calm. Sheesh. Awful situation. I hope this is the final straw for her.

What a cow your mum is! Agree with bumping the parents next year see how they like it, though tbh if I were your sis I'd be bumping them this year too - or at least calling them on their shit!

Does anyone call them on it? Well done you for supporting her and poor bro and nan stuck in the middle! Is there a chance bro could stay and get home tomorrow either by sis/bil driving or public transport?

She won't answer the phone now, they'll tut at her and make her feel small, but yes later we will have a chat! My mother never liked my sister much growing up, but as she's the only one near her that drives she now always calls on my sister to do errands, like dangling a bone in front of a dog. In truth my mother is just using my sister

@Graphista the set up is so much so that parents are in full control and everyone seems to pretend they don't know what they're up to, except me! I usually always call them on it, it's led to me being ignored for my birthday and ds too (he's 6, in 6 years they've sent 1 birthday card)

Sis had a hard childhood, mother would really hate her and the such, I think it's left sis wanting them to want her.. it's almost like she'd do anything for acceptance, but the minute she's gone, they're slagging her off behind her back

Ugh your mother sounds a real piece. Dear God. This has made me feel so sad.