Mother and father going to upset sister in Christmas Day!

[strugglingthroughlife]

I love 130 miles away from my family.

My sister has invited our parents around her house for Christmas Day, for lunch and to spend it with kids and dn(niece) as it's her 7th birthday!

I've been messaging my mum this morning and she's told me that she doesn't plan on staying long as dsis house (they're leaving home at 11am and want to be back at their house by 2pm, it's a gulag hour drive each way)

But on the other hand my sister has sent me images of how much food she's making, all of her prepping and just how much effort she's putting in, when I've asked her whose she cooking for she said "mum, Dad, Nan, and brother" who will all be with my mum and Dad! Dsis has very little money so this has all been a massive effort that she's really put a lot into.

When I've asked my mum if she's told dsis that she won't be there for dinner her answer was "I told her ages ago" my mum has form for lying, I know this is a lie, they haven't told dsis they're not staying for dinner! Otherwise she'd never spend all that money on feeding extra people!

What do I do, do I let it unfold and watch them upset her again! Or do I say something? To dsis? To mother?

I just don't know, I know when they get there and say "oh, we're not staying for dinner" dsis will be so upset as she's specifically invited them around for the day and for dinner!!!

@pictish she's mentally unstable! She really is

How awful.

I can't imagine treating anyone like this-let alone my own daughter!

What a shame you can't get over there to share her meal!

How awful! Can you brother stay and get dropped home by someone else?

Thank you for recognising this OP instead of colluding with your parents.

Your mother is toxic.
Wish I'd had a lovely DSIS like you.
My Mum was the same and I've had 12 wonderful NC years. But, sadly, DS saw £ signs and hung in there with toxic mummy.

I think you should stick together and NC your Toxic Mum. She may then change. But whilst you both pander to her it will continue.

Glad you'll be there for DSIS when they leave x

Your “mother” is a nasty cunt.

Next year I think you should all get together but leave your parents out.

You're a good sis, OP, but after this, please sit down with your sis and talk about what went down. And your parents. And say....never again.

Your poor sister Op - I feel so sad reading this. Hope you both manage to have a lovely Christmas!

Thank you all! We will definitely be having words after this!

@Tistheseason17 I'm sorry to hear about your mother, mine is very toxic and I'm really trying to shield my ds from it, he currently sees her once a year and for that thinks she's nice, so I'm leaving it at that. But for my dsis it's another story, I wish she'd only move away so she can realise the peace of not being around mother

God your mum is a self absorbed piece of work isn't she? And your dad just enables her. Maybe invite your sis to yours next year so she's well away from such a vile individual and let your parents wallow in their vileness together

Please let your sis know how much you love her and will be the family you and DN need

Jeebus. Is she the eldest?

Your DSis needs them out of her life

Good decision, Struggling
We sent photos of our DC to her but Toxic just ignored them. TBH we are best off out so it was a relief and at least I can tell DC that I tried.It no longer makes me sad.

You are doing well with minimal contact - hats off to you x

Your DM needs to get told. Give me her number. I'll tell her.

you sound like a wonderful sister op

I really feel for your sis

I feel for you, my mum has form for this. I've managed to get her up for Xmas dinner 3 years out of 17, and once I went to her.
Other years, it's been 'no I'm staying on my own' making me feel really guilty. Or it's 'yes I will come up' until the day before when she changes her mind. My dad also does the same.
So this year, I sent my youngest with his dad to his mothers and family for lunch, tried to send my eldest to his dad's and family but he's refused and wants to go down this evening.
So me and ds are just chilling on the sofa, we'll throw something in the oven about 3pm.
I just couldn't be arsed to have the run around and guilt feeling from my parents, so that's why I cancelled Christmas dinner at my house.
We have been invited to dp's mothers and ex dp's mothers but ds said he's happy to stay here. We have had a lot of texts and phone calls to join (it's like they feel guilty we aren't having a Christmas dinner) but we are both happy here watching a film, eating chocolate, surrounded by wrapping paper and presents lol.
I may do this every year........

I'm glad you let her know, so that she was able to maybe salvage some of the food.
What horrible behaviour from your parents, really nasty, especially if they know she doesn't have much money

I hope your sister does decide to move away, maybe nearer to you - might be better for her!

You sound very lovely, struggling, your sister is very fortunate to have you for a sister. It will be a sad realisation for her when she does finally understand that her parents really care little for her, but she'll always have you.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas yourself and get to spend some time with your sister soon.

Thank you to you all, I care deeply for my sister and hate watching this pantomime act from the parents all the time, I've told her and she agrees with me but she's still so terribly trying. She is also the eldest, we're 14 months apart.

She text to say that they came for gifts about 11:30 and left at 1:45 she's really upset but has a friend there

Oh your poor sister. It will help her so much that you are on her side xx

Why didn't you spend Christmas Day with your sister struggling? It sounds like you could have had a lovely day together.

Came for gifts? So... arrived to grab their loot and then beggared off again? Did they at leat acknowledge your DSis’s effort/reciprocate in gifts?

This thread has made me very sad.