To ask for advice on how to spend less time with my husband?

[Sanshin]

He's a moody miserable bastard and this is amplified by the fact that we spend too much time together. Every evening I'm sat waiting for him to finish fannying around on the computer so we can watch TV (if I put something on without him he turns it over when he comes in so there's no point). Every Friday I'm sat around the house waiting for him to come home from work at lunch time - after which we doss around the house bored and getting under each other's feet. Every weekend is spent sat around the house again, under each others feet.

I'm unsociable so only have one or two friends that are busy with their own families. I feel like I'm having to rely on him for social interaction and for doing stuff. I want that to end. I want my own life seperate from him.

So how do I start? I have an unlimited gym membership do can spend an hour or so there every day but what else can I do?? I need to be out of this house and I need time away from DH. As much as possible the way I'm feeling right now.

Just to add DH never wants to do anything. Never wants to go out for lunch or go out for a walk ... he never wants to do anything other than work and sit at his computer. I'm bored and fed up.

Em get a divorce...?

Well he can pack in turning the telly over when he comes in for a start.

Pillock.

Well yeah it probably will come to that eventually lobster but I'm thinking short term for now

You could do more of whatever it is you enjoy doing together. Alternatively you could divorce him, it doesn’t sound like your marriage is doing either of you any favours.

Either get a divorce or build up your own life with your own interests. Hobbies groups and so on. You're obviously not happy with your life as it is.

That sounds so miserable! Do you actually like your partner in other respects? Why would you waste your only life being with someone who just "gets under your feet"?

I like to do things separate from my partner so take 4 month old DD to the park, go shopping, into town and out for meals with friends, baby massage class etc. He meets friends in the city after work every few weeks. I spend time with my family who live close by one full day a week.

Space is important but the main thing is that when we're together we're happy and have interesting things to tell one another.

He turns the telly over? WTAF? That can stop right away. Tell him to get lost, you’re watching something.

Get a dog. I spend hours out of the house walking my dog, it’s a brilliant reason to get away from DH and you get exercise and fresh air.

Start or join a book club? Harmless way to socialise with other women which can provide real cameraderie, give you something genuinely interesting to do and can be a lot of fun

Sorry didn’t mean to be glib
. Have a look on the meet up app and find some stuff you fancy. What age are you? There are uni classes aimed at older adults or you could do a college night clsss in baking, sewing or photography? Loads of options!

No point moaning about it, find a hobby and get on with it

I have a hobby but it's only one evening a week

are there any other local mums you could meet up with , go for a coffee , walk in the park , or on the cold dark nights play a board game with them.
or in your own home get your own tv so you can watch what you want , jigsaws are a good way of spending time together without the need to talk, but the chance to open up if he wants to but don't pressurizer's him the 1st time you sit down together, let it happen naturally

He sounds boring as fuck and why does he turn the TV over when you're watching it? Do you even like each other?

Why do you allow him to turn tv over when you are watching something?

Do you work?

Why does he change the channel??
Do you have Netflix or amazon prime? Just watch something on your tablet or phone in your bedroom.
Read books
Go to meetup.com and find a group in your area that you’d like to join. There are usually social groups, walking/hiking groups, book clubs etc.
Find exhibitions and go to them.

I work Monday - Thursday and have a dog

Why are you waiting so much for him???
Pop your head round the doorway "am putting a film on, come watch if you want". Then dont give him the remote!

Fridays....why wait in for him? For what purpose? Go out.

He changes the channel while you're watching TV...

LTB

I don't know, I've fallen into the habit of thinking we should be doing things together so I wait and wait and wait ... and we end up doing fuck all. Just endless cups of tea and pottering around the house. I'm 36 ffs and I'm bored. As I say he never wants to do anything. Every suggestion I make he thinks of an excuse. Even taking the dog for a trip needs to be planned and agreed on a week in advance and even then he thinks up an excuse closer to the time.

You need to stop being in waiting for him. Actively leave the house just before he gets home and go on a long dog walk. Preferably with yiur phone on.

He sounds like a controlling arrogant man. Waiting in for him will only feed that.

Totally agree NapQueen - he's totally got used to me always being available for when he can be arsed. He doesn't even want sex with me. I have to instigate everytime and now he's got used to me always being available for sex whenever the rare mood comes over him.

I've become such a fucking doormat and 2018 is when it changes.

I'd second Meetup - its improved my times away from DH, which has improved times with him.

He also ruins every single Christmas by being an argumentative moody twat. Every single year he becomes "ill" a week before Christmas where he lounges on the couch not communicating with anyone. Then as the days draw closer he becomes argumentative, sarcastic and even more moody than usual. Christmas Day descends into an argument and a horrible atmosphere. It's like a fucking script every single year and he's making me detest Christmas more and more as the years go on. I feel under even more pressure to tip toe around him at this time of year to spare the atmosphere for the kids.