FURIOUS! My Mum just let my 3yr Old see her presents & Stocking!

[MotherofaSurvivor]

Staying at my Mums for Christmas. Brought presents the other day as all wrapped. Just finished putting everything in her Stocking in the spare room which was AGREED with my Mum that it was to be 'Present HQ' - For context, the house is a Bungalow, so I witnessed this from the kitchen and hit the roof.

So my 3yr Old follows my Mum around like a shadow as she adores her. Fine by me, gives me a bit of a break before I step in and take over.

So my Mum wanders into Present HQ (with my DD next to her) which has a Sofabed with all the presents on including the big polythene Stocking - FULL of presents!!!! My Mum turns away and starts gagging with something and I can see this in corner of my eye from Kitchen and just as I start to dive towards the room, my daughter exclaims "PRESENTS!!!!!! Stocking!!!!" and is sat looking through the stuff in the Stocking and admiring all her presents (wrapped, but still....) My Mum is stood next to her by time I shoot in and saying "Oooh! Isn't that nice!"

I. HIT. THE. ROOF.

I know that 'she's my daughter and I should've been watching her' but I was prepping veg for tomorrow and my Mum agreed to watch her whilst I did this. The door to the room has a swollen frame and so when shut, really takes quite a push to be opened. We had already spoken about how that would be perfect to hide the presents for this very reason!

AIBU to be not just upset with my Mum but bloody LIVID and feel like Christmas is ruined now? My Mum doesn't seem to see the big deal! I've spent months & Months buying bits towards Christmas as & when I could as I'm Disabled and so money is tight. SO upset

Please be kind (& festive?!) in your responses!

I too get why you're upset OP.

Like a PP said, all that effort.. And DM takes her eye off the ball big time. But the problem for me would be why she didn't seem to be in a hurry to correct the situation..? To quickly whisk your DD out of the room?

I sometimes get a bit anxious and stressy in situations like this and it normally takes a few words from my DH or Dsis to talk me down and put things into perspective for me. Whereas, It sounds like you got straight onto your phone and vented to MN while you were still raging. I'm sure you will have calmed down now and are now able to think logically and practically.

I'm sure you will be able to blag your way around this for your DD so Xmas isn't ruined and she will carry on a good few many more years believing.

Wouldn't hurt to have a quiet word with your DM when you have calmed down to get her side of it.

You shouted at your mum for this?

Bloody hell.

Your daughter will probably have forgotten in the morning.

We've been saying Santa picks up the presents we've bought for other people and delivers them. Christmas is about her learning to give too

Grandma has hardly let the little girl on the deck of a swimming pool about to drown herself.

What exactly is the big deal in catching glimpse of wrapped presents?

All of our presents are on show in the living room. The DCs are not traumatised.

@FlashTheSloth

You are so right.

I think some posters go out of their way to be nasty.

My three year old found the presents hidden in the wardrobe weeks ago... "oooooh Duplo!" I told him mummy was helping Father Christmas by storing some of the children's presents as he had run out of space at the North Pole. He seemed to accept it but seemed mildly disappointed it wasn't for him. Hopefully he'll be more surprised on the big day when it turns out they were for him :)

LTB

Definitely @Nanny0gg, it's more and more. MN would be better if they got rid of AIBU.

"Wouldn't hurt to have a quiet word with your DM when you have calmed down to get her side of it"

Or just apologise for the overreaction?

She is 3. You just need to create a story

Could've been worse. When my DD was 3 my nan took her down to open all her presents at 4.00am. She thought she was being helpful by not waking me and letting me sleep in.

How is it relevant that you are disabled ?

I’m sorry but your uve absolutely misunderstood the concept of what Christmas is meant to be about. It’s meant to be about showing love, peace, kindness and joy. Not shouting at your mother for something trivial that really doesn’t matter in the wider scheme of things. A three year old seeing some presents will not ruin Christmas and you’ve over invested in presents at the cost of relationships. You owe your mother an apology.
Being disabled is irrelevant and no excuse for histrionics.

I totally understand why you are upset OP. What your mum did was thoughtless and completely avoidable, given how much time, thought and money you have put into that stocking - which is supposed to be from Santa after all, not from you, so you are understandably worried it will ruin the father christmas magic for your dd.

I think that her young age you will be able to explain it in a way she will accept and believe, so at least there is that. I'm sorry this has spoiled your christmas eve and I understand why it has - creating that magic for your dd means a lot to you. Obviously some people don't feel the same way but I would have felt just as upset and miffed as you did.

what crumbs above said.

*diddl
*
Yes. listen to her side of it and then apologise for the over reaction.

But then unless there was no other explanation or reason for what happened, I think the OP's DM needs to offer an apology too.

Your poor mum. You really need to apologise to her. What a massive overreaction. Your dd is 3. You only had to tell her the presents were for someone else and she'd have thought no more about it!

It will only spoil Christmas if Op lets it.

Your DD is still going to be thrilled in the morning so don't stress.

If your shoes I would make things right with your mum so tonight will still be nice for the both of you.

There is an incredible amount of pressure put on people at this time of year and it's easy to pop.

OP, take a step back and breath! Yes, yanbu to be cross dd got into them and was examine them. Your mum could have been more aware of where dd was when she entered present hq herself but what's done is done.

It's how you deal with it and while I'm sure a few hours have now passed, there is still time if emotions are running high.

Dd is 3. Quite honestly by the time morning comes and she has dived into the stocking, unwrapping everything with glee she won't be bothered that she saw it the night before.

However; if she does mention it, just tell her Santa dropped them off with mummy before they went to Nanny's so he didn't forget she was staying there, or any variation along that theme.

I would apologise to your mum for blowing your stack, but in a way where you can express your disappointment that dd got into her presents early. Even if it's "I'm sorry for losing my temper, we both should have realised dd was following you but I wanted this to be special because blah blah". It gives you a chance to not have this simmering over the day's festivities and therefore have dd picking up on negative feelings.

I’m sorry but your uve absolutely misunderstood the concept of what Christmas is meant to be about. It’s meant to be about showing love, peace, kindness and joy. Not shouting at your mother for something trivial that really doesn’t matter in the wider scheme of things. A three year old seeing some presents will not ruin Christmas and you’ve over invested in presents at the cost of relationships. You owe your mother an apology.
Being disabled is irrelevant and no excuse for histrionics

Crumbs has it spot on here.
Christmas isn't ruined because a 3 year old saw some presents.
It might be ruined because mum just yelled at grandma and now the entire house is tense.

I also think disability is entirely relevant considering a lot of people who have lost PIP or had their money massively reduced.

These things seem a little more important when you spend a year scrimping and saving to make them happen.

But I do think your mum deserves an apology - Even if it's just for shouting at her.

I’m sorry but your uve absolutely misunderstood the concept of what Christmas is meant to be about. It’s meant to be about showing love, peace, kindness and joy. Not shouting at your mother for something trivial that really doesn’t matter in the wider scheme of things. A three year old seeing some presents will not ruin Christmas and you’ve over invested in presents at the cost of relationships. You owe your mother an apology.
Being disabled is irrelevant and no excuse for histrionics

Oh bore off, people put a lot of time and effort into trying to create a magical atmosphere, spending a lot of money in the process, and her Mum went and ballsed it up at the last second. It’s a stressful time of year, and yes i’d be mad too. OP put all the effort in, and all her Mum had to do was keep the bloody door shut.

She’s only human ffs, of course she’s annoyed, spare us the sanctimonious nonsense. Histrionics my arse.

Well, I had no idea I was supposed to be hiding DD's wrapped presents from her. She's also 3, and in order to get her to settle down to sleep tonight I had to assure her that Father Christmas would definitely not be coming into the house, and that she certainly wouldn't see him. I'm not sure when Santa became the be-all and end-all of having a magical Christmas, but I never believed in him as a child (even when my older siblings did), and nobody loves Christmas as much as I always have done.

Take some deep breaths, OP, and try to calm down. Nothing bad has happened. This is your stress coming out. You know that. You said yourself that you can be your own worst enemy. Don't do this to yourself, or your mum. She didn't do it purposely to annoy you; it was a lapse of concentration, she probably just forgot momentarily that the presents were there.

Chill down. It'll all be ok. Tomorrow you're going to have a lovely Christmas Day with your mum and your little girl. Nothing has been ruined; it's all fine. Pour a couple of glasses of wine and go and sit with your mum and make peace about this.

Have a wonderful Christmas.