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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to warn partner of a vile piece of **** about him but

51 replies

GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 21:44

I have been in trouble with the police for warning people about him.

It’s Christmas & it a real trigger for me, I looked him up & he has a new victim & her child has a disability, my blood has run cold just thinking about this.

He is a horrible slimy c* & he will go straight to the police if I warn her & they will take his side despite his long history of domestic violence & abuse, any suggestions?

OP posts:
Homemenu1 · 23/12/2017 21:46

Any way you can press charges for the abuse against you?

PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2017 21:47

When you say you’ve been in trouble for warning people about him before, what did you do?

I’d try and disengage totally from him so you don’t give out about his dating in the future. You have to protect yourself here.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 21:49

I tried that but not much joy

OP posts:
JeremyCorbynsBeard · 23/12/2017 21:50

BTW you are allowed to swear on here.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 21:51

Easier said then down especially the stuff he done this time of year.

I sent a copy of Claire’s law to a ex partner of his & went to the house to confront him.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 23/12/2017 21:54

Hi OP
Your heart is of gold and your intentions are great
But unfair as this is,you will end up in trouble continuing this way.
If you have the time,could you volunteer with women's aid and put your experience and compassion to good use where you will be able to help.
Good luck🌼🌼

Lovemusic33 · 23/12/2017 21:54

Step away, you can’t warn every person he goes near, you need to try and break away from worrying about what your ex is up too. I know it’s hard and I often wonder who my ex is now abusing but at the end of the day all that matter is I am no longer involved with him. I went to the police and tried to press charges against him last Christmas/new year, chargers were dropped due to lack of evidence. Luckily I don’t know where he is now or who he is with, not my problem.

Worry about yourself not others.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 21:58

Not my ex I was a child and suffered his abuse for 10 years to me & made to watch everything he done to mother.

Easy to say step away but this time of year it comes back to me a lot, I don’t know how he is allowed to do this for his life

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:01

Love music do you not feel you owe it to other families to stop them going through hell?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2017 22:02

Love music do you not feel you owe it to other families to stop them going through hell?

Don’t put that on her. He’s the bad guy. Not love.

c3pu · 23/12/2017 22:04

Love music do you not feel you owe it to other families to stop them going through hell?

You can't save them all though...

Far better to use your energy helping those who are ready and able to escape from abuse.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:06

I put it on myself.

These animals need to be tagged

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:07

There’s no support out there I’ve tried to get it but no joy.

You go to the police what Claire’s law says you do & they don’t do anything.

Wtf is wrong with this world

OP posts:
DesertSky · 23/12/2017 22:13

I’m not sure whether to condone this or not... but is there a way you could warn her anonymously so not for it to be traced back to you? If a child is involved and there poses a real threat/danger I know I as the mother in this situation that I would want to be told if my new partner was an abuser....

Has he ever been convicted of his wrongdoings OP?

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:18

Convictions as long as his arms & as many know these pieces of s* get in the heads of women so he be arrested at the home next to a half dead woman & he get her to say she fell.

It’s a joke I hate it, I hate more that he can manipulate the law

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:21

If I read or heard that anything happened & the worst I get is a suspended sentence then I Be gutted.

I just can’t live with it all some days

OP posts:
froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:29

Could you send her a copy of Claire’s law? Preferably anonymously. But even if you were to get ‘caught’, you’re simply informing someone about the factual legal situation/their rights. Unless you’re somehow not allowed to contact them? I don’t see how that would be illegal.

(Maybe someone more familiar with the laws in the U.K. might chime in?)

If she’s unwilling to take the hint... she’s probably also unwilling to take your advice.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:32

I got in trouble for giving the last ex a copy of Claire’s law but thankfully she got as far away as she can.

The police would not tell her anything either

OP posts:
Uptheduffy · 23/12/2017 22:33

What is it the police can complain about if you speak to or write to his gf? Maybe there is a way to avoid that. Has he been convicted of anything at all, even a newspaper cut out detailing that would be enough to let her know something is wrong about him.

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:35

sent a copy of Claire’s law to a ex partner of his & went to the house to confront him.

Did you get in trouble for the confronting part or the copy you sent? And did you just send a copy or mention names etc? And what do you mean with ‘in trouble’? Were contact restrictions established?

cakeymccakington · 23/12/2017 22:35

I'm assuming he's saying it's harassment?

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:36

I’m honestly not just being nosy. I hope it doesn’t seem that way.

Fanciedachange17 · 23/12/2017 22:36

Post his real first name on here. (Not the surname) Loads of lovely women on here. Someone may have worries or doubts about the new partner of a friend or family member and be prompted to look up Claire's Law if the name matches.

OnTheRise · 23/12/2017 22:37

Ghost, it's awful, it really is. But the only thing you can do is look after yourself now. Have you had any counselling or therapy? It might be worth asking your GP because it sounds like you've really had a lot to deal with.

As for how your abuser lives their life: it's hard, but that's up to them. You can't protect everyone from their attentions, no matter how much you might want to. And you risk getting into trouble yourself, which won't help anyone.

Speak to your GP. Have counselling. Save yourself before trying to save anyone else.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been thought it and have made so many mistakes. Don't be me. Do better.

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:37

Yes he been convicted of serious assaults & served prison time.

Going on my past experience the Police said that it was harassment

OP posts: