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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to warn partner of a vile piece of **** about him but

51 replies

GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 21:44

I have been in trouble with the police for warning people about him.

It’s Christmas & it a real trigger for me, I looked him up & he has a new victim & her child has a disability, my blood has run cold just thinking about this.

He is a horrible slimy c* & he will go straight to the police if I warn her & they will take his side despite his long history of domestic violence & abuse, any suggestions?

OP posts:
Splinterz · 23/12/2017 22:38

But even if you were to get ‘caught’, you’re simply informing someone about the factual legal situation/their rights. Unless you’re somehow not allowed to contact them? I don’t see how that would be illegal.

It would be harassment, the OP has already stated this: I sent a copy of Claire’s law to a ex partner of his & went to the house to confront him

Correct me if I'm wrong, I thought the police were notified (under Claires law) and they contacted the new partner? She is an adult, she can make her own decisions, You may deem them poor decisions but she has capacity to make those choices, sadly.

You need to step away from this situation because it's not going to do you any good with a conviction is it?

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:39

They clearly don’t know that the person they are with is an animal.

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:41

I got in trouble for both they said it was harassment.

I sent a copy with a letter explaining why I had sent the letter to her & yo save herself

OP posts:
froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:41

Slpinterz

It sounded to me like she might have been in trouble because she we t to confront him and not just because she sent Claire’s law.

Idk, maybe sending a copy of a law to a stranger could already be classified as harassment in the U.K. (which someone that actually practices law in the U.K. should answer), that’s all.

But yes, if you can’t even do that... well, I really do think that you don’t owe them anything, OP. The onus to protect people isn’t on you.

PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2017 22:42

They clearly don’t know that the person they are with is an animal.

Unfortunately, not everyone believes the person they love is capable of behaving so horribly.

Ghost you need to focus on you and how to live with what happened. Have you had any counselling?

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:42

sent a copy with a letter explaining why I had sent the letter to her & yo save herself

Which isn’t the same as just sending a copy. Could you ask a solicitor whether you’re allowed to do that? And accept the answer (whether it’s yes or no) maybe with the help of a therapist?

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 22:44

Anyhow, OP. I really do believe that your intentions are very very good. But the onus isn’t on you. Are you seeing a therapists and or have other real life support?

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:46

No support available at the moment

OP posts:
ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 23/12/2017 22:52

If he's a danger to her child, could you make an anonymous report to Social Services?

WhippinPiccadilly1 · 23/12/2017 22:54

Hi,
I have no experience here , but couldn't read and run.
My only suggestion would be to make an anonymous call to children's social care, to report this man is living with a woman and child. Do you have enough detail? Her name, address, dob?
Social services will contact the woman to do an assessment once they look at his history. This may be enough to alert her, or at least for her to think twice.

WhippinPiccadilly1 · 23/12/2017 22:54

Crossed with above poster!

Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:55

He is a danger to anything living.

Starved a dog to death a few years back I heard as he didn’t want it any more

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:56

@whippin you not a Facebook for the woman

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostofChristmasPast2017 · 23/12/2017 22:57

@whippin sorry auto correct, no only got a Facebook account for her

OP posts:
Ashamedandblamed · 23/12/2017 23:02

I would call social services anonymously and they should go round to talk to her if he has previous convictions.

They won't even care why your informing them and you don't even have to provide your name. He sounds disgusting the dog thing is vile. Horrible man

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/12/2017 23:04

Ghost he was your DM partner I'm taking from an earlier post?
Is your Mother still alive , is she able or willing to give any input?

RainbowWish · 23/12/2017 23:07

I totally agree with Ashamedandblamed
If you were to phone social services and say you were worried about the child as they have a disability and of his violence they have to look into it.
His past will be disclosed to the lady then.
I hope they are okay.
And I hope you are okay also. Flowers

Fanciedachange17 · 23/12/2017 23:07

Name him. First name only.

SouthWestmom · 23/12/2017 23:32

Don't name him fgs. Even first name.

If you are in trouble already for harassing him, naming him with identifiable details on a well used forum is daft.

Move on op and work on yourself. Get some counselling. Maybe you are 'stuck' at some level as a child and you need to rescue yourself.

Verilyfrankinscensed · 24/12/2017 10:08

As you are concerned about a possible risk to a child I'm also saying social services. You can do it anonymously, if you give your name it will be better. Having done this you you have passed it to the people with responsibility for these situations and you can put it behind you.

franktheskank · 24/12/2017 10:53

Op the social services idea is a good one please try that.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 24/12/2017 11:00

Social services a child is involved let them show her his rap sheet. It’s up to them to make the decision then.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 24/12/2017 11:01

I’d not read the earlier messages so great minds think alike.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 24/12/2017 11:01

I work in an indirect way way with social workers so they may be interested with this piece of information.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 24/12/2017 11:02

Or the nspcc can pass in concerns as they provide a statutory service,

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