So much better looking than partner

[JonSnowsButtocks]

Ok so this is not about me lol.

I was reading another post and read something along the lines of "that person is so much better looking, I wonder what they see in the other person" sort of thing. I see it quite a lot and the "oh they are punching above their weight".

Didn't want to derail the thread but honestly it's pretty standard stuff, is t it? I don't tend to fall in love/lust with people for just their looks and it tends to be a culmination of things that brings me to the point of a relationship. I know aesthetic is important for most but it's really not top priority, is it?

Waiting to be told I'm a complete weirdo lol.

you're not a weirdo, I agree.

You're not being a weirdo. What if they had an accident and lost their looks, would you fall out of love with them? We can be attracted to looks, but for a relationship its personality that counts.

Yeah I hate the way its said, like the better looking one has inherently more value

I fall for someone based on their looks/chemistry.

Call me superficial.

I think it's lots of stuff too. Listening to a play on the radio and one of the men had a gorgeous voice. No idea what he looks like but I could fancy the character without even having seen him from the lovely voice, clever remarks, etc.

I can physically lust after a fit bloke but it all goes away if they turn out to be not the brightest or not very funny.

I’ve lost count of the comments wondering why DP is with me. Because I’m small and dumpy (worse since having 2 babies in 11 months) and not good at “making an effort”.
Fuck em I say, if after 6 years he’s only about looks then something is very wrong!

I fell in love with my husband because he's amazing, but that doesn't change the fact he is much better looking than me, so I imagine people have dropped the 'she's doing well for herself' comments before. Doesn't mean they think I'm just with him for his handsome face

I completely agree but I have heard other woman say 'what's he doing with her?' about me! It used to upset me but 20 years later I laugh!!
I've also had woman blatantly chat my DH up! The most amusing thing is he looks like a rabbit in the headlights! I usually save him!

Yeah but then what Sevendown? What if you have nothing in common? I mean nothing, Like differing political views/or they are racist or bigoted no matter how attractive they are I'd be out at that.

You mention chemistry that's more than looks and chemical reaction, so not entirely superficial I'd say.

I find men who are heavily invested in their appearance very offputting. So men that have carefully sculpted facial hair, or highlights, or are very sharp dressers.
Classically naturally good looking men get a lot a female attention so I think subconciously that puts me off.
I find attributes more attractive than facial structure.
A man that can play the piano, or has a good communication with animals is appealing in my eyes.

Men that can cook, that have patience or a deep intuition are attractive to me.

My ex once pointed out to a woman that (loudly and publicly) wondered what he was doing with me that once she'd lost her looks as she got older, she'd have nothing. I however would still be funny and clever...

All the people I've had long term relationships with (or long term crushes on!) didn't strike me as particularly physically attractive the first time I met them. Not that I thought they were unattractive, I just didn't consider it. Only after knowing them for a while did the attraction develop. If I were to show photos of them to strangers in the street I suppose most of them would be considered 'average/nice' looking, two would be classically handsome, and three would probably be thought of as plain/unremarkable. I'm not saying I'm morally superior for not taking looks into account when I feel attracted to someone. I have ASC and I'm usually too preoccupied with social awkwardness and not making a fool of myself to give any headspace to lustful thoughts! Those come later once I'm comfortable and my energy is no longer taken up by social anxiety.

As far as my looks are concerned, when I was younger I was pretty enough. Now I'm prematurely grey at 35 and can't be bothered to dye it, I put on weight when I started sertraline, and I gave up on makeup a couple of years ago so have become invisible. So long as the person I fancy fancies me back then all is good. Fortunately dp thinks I'm beautiful as I am.

Relationships are about personality but surely sex (a big part of most relationships) is about looks? I couldn't shag someone I didn't fancy.

I need to be physically attracted as well as being attracted to their personality, I need to have things in common and similar views too.

This is probably why I’m single

My other half is quite overweight and definitely not classically good looking. However, he's kind, funny, loving and adores me and that attracts me to him physically and mentally.

I must be very odd then! When I find someone attractive because of their personality I suddenly fancy the pants off them no matter what they look like! It happens the opposite way round for me.

People often tell me dh is stunning but it really wasn't his looks I fell for. Actually the classic good looks aren't my thing. It was his humour, his kindness and his reliability.

I hate the implication that I am punching above my weight.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Personally I get the fanny gallops for men that make me laugh and I feel safe with.

I don’t go for looks at all. If a man can make me laugh then that’s me sold. Most good looking men I know , especially the ones who spend a lot of time on their appearance (I come from Essex, there are a lot of them round here) are pretty dull once you get to know them. No, give me a funny down to earth type any day, regardless of their looks.

I think people look different once you get to know them. I could fancy someone based on looks, get to know them, and all of a sudden they don't look as attractive as they first did. Same the other way round too. Don't think much of them to look at first but once you get to know them, their features look different

I agree. My friends keep telling me men I date are punching. This is not a stealth boast I find it judged and quite mean. Men I had had serious relationships with have been a spectrum of different looks evidencing it's not a huge priority for me.

I agree. For me, wicked sense of humour is very attractive.

I wonder if, in general, men think the same way about women?

My dh is ridiculously good looking. I can feel people thinking "what is he doing with her", it is a bit unnerving. Never heard anyone say it though, that's awful! Have been mistaken for his mum many times though. bit of heavy petting puts a stop to that

I'm with you Matt physical attraction tends to come after Iv clicked with someone. It always leave me wondering if I'm imagining they are more attractive than they are because I see lots of other things in them lol. Not that it matters.

Yeah sorry I didn't mean for the thread to come across as oh I'm better than you for not just considering looks.

Yeah but you don't just fancy someone for their looks Georgie, imagine if they were dull as dish water, no matter how sexy their bod was I'd not want to "shag" someone that could barely string a sentence together.