So much better looking than partner

[JonSnowsButtocks]

Ok so this is not about me lol.

I was reading another post and read something along the lines of "that person is so much better looking, I wonder what they see in the other person" sort of thing. I see it quite a lot and the "oh they are punching above their weight".

Didn't want to derail the thread but honestly it's pretty standard stuff, is t it? I don't tend to fall in love/lust with people for just their looks and it tends to be a culmination of things that brings me to the point of a relationship. I know aesthetic is important for most but it's really not top priority, is it?

Waiting to be told I'm a complete weirdo lol.

When I find someone attractive because of their personality I suddenly fancy the pants off them no matter what they look like!

Definitely true for me. I'm better looking than my DP, although we're both average (at best). I know he's not good looking, because I remember what I thought about him before I fell in love with him. But now he's the most gorgeous, sexiest man in the world to me.

My last ex, before I met DP, was way better looking than I am - former model and professional athlete (and still with a pretty perfect body). He was frankly perfect looking, generously endowed, charming, wealthy, great in bed. He can only have liked me for my personality! I'm still so much better off with my DP :)

No one sexier than Keir Starmer imo - beyond fanny gallops

In my acquaintance there are lots of women with men who IMO are less good looking than them. I only know two or three men I personally think are better looking than their partners and one more who isn’t better looking than his DW but is much thinner.

Yeah. I proba ly give a steer to the sort of person who judges others in that way. Or indeed form a serious relationship with someone if they only seemed interested in my looks. No way would I, an accident, time, bad lighting or inevitably a more attractive person and they'd be gone.

@JonSnowsButtocks of course, I meant it's a two tiered approach yes I wouldn't fancy a sex god looking guy if he couldn't string a sentence together but there are loads of people who I think have excellent personalities but I just don't fancy. So it has to come from both directions for me. Saying that I think my husband is absolutely gorgeous but there are probably loads of people who don't.

I used to go for looks and chemistry when was younger but I ended up in relationships with men who were very good looking, clever, funny, but not right for me at all. Once the lust wore off we were very different kinds of people. That’s the drawback to going on surfaces.

If you don’t go for a deep connection, loads of common interests, and personal compatibility - I don’t see how it can work long term.

Gilead

My ex once pointed out to a woman that (loudly and publicly) wondered what he was doing with me that once she'd lost her looks as she got older, she'd have nothing. I however would still be funny and clever...

Your proud your husband thinks your not good looking ?

Your a stronger woman than me

At first there has to be some physical attraction if you don't know each other and what I think is attractive someone else might not my husband is bald he has a shaved head I find it attractive others might not , but we have been together 13 years now obviously a relationship goes far beyond a physical attraction.

I agree too.

I saw a couple the other day who were very different heights - one was a bit taller than average but their partner was only up to their ribs. I'd find that weird because it'd be like hugging a child - the taller one couldn't put their arm round the smaller one when they were walking so they were holding hands; it was like an adult and child. I'd find that weird and it'd put me off the relationship; I work with children though so that's probably why.

Kier Starmer? No. Just no. Looks like an ex boyfriend of mine and I never fancied him either although plenty of others did.

The men I find most attractive are big and tall with twinkly eyes, good humour and sharp minds.

I think some studies have found people to be attracted to people of similar attractiveness. Or at least how their rate their own attractiveness.
Also it's to do with how compatible your genes are, e.g. different genes attract. Attraction is a very primitive 'drive' not just based on appearance but also smell, voice, earning potential, resources, personality traits you favour.

Some characteristics are universally attractive, like height, health, facial symmetry, youth, intelligence.

I think DH and I are of a similar level. We're both decent enough looking but don't attract stares in the street

To people with DPs who you wouldn't pick out of a line up but have an amazing connection/bond with - do you feel an urge to have sex with them often? (genuine question)

I'm really shallow because for exes who I didn't think 'wow you're gorgeous' on first meeting, after the first three months of excitement, I go into a 'oh it's been a week or so, I guess we have to do it' mode. Which, even if it's a lovely relationship, is a killer for a long term partnership, and it isn't fair to put up a pretence.

Don't like the fact that I'm so looks driven, but have accepted that because of that, I probably won't find a lifelong partner. And I have a tendancy to shoot out of my league by a point or two, or three! (so for obvious reasons, they never stick).

What do you mean by ‘wouldnt pick out of a line up?’

For me, it’s more about chemistry and how someone makes me feel. I can feel nothing while chatting to an Adonis but get hugely turned on by just chatting to my boyfriend across the table. He has charisma, blue twinkly eyes and is very manly. I struggle to form intelligent thoughts when I’m with him even now, much to his amusement.

Personality and kindness and a sense of humour are important of course, but I still have to be physically attracted to a man to 'fancy' him, or have him as a partner/lover.

He doesn't have to have the body of a God, but he must be physically attractive to me, and have good hygiene habits..

No good if he looks like Marty Feldman and stinks like the inside of a wheelie bin. A good sense of humour and being kind to kittens and puppies is all very well, but I am not going to fancy him if he stinks bad, and is physically unattractive to me.

@grinchreaper
I've never gone for 'good looking' men. I don't find them attractive.

Weirdest post on the thread.

Some women find Benedict Cumberbatch 'hot' and fanciable. I think he is the weirdest looking man I have seen for years.

And Keir Starmer....? Don't see it sorry. He does nothing or me, at all....

I find men who are heavily invested in their appearance very offputting.

Totally agree with this.

May be unfair, but I have always found myself wary of men who were too conventionally good looking, as I worried they would be shallow and vain.

I have face blindness too, so facial appearance seriously doesn't mean a lot to me!

However, the way someone feels/smells all important to me.

It's funny, because when we met as teenagers I was definitely much more good looking than dh. Three decades on, I'm 'alright for my age', whereas he has become much more conventionally good looking (heavily muscled, craggy style).

None of us have given a damn about it either way, and we've both fancied the pants off each other all the way through. (he's always smelt yummy, though and been awesome in bed )

Olive why was my comment weird? I'm not attracted to conventionally good looking men. I wouldn't look twice at Brad Pitt for example, I don't see the attraction. I'm selective but not over looks.

My ex is better looking than me. I am by no means ugly, but he is gorgeous. Unfortunately there isn't much going on beneath that beautiful exterior.

I used to work with a married couple. He was extremely good looking, moderately intelligent and had a reasonably well paying job. The wife, on the other hand, was very average looking, plump and well, just looked ordinary. On paper, she was "punching well above her weight".

Yet, when people got to know them, everyone wondered how on earth she had come to marry him. She was extraordinarily charming, delightfully quick witted and intelligent, and was a truly lovely natured, kind and generous person. SHE was way out of his league, and everyone thought how lucky he was to have been able to marry this delightful woman..

My dh is far more attractive than me and I definitely sense people who know him (his colleagues/old uni friends he rarely sees) then meet me (we were probably fairly similar when we got together but I have gone to pot since then!) looking a bit surprised.
It doesn't upset me, but I do wish sometimes that I could put them straight when I can tell theyre thinking that I'm well lucky to be with him and sometimes seem aghast that I'm not treating him like a lovegod; We are a bit on the skids because he is controlling and miserable and I really want to disburse people of the notion that he is a catch.

*disabuse

On paper DH is punching above his weight with me. I've done modelling, postgraduate qualifications and higher paying job. But. He makes me a better, kinder person and as he gets older he gets better and better looking. It's fair to say I peaked in my 20s.

An ex was also a model but scratch the surface and there was nothing there. I felt in awe of his looks but his now wife is below average and I'm sorry she's stuck with him with his current bloated, 9 o'clock shadow looks.

I think in most cases there's not much point in analysing what attracts us. I know handsome men who leave me cold. I also know handsome, intelligent, positive, funny, kind, honest, practical, talented, forgiving, tolerant, generous men who leave me cold!

For example, I have two dear friends who I consider exceptional people, who I admire as much as I love them and who are both very good-looking. The two of them are also best friends and part of my respect for them is how wonderful they are as support for each other. I don't fancy either of them and they don't fancy each other either. One is in a long-term relationship with someone who's boring, selfish, petty, needy, juvenile and rude and causes my friend constant pain and frustration. The other is recovering from having his heart broken by a jealous liar. Neither of these partners are 'objectively' attractive, inside or out.

The heart wants what the heart wants!

Iv loved reading all the responses and plan on people watching that little bit harder to see if it's true that we pick others that are similarly attractive.

I have noticed some people pick spouses with similar facial features which I'm pretty sure Iv never done as the three serious relationships and 2 flings Iv had in my life all look really different and look nothing like me. I do see it though and kind of cringe wondering what that's about. Is it familiarity or self obsession? Both 🤷‍♀️.

If we are looking for love and stability are we picking the safer choices not even consciously? If you rate yourself a 7 who does that??? but pick a 5 because it feels more like they will stick around? Who knows it's all so complicated and personal.

If reading this thread puts a stop to anyone saying the topic line then it's helped because it is a little hurtful to hear. Most deal with it in a stellar way, I doth thy hat to thee lol as I'm too socially awkward to really do much except be left a bit speechless.

OMG I thought I was the only person in the world who fancied Kier Starmer but apparently not! He is not only quirky good looking but v intellectual and a lefty remainer so that does it for me!

Me and DH attract some of these kind of comments and the Kier Starmer thing actually kind of explains why. DH he is attractive in a quirky way - i.e. Not everyone fancies him but those who do, think he is v attractive and I am apparently, "girl next door type" pretty, so we don't "match" and you would be amazed how many people think it's totally fine to discuss this with us, to our faces, when they've had a few