So much better looking than partner

[JonSnowsButtocks]

Ok so this is not about me lol.

I was reading another post and read something along the lines of "that person is so much better looking, I wonder what they see in the other person" sort of thing. I see it quite a lot and the "oh they are punching above their weight".

Didn't want to derail the thread but honestly it's pretty standard stuff, is t it? I don't tend to fall in love/lust with people for just their looks and it tends to be a culmination of things that brings me to the point of a relationship. I know aesthetic is important for most but it's really not top priority, is it?

Waiting to be told I'm a complete weirdo lol.

Fanny gallops love it.

Yeah Tinygirl that's what I'm thinking people look different once you know them a bit more.

Yeah I also find it judged and a bit mean and always go on the defensive of someone has said this about me or my partner I find it just a bit unnerving.

Troodie laughed at the heavy petting. I'd definitely be side stepping once that started.

Can it be that men tend to be seen as aging better than women or certainly that's how we are brought up to see it in society. Men get to look dapper with grey hair and wrinkles. Women are encouraged to Botox and get fake boobs and stuff to continue to look younger. Not that I agree with this I'm sure it levels out eventually but their is a point where it feels slightly out of kilter.

Initial attraction is physical...but it doesn't have to be WOW... I thought my husband had a kind..attractive but not drop dead gorgeous ..face when I met him...and still do, 30 years later. Luckily we are both pretty much 'ok..scrubs up nicely' level so noone has ever commented.

However if a man can play an instrument and sing... THAT does it for me!! instantly gorgeous!

Dh has always says that he's punching above his weight. He's not what you'd call good looking but I've always found him very attractive. BUT he's a much nicer person than me in so many ways. Level, gracious, kind, selfless and so many other things.

I remember when he first introduced me to his colleagues years ago and they blurted out " you never mentioned she was gorgeous " and " how have you pulled her " which annoyed me tremendously.

Looks mean very little in the long run. A decent, kind person means so much more.

I agree with a PP that your perception of someone's attractiveness changes once you know them. A very good looking person loses their appeal if they turn out to be boring or unpleasant, and a plain-looking person becomes increasingly attractive as they grow to be important to you. You notice things you didn't before, and features that objectively may not be desirable are associated with them so become desirable.

However I think I've read that the majority do end up with partners who are of a similar level of attractiveness- it's not all that common for a very beautiful woman to be with an ugly man, and vice versa.

Mh dh is a hunk I am attractive but not conventionally beautiful. However I am pretty darn smart, funny and kind and a great partner if I say so myself.

I am sure some people gossip about how I am punching above my weight, I don't care as dh adores me. Plus my dc have inherited his good lucks and are pretty smart to boot. Win win for all..

The weird thing is how many people seem to equate "finding someone sexually attractive" with the person being good looking by objective measures. IME sexual compatibility has very little to do with looks in the sense of being " good looking".

Obviously just personality on its own only goes so far in a relationship and you need chemistry but for me (I know not for everyone else of course,) chemistry is about how I feel when I look at someone and for me that is more complicated than good-looking =I fancy them

it's not all that common for a very beautiful woman to be with an ugly man, and vice versa.

Unless one of them is very rich 😉

My dh is no oil painting but he is very attractive in that he is very manly, vigorous kind of bloke who puts lots of effort into everything he wants to achieve, has a really solid moral compass, is funny, in touch with his emotions, experienced, etc. I fell in love with the whole package.
I'd previously been in love with ds's father who is all looks, no substance, and I would never again have put any value on looks.

The sculpted hair type of appearance is not in the least bit attractive, I feel. My OH is conventionally handsome - tall, dark etc - but he is also kind, gentle, a people person and clever.
Very few pp have mentioned cleverness as being very attractive. I can become infatuated with clever men. Suits also do it for me. Lol

Yes Rose I agree about attractiveness where intelligence is concerned. Suits too.

Are you talking about Meghan and Harry...? (Or Garry as MN calls him )

It's pretty superficial. Things change over time and if we have the chance to get older there are far more important things

When other men ask Dh how he got me he says he's hung like a horse

Also,, people can become more physically attractive through their personality and when you get to know them it that makes sense. For example, you might get someone who isn't classically that good looking or/and a bit overweight, but they are the life and soul of the party which makes them attractive. Can be difficult to separate it out.

Me and DH are both similar looking, both slightly above average, maybe 6 out of 10. Attractive, but not Brangelina IYSWIM. So we don't get anyone ever wondering 'why is she with HIM?' and vice versa!

I do see some physically attractive women with less physically attractive men, which I don't find odd as men are attracted to what they see, and women are attracted to what they hear. However, I do find it most peculiar when I see a very good looking man with a much less attractive woman.

I do know a couple of women around 42-45 who are with men in their late 20's, and they are often mistaken for his mother. They are incensed and furious, because they think they look 30. They don't.

I think Harry is very attractive. Meghan is very pretty but I don't believe she's out of his league.

I don't understand this stuff either. I have no idea what level of attractiveness I am, and would hate to think that I'm being judged that way. For me personally, whether or not I am physically attracted to someone in the first place depends on so many things: whether their eyes twinkle when they smile, crow's feet when they laugh, the way they walk, sound of their voice, how they smell when I get close enough. It's a very personal thing.
My ex-h was considered attractive by a lot of people, and had a lot of female attention, but to me he wasn't by the end of that marriage.

Very few pp have mentioned cleverness as being very attractive. I can become infatuated with clever men.

I don't think it's about being 'clever' (a word I associate with small children and dogs) exactly , but I definitely could never have been in a long term relationship with someone who wasn't my intellectual equal.

Clever is the best word. Call it intelligence, being smart, having a high IQ, being brainy or any other synonym, if you like and it if it makes you feel better. Lol

Kindness adds a lot to attractiveness I feel. But to see that you'd have to get to know someone obviously.

Kindness, compatability, looking out for the other, awareness

I get this all the time, and even more so I must have married my dh for the money

Dh is probably one of the most kind hearted, intelligent, hardworking an loyal man anyone will ever meet, he also has a wicked sense of humour.

I've never gone for 'good looking' men. I don't find them attractive.

If you look around you will notice that most people tend to end up with someone of a similar level of attractiveness. That's why couples with one beauty and one 'not quite such a beauty' stand out.

Physical attraction is important to me. Very much so. Obv intelligence, humour.....taste in music(!) matter too, but if initially I don't want to rip their pants off with my teeth well then I'm just not interested.

Megan Markle is physically far more attractive than Harry but obviously his being a prince increases his sexual currency by 100%.

See also Cumberbatch and the lust he inspires in his fans. Bet you any money he wasn't quite such a hit with the ladies in his teen years.

All of my partners would have seemed better looking than me, to my work mates as I never really made an effort at work. A work colleague actually made a comment about how much more handsome my dh was compared to me. My friends however have seen the me with swishy hair, high heels, legs for days, make up etc and aren’t surprised. Despite being a size 16, I was nice and well groomed, and men like that no matter what they look like.