Staying with PIL and room is full of BILs stuff - is this weird?

[Seahawk80]

We're staying with PIL for 3 nights before Christmas and 2 nights after. Before we came to stay they said that they had spoken to BIL and said that now we had DS we would need his old room as you can't fit a travel cot in the room that was DH's. They said he was ok with this - I thought well he should be - he's in his 30s! The house was bought when DH and his brother were in their early 20s so it's not even childhood bedrooms. When we arrived yesterday we came up to the room and it's like one of those living museums! BILs stuff is everywhere- there is no wardrobe / drawer space which is annoying but not that bad. There is a a desk and chest of drawers both covered with his stuff - things like old letters, business cards, pens, postcards, just bits of crap. We have had to put everything on the floor and can't unpack. It also looks a total mess. I'm sure they have other people to stay and can't believe they leave things in such a mess - he doesn't live here and hasn't done for years - God knows how long it's been there! Is this normal? I know I would never have guests to stay in a room that was a tip! Please tell me your funny stories about staying with PIL so that I can read them after stubbing my toe on an open suitcase when I get up for night feeds!

My MILs house is the same. Husbands old bedroom is the way he left it 30 years ago when he left home. There’s still old clothes of his in the wardrobe from the 70s!

Maybe it's mothers of boys - it literally looks like it hasn't been touched since he moved out several years ago!

I don't meant to sound entitled about having bigger room btw - reading back I realised it could sound like that. I've spent years having a smaller room than my younger sisters at my mums / when away with family because they had kids first and it's just how it works in terms of space!

My Mum's house is full of my stuff. Don't want to sling it, haven't felt the need to shift it. She has the room, at the moment I don't.

I am not a "boy" if that helps.

My husband’s room is the same. They redecorated when my husband was about 25 and they put his old football and spice girls posters back up! MIL told us she decorated it for him because you never know when he’d need to move back home . We’d been together about 6 years and he’d left home at 18.

Mothers of boys?

DH has a sister and both their old rooms at PILs’ house are full of their old crap.

If there is stuff out I would be tempted to put it all in a cardboard box so you at least have some clear surface space. With a baby you do need room for their stuff and not just a travel cot. Could your DH ask his parents nicely if it would be ok to clear out one drawer so you can unpack and won’t be tripping over the suitcase with the baby?

You could do it for one night but five is too many.

I suppose it isn't a room they use, so they don't think about it. Maybe it is so strongly 'his' room, that they feel he should do it!

Maybe they are afraid of what they'll find if they clear it out!

My PiLs house is the same. DH and BiL are in their 40s, moved to the house in their teens.

Sounds bizarre. Why are these adult children not clearing their own old rooms?
OP as your child/children get older it's going to be impossible to keep those rooms as they are. Toddlers will be into everything. This could be the catalyst to get Bil to start shifting his arse stuff.

My room at home was like this until my mum moved a few weeks ago, I’m in my 30s! It wasn’t used for guests though.

My mum chucked all my stuff out 2 weeks after i'd moved out at 19! Long time ago. The room had been 'mine' from birth but always had loads of stuff of hers and my dad's in it even back then. Cupboards and shelves ect (Space wasn't an issue - why was that then?).

Deffo not a mother of boys thing. DS is 23 and still at home, I keep putting his personal stuff away out of sight to depersonalise it and thinking of colour schemes for when he's gone. He isn't going anywhere fast at the moment. Trust me, when he does there will be NO shit left behind, including all his boxes of old student possessions and bikes in the garage either.

Did you really expect PIL to empty the room of all BIL stuff for your visit?

My old bedroom in my DP's house (childhood home) still has a load of my old stuff in it! (I'm female), and DB's room still has a load of his old stuff in it.

We are both in our 40s

I still have memories of being at my Nan's house in the 70s and seeing my Dad's schoolboy painting on the door "KEEP OUT! BEWARE!" and a skull and crossbones.

He'd done that in about 1948!

I slept in there and all his old school annuals and things were in it.

I never thought it odd and still don't in a way.

Oh and my Mum's got some of my stuff still in my old room....I'm 45!

We are all girls, and my sisters and I all kept our bedrooms in our parent's house. It's not a mess however and we are free to redecorate them and keep some stuff in there.
I think it's a way for parents to say that it's still our home and we are free to come whenever.

What would be weird would have been to kept only the bedroom of one of us! OP, does your DH has his (smaller) bedroom too, but he did tidy and declutter unlike his brother?

My stuff is still in my bedroom at my Dad's. I will get round to clearing it out one day. Even when people stay, they refer to "sleeping in Emily's room"

DS sleeps in there when he stays. I sleep on there if I stay.

It is clean and tidy though.

Currently staying in my husbands old bedroom for Christmas - MIL put floral curtains, bedspreads etc in for me and DD to feel comfy

Granted any stuff of DH and our wedding gifts have been sitting in his wardrobe for last 2 years, all organised and boxed on this trip finally and going to the attic until we can buy our own home

Weird. When you have people coming to stay you make sure the rooms are clean and comfortable surely? And if that means moving random crap you bag or box up the random crap.

I would get DH to ask for a box so you can at least clear some space.

It's pretty ridiculous and also quite rude.

My MIL arrives tonight for Christmas and I will be making up the spare bedroom so that it's clean and fresh and warm and a bit Christmassy.

Having said that my mother wasn't great at getting rooms ready as she got older. I remember once DS and I arrived to stay from overseas and although the beds were made up the room was dusty and stale and needed vacuuming. We arrived late at night so I didn't say anything but I cleaned it the next morning. My dad thought I was just being fussy until he actually looked in the room. He took over doing it after that and has gradually gotten rid of lots of clutter etc.

Our stuff ruthlessly purged and boxes of our stuff deposited to each of us or binned so my parents rooms now lovely minimalist guest rooms. Agree op it is abit odd - clinging to the past.

When my parents died, I not only had to clear out all their stuff (they were hoarders) but all my brother's stuff as well.

His old room was full of it, and he hadn't lived there for over 20 years.

We boxed up our sons things and put them in the garage and redecorated as each one left home. They have slowly searched the boxes and taken stuff home and tossed things in the bin.
I'd get some boxes and clear the cupboard tops and a few drawers and unpack. Shove the boxes under the bed, or in Dh's old room. How ridiculous to keep it all like they still live there.

My parents went the opposite direction. During my year of post-graduate study (same holidays as at University - still returning home during them) they moved house and I got a sofa bed in the TV room as my bedroom.

When we stay at pil we call the "spare"room Sils shrine 😂 She's married with 3 kids, they have even made another room into a home office for the odd time that she works from home while they mind the children.
The oddest time was when we were all there for Xmas and me,Dh, dds 4 and 13 were crammed into a tiny room while sil had one room with her dh and their baby had the other room all to herself 😳
There is a thread in classics which I started one year, it's called something like such anal behaviour from pil and it's very funny.

Thanks everyone - seems like I'm not alone!

@HerrHerrHerr that made me laugh!

I think parents go either way, my mum was definitely a purger who couldn't wait to get rid of our stuff - in fact she moved house as soon as we all left uni! Any stuff she boxed up in the loft etc was bought round the day we bought our own places!

I wouldn't expect the room to be totally clear, i would expect there to be books on shelves, clothes being stored etc but not clutter everywhere especially all over the surfaces. For a start it must be a nightmare to clean - or not have been cleaned for years!! Also I know other people have stayed here who aren't family - I would find that weird.

DHs room has a few of his old books on bookshelves, nothing else and is clutter free. As DS mainly co sleeps atm I feel like asking to sleep in there!

I said to DH is that all your brothers stuff and he just said yes, he's a bit sensitive about his family so I'll pick a time to talk to him about it, I guess it will get sorted in the end though when DS is mobile! I think his parents just don't get things, like they didn't want us to use our clip on high chair on their table as it is very old, they said oh he's happy in his bouncy chair. I had to point out that he needs to eat and that he can't just live on air to protect their table!