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AIBU?

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Original poster

Staying with PIL and room is full of BILs stuff - is this weird?

81 replies

Seahawk80 · 22/12/2017 06:53

We're staying with PIL for 3 nights before Christmas and 2 nights after. Before we came to stay they said that they had spoken to BIL and said that now we had DS we would need his old room as you can't fit a travel cot in the room that was DH's. They said he was ok with this - I thought well he should be - he's in his 30s! The house was bought when DH and his brother were in their early 20s so it's not even childhood bedrooms. When we arrived yesterday we came up to the room and it's like one of those living museums! BILs stuff is everywhere- there is no wardrobe / drawer space which is annoying but not that bad. There is a a desk and chest of drawers both covered with his stuff - things like old letters, business cards, pens, postcards, just bits of crap. We have had to put everything on the floor and can't unpack. It also looks a total mess. I'm sure they have other people to stay and can't believe they leave things in such a mess - he doesn't live here and hasn't done for years - God knows how long it's been there! Is this normal? I know I would never have guests to stay in a room that was a tip! Please tell me your funny stories about staying with PIL so that I can read them after stubbing my toe on an open suitcase when I get up for night feeds!

OP posts:
80sMum · 22/12/2017 09:13

How weird! And what a waste of space in the house, to be hanging on to all that old junk! Once DD and DS had moved out for good, I stripped their rooms and redecorated them. DH moved into one room (hurray! No more snoring and shoving to keep me awake all night!) and the other became a guest room, for which I bought new furniture.

Whenever anyone comes to stay, I always remove any of our stuff that may have accumulated in the spare room, so the guests have a clean and clear room. I would be mortified to have them sleeping in a tip!

MargaretCavendish · 22/12/2017 09:14

I said to DH is that all your brothers stuff and he just said yes, he's a bit sensitive about his family so I'll pick a time to talk to him about it

Why do you need to talk about it at all? Are you really expecting him to tell his parents what they can and can't have in the spare room of their house? I can see why you'd find it annoying, but guests can't put in complaints about their accommodation - I think you might be thinking of hotels?

glitterlips1 · 22/12/2017 09:15

My parents made me bag everything up when I left home at 19 and they have nothing from my childhood not even a school report. They don't keep anything! I am the opposite with my children I keep everything but I would not keep their bedroom as a shine if they left home!

RockNRollNerd · 22/12/2017 09:16

Please tell me your funny stories about staying with PIL so that I can read them after stubbing my toe on an open suitcase when I get up for night feeds!

You need to start following this guy on Twitter as he'll hopefully be starting his retweets of where people sleep at their parents over the Christmas period.

Pannalash · 22/12/2017 09:18

All this talk of ‘weird’ Hmm at the end of the day it’s their home and therefore theirs to do as they wish.

Greenteandchives · 22/12/2017 09:26

sparkling if I do it, someone will be on here posting about their evil mil who has dumped a pile of crap into their pristine home. Guaranteed. Xmas Grin

Sparklingbrook · 22/12/2017 09:33

Would make a fab AIBU Green. You really wouldn't be. Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 22/12/2017 09:34

I think it just comes down to whether folk are hoarders or purgers.

Miserable though to literally camp out in a mess all over Christmas with babies. Just not comfy or welcoming really, so I see your point!

Don't feel bad about (politely) arranging something else for next year.

cjt110 · 22/12/2017 09:41

PILs house kept a room for SIL until about 4 years ago. She left home aged 16 to work abroad. Approx 20 years before....

Amanduh · 22/12/2017 09:51

I don't think it's weird really. They could have cleared some space for you though. But not weird.
As for the clipping on to the table - I think they're completely fair enough with that one!

ExConstance · 22/12/2017 09:54

My mother's house has cupboards full of my old stuff (and I'm 61!) Some of it she has put labels on to be sure I get it back when she dies!
We have been empty nesters for 6 months now and there is no sign of either of our sons collecting all the old that is so important to them that we have to keep it forever.

StrawBasket · 22/12/2017 10:02

they didn't want us to use our clip on high chair on their table as it is very old

I wouldn't not want you to do that on MY table!

daisypond · 22/12/2017 10:03

I don't think it's particularly weird. You're staying in someone's home, not a hotel, and many people don't have a designated "guest room". I'd never expect wardrobe or drawer space, when I go and visit my own parents or other relatives. Having your stuff in your suitcase is normal to me.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 22/12/2017 10:08

The BIL should clear his mess up, however if I was his mum, I would have boxed it up and asked him to look through it for the stuff he wants to keep. Not right away but a few months after moving out.

My parents have moved since I left home, so I don't have childhood bedroom, and DH's room his parents were ripping it apart before we'd even finished boxing his stuff up!!!

re the clip on high chair, I wouldn't let you attach it to my table either as its glass and expensive and my parents wouldn't let you either as its an antique with french polishing that takes a lot of care. They would probably let you attach it to the kitchen table. I found the ikea £9 highchairs best for travel to family. just the small seat and the legs easy to find random spot in the boot of the car, they are then freestanding and you don't need to worry about other peoples furniture or if the table is sturdy enough to not flip with your child in the seat.

Original poster
Seahawk80 · 22/12/2017 10:11

I probably didn't explain about the clip on high chair properly. I totally understand that they don't want us to use it. I just sat DS on my knee to eat and said we'll get a high chair for you to have here for next time that folds down easily. FIL then said oh it's ok, he's happy in his bouncy chair. That's what I meant about not getting things - they don't think that things change every day with babies and that as he becomes mobile clutter will be a nightmare. I know it's easy to forget when yours are grown up.

We are staying with my mum next at the same time as my step sister, she has said she has had to pack away all her sowing stuff from the third bedroom - I will tell her that I'm very grateful I won't be stubbbng my toe on a pincushion!

Lol at the poster who's children live in stylish homes where their childhood clutter isn't welcome!

OP posts:
BellyBean · 22/12/2017 10:19

Is bil staying in the smaller bedroom then? I'd box up his stuff and put it in there while you're staying.

diddl · 22/12/2017 10:20

"we'll get a high chair for you to have here for next time that folds down easily."

So you expect them to store a high hair for you?

I don't think FIL said anything wrong about the chair tbh-perhaps he was hinting that they don't want to store a high chair?

I used to feed mine on my knee or in a bouncy chair when visiting.

WeAllHaveWings · 22/12/2017 10:30

my (fairly normal and supportive) parents cleared all our rooms as soon as our feet were out the door (there were 5 of us). probably making sure we didn't come back!

thecatsthecats · 22/12/2017 10:54

I'm going home to my parents house tomorrow and all my bits of things will be in my room as usual. Even things like eight year old rail tickets.

It was only after I left that my sister and I realised that we essentially did all the cleaning and tidying. My room is the only 'guest' room with a double bed, which my sister complains about - but I actually bought and paid for it myself!

All she's done is try to lay claim to items of furniture, not contribute if that's what she wants.

Sparklingbrook · 22/12/2017 10:56

Take a box thecats. Grin

Ruhrpott · 22/12/2017 11:03

MILs was like this too up to earlier this year when we and BIL cleared out the rooms as she is supposedly getting ready to move into a care home and insisted she couldn't even think about it with so much stuff in the house. MIL then spent the whole day crying that it was awful having someone clear out your house before your dead even though she had asked us to clear them out and it wasn't even her stuff.

They are now 56 and 53! DH insisted we took his old music stand , tin soldiers and other junk home with us even though they had spent the last fifty odd years in his old bedroom and he doesn't play any instruments. They are now in his office dumped in a corner.

SparklyLeprechaun · 22/12/2017 11:05

I've still got clothes in my old bedroom in my parents' house from 25 years ago. They come in handy when I travel with hand luggage only :)
I found a cupboard full of old school coursework as well but I threw those out a couple of years ago.

BoredOnMatLeave · 22/12/2017 11:15

What exactly are all these things? I didn't leave anything when I moved out of my mums, it was an empty room when left apart from curtains. She also redecorated and moved my brother in there 4 weeks later! Maybe we are a bit less emotionally attached to things than most people..

TemptressofWaikiki · 22/12/2017 11:31

I’m utterly stunned by people who move out and leave all their stuff behind for parents to store. A few small mementos perhaps but not mass of crap. Who does that? It feels rude, entitled and selfish.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 22/12/2017 11:40

Most 18 year old are fairly thoughtless though Temptress - I know I was!

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