Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be upset for DD!!

137 replies

donners312 · 20/12/2017 21:54

DD13 been a bit fragile lately and this has led to bullying at school.

School have been pretty good but it has been tough.

There was a party tonight and DD had a friend coming over to get ready before so they could go together.

Low and behold she didn't turn up and then started posting photos rom the bullies house of them all getting ready together.

DD has still gone to the party I didn't want her to go and am on tenderhooks until i pick her up at 11.

How can they be so horrible?

OP posts:
ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 20/12/2017 23:14

Well it certainly does show she is made of stern stuff wanting to go. However bullying does not make anyone stronger at all, threads on here about the life long lasting effects. It s not something I would ever put up with for my dc. I would see how it goes tonight and if things do not improve, move her.

hungryhippo90 · 20/12/2017 23:15

Dinners- how was DDs night?
I hope she managed to enjoy herself.
Of course you know your own daughter, but she isn’t that fragile, going tonight took some guts, please tell her how proud you are she still went tonight despite the other girls being horrible bitches.

I think that on the whole girls can be very nasty, there’s a lot of bitchiness from even an early age, but the good news is, with friendship groups like that, one falls out of favour, then another will soon enough, so all of these dreadful mothers will soon enough have their turn, where they are speaking to other parents to be told their little angels don’t partake in bullying of any sort.

Hope DD starts to feel better soon, and these girls will lay off her.

hungryhippo90 · 20/12/2017 23:16

*donners

Original poster
donners312 · 20/12/2017 23:17

wow thank you all so much for getting me through tonight.

Well it went as good as it could have and i am also now very proud of DD.

She totally ignored the ringleader, two of the minions came running up to her, and she said she was polite smiled and moved on, She said they all kept going off in a little click and at one point one of them was in tears, so obviously they are ingrained in their own stupid drama.

Anyway DD made friends with some other girls from another school and spent the night dancing she is actually pretty happy and i am really proud that she has done that.

I suggested she block them all off snapchat etc but she doesn't want to and said that one of them had apparently sent her a text to apologize (according to another girl) but i said that if she had you would of got it so please just move on now but she wants to text her. I said we will talk about it tomorrow - but it is definitely time for her to move onto another crew!

Thank you all, you lovely lot!! feeling a lot better now.

OP posts:
hungryhippo90 · 20/12/2017 23:19

Also just reading the post above- if you feel that moving her school may be best, sometimes it is the most amazing thing.we moved a year ago, after having a really hard few years with the old school, socially DD was just not doing very well.

We moved a year ago- we had no choice but to change schools, we’ve seen a massive difference in DDs general happiness, she has a stable friendship group, she’s invited to her friends houses for dinner, she now loves to go to school, it’s amazing!

RaeSkywalker · 20/12/2017 23:19

donners your daughter sounds amazing, you must be so very proud.

I agree with you about the text.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 20/12/2017 23:20

Look at her! Rising above it!

Flowers for you and DD. She's showing her strong character OP! Now those girls have seen she can't be squashed easily.

LaughingLlama · 20/12/2017 23:20

I have 2 teen girls. Now 19 and 16. Both have been through the mill with friendship groups turning sour. To a certain degree it happens to modt teen girls. However it is awful when it's your dd on the receiving end of it. My dds have been at the brunt of some evil and frankly sick behaviour that had obviously been pre planned. Girls can be very very cruel and the pack mentality with pressure to fit in makes it worse.
I think we have turned a corner with my 16yo this yet. 6th form has seen her mix with new friends who so far seem to have her back covered. I only hope it lasts. I'm nervous myself of the future because last year was nothing short of hellish. The stunts some girls pulled were beyond sickening. My dd is now under CAHMS and alot better. Sadly it took 10 months for her referral to lead to an appointment.

I almost had a break down myself last year dealing with the fall out and shocking levels these sick bullies would go to.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. I think they slowly grow out of ripping people to shreds. However, the impact of bullying does leave it's Mark to a degree.

MammaTJ · 20/12/2017 23:20

What a relief and well done to your DD!

BadFeminist · 20/12/2017 23:21

Well done that girl! You should be very proud.

IvorBiggun · 20/12/2017 23:21

Sounds like a good result.

I do think you’re right to remind your dd of the facts to help her keep perspective and a grip on the truth.

Friends treat each other with respect. These girls are not her friends. Tough lesson but a good one.

Original poster
donners312 · 20/12/2017 23:21

I think one of the reasons i am so upset is because the ringleaders Mum has been so involved and horrible and her DD is now bestie with my DD ex bestie. She has totally manipulated the whole situation and I feel like she has won if that makes sense and because she is so nasty it felt very unfair. Plus my DD bestie had professed to seriously dislike this girl (even to teachers at school - another story) and yet now they are friends and excluding and being mean to my DD. I know its because this mother has backstabbed my DD etc Guess what goes around comes around.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 20/12/2017 23:25

horrible to read that laughingllama - these bullies must be very unhappy. you just ant understand their mentality can you. The parents seem just as bad don't they.

Praying for the pendulum to swing!!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2017 23:26

That is awful, your poor dd, discovering her friend is not actually a friend after all. I am glad she went to the party. hope she had a nice time.

DarkDarkNight · 20/12/2017 23:29

That is a great reaction your daughter had - to politely smile and move on.

I remember being excluded from a friendship group at school. Looking back there were nice people who actually wanted to be my friends. I wish I could go back in time and dump the mean girls. I would have been so much happier.

BadFeminist · 20/12/2017 23:38

Ds's dad has re-engineered his friendships to coincide with his own.

Ds's new "best friend" is an insufferable shithead (no different from his parents) and DS is so intent on making it work to please his dad it's literally making him cry. The little group are all horrible and I want to end them all.

Ds should be allowed to make friends organically but his father has this obsession with middle class validation. And when the parents are involved there's little you can do.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/12/2017 23:38

Glad she survived the party and managed to hold her head up against the mean girls.
I loathe this sort of behaviour - similar happened to my oldest niece last year, at a "good" school - the school tried to deal with it but the ringleader was just relentless and so niece has moved to another school. She seems happier there.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/12/2017 23:53

I’m glad she had a good time. It’s great she made some new friends & showed them she doesn’t need them. Brave wee girl.

mehhh · 21/12/2017 00:17

Awful!!

I hope you are your dd are okay! So glad she has made some nice friends! I feel like not enough young girls are told about being kind to each other and it's so important

I hated school purely because of how horrendous girls are, I now have horrendous anxiety over the thought of my dd going to school, I just hope she meets some nice friends and enjoys it!

elisaveta · 21/12/2017 00:36

god aren't they dreadful sometimes. You should be so proud of your girl, OP. DS1 has been very nastily bullied so empathise deeply. and the other parents were shit really. The best we could hope for was a weak smile. Glad your DD had a good night - that should help with confidence a bit.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 21/12/2017 00:47

Your DD is a hero. Brave and strong.

A good life lesson here. She'll do well in the years ahead.

Dixiestampsagain · 21/12/2017 00:59

Wow- that showed real strength of character! I’m not sure I’d ever have been so brave. Glad she enjoyed her evening.

KERALA1 · 21/12/2017 06:39

I think this is a "thing" at this age sadly it even has a name - gangstering.. I had a generally pleasant friendship group but at 13/14 remember suddenly I was ousted for a few weeks. I had done nothing I was aware of, but suddenly my bag was wrong, my hair was wrong and I sat alone. I still remember the utter devastation. Then it seemed to pass on am still friends with these girls now women.

Oh and it happened to a Taylor Swift! Listen to The Best Day on her Fearless album. This too will pass op ...

Daisydukes79 · 21/12/2017 07:01

Your daughter is amazing! You have obviously done a great job raising her to develop that strength of character. X

Pengggwn · 21/12/2017 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread