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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be upset for DD!!

137 replies

donners312 · 20/12/2017 21:54

DD13 been a bit fragile lately and this has led to bullying at school.

School have been pretty good but it has been tough.

There was a party tonight and DD had a friend coming over to get ready before so they could go together.

Low and behold she didn't turn up and then started posting photos rom the bullies house of them all getting ready together.

DD has still gone to the party I didn't want her to go and am on tenderhooks until i pick her up at 11.

How can they be so horrible?

OP posts:
Vodkafairy75 · 20/12/2017 22:14

I'm more of a lurker but just wanted to say that your daughter is so brave for going tonight. I don't think it would have been something I could have done at that age. I hope that she is having a good time with some new friends and that those nasty girls have left her alone. Some girls are just absolute bitches.

I'm sure that if something had happened she would have called but I don't blame you for worrying until you pick her up.

Flowers for the both of you xx

LookingForwardToChristmas · 20/12/2017 22:14

I really hope things at the party went ok for your DD. Thinking of her. This is a horrible age and time.

SisterLocation · 20/12/2017 22:15

Poor DD, I hope she is OK

pingu73 · 20/12/2017 22:17

OMG that is exactly to the tee what is happening with my 13 year old daughter. It’s a bloody nightmare and the ringleaders mum for us is a parent governor. All last week was spent dealing with the bs they created and don’t get me started on snap chat hate the bloody thing!
Tbh I told her head of year that I just wished she’d turn round and batter this girl Cos she’s making everyone s a life a misery and he agreed from a personal perspective obviously not professionally though.

greenapplesplatter · 20/12/2017 22:19

You couldn't pay me to be a teenage girl again.

Dread the day I have to go through it with DD.

Horrible little cows they can be. I agree with PP's though - your DD is obviously made of strong stuff to of gone along to the party regardless & that will stand her in good stead!!

Rudgie47 · 20/12/2017 22:20

Thats awful, I'd suggest that she tries to make new friends away from this group. Is there anything in the local area she can join? Can she look for a new interest or something in the New Year?.
With friends its best to have more than 1 set. This time will pass for her.

SummatFishyEre · 20/12/2017 22:21

I hated being a teenager because of shit like this. You've got one strong girl there OP

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 22:22

This is horrid and hope she's ok. You feel so impotent. 💐

splatattack · 20/12/2017 22:24

I hope your DD has had a good night!! Fingers crossed...🤞

MeadowHay · 20/12/2017 22:25

As a girl who was bullied horribly around that age and for a few years pre-and-post, I know how awful it was and tbh you never really get over it. I'm in my mid-twenties and I still sometimes have nightmares that I'm back in high school and being bullied, I kid you not.

BUT it does get better and she is really lucky to have a mum who she feels she can talk to about it and that will support her as you are doing.

Hillbillyhotel · 20/12/2017 22:25

Hope she gets on okay. Made my heart break reading this. Girls are awful bitches and go along with the crowd at that age,so proud of your dd for being strong and independent.

Runbikeswim · 20/12/2017 22:26

Fingers crossed she has had an ok night🍀

Doublevodka · 20/12/2017 22:28

Your post has really affected me. My 13 year old dd moved schools 6 months ago because of her usual group of friends making her life a misery. We agonized over the decision to move her but the school were appalling at dealing with it and after several months, we felt we had no choice. My dd can be quite soft and I feel this worked against her. Sadly I feel that if she had been bitchy and gossipy she would have thrived in high school. She is much happier since moving schools but it has left her fragile and me extremely anxious. I'm just wishing away the next 3 years. I just want her to survive high school as teenage girls can be pretty evil. I really hope your dd has been ok tonight. X

Allthewaves · 20/12/2017 22:28

I was the same at school at 13 then a friend from St John ambulance (loads of out of school friends) introduced me to air cadets and didn't look back. Made loads new friends to have nights out with, camps away. Self confidence improved and just started coming home for lunch. School literally became something I went to to get my education.

It's always good to find out of scool stuff too

AntiHop · 20/12/2017 22:29

Hope things get better for her. I'm fuming on her behalf.

MammaTJ · 20/12/2017 22:30

I am actually crying because of your thread and the recent memories it has brought back.

My DD was horribly bullied and left one club because one of the main bullies started going.

Then three 'adults' and 6 children were lying in wait for her down the road from school. That was the last day she went to school.

I am now homeschooling and although it is hard work, it is emotionally better than sending her off, then worrying all day about what state she would come home in and what she would tell me had happened, or worse, what she wouldn't tell me!

She now does loads of other clubs with nicer kids!

I hope things have worked out well for your DD tonight! Fingers and toes crossed!

Chickoletta · 20/12/2017 22:30

Brave and wonderful girl. Let us know how she is when you get home.

MammaTJ · 20/12/2017 22:32

Allthewaves, my DD does Air Cadets and loves it. I can see it leading to a career for her too, eventually, if that is what she wants! She even has a 'boyfriend', he asked her out last night. Not sure when they will actually 'go out', lol!

yikesanotherbooboo · 20/12/2017 22:32

So sorry for DD, this is such a commonplace story. Why is there no effective impetus to stop this awful and unacceptable behaviour

coalit · 20/12/2017 22:33

Your post took me back to the day DD went on a school trip abroad for a week. She sat on the coach alone, all her ex friends sat elsewhere, horrible little bullies, she gave me a week smile and a wave as the coach pulled away.

She was fine, made some new friends and enjoyed the trip. Me, I had a terrible week but I was so proud of her. Hope all's well OP.

KittyBelle123 · 20/12/2017 22:34

Thanks for you OP, and for your DD. I hate bullies; fucking screwed up, horrible, pathetic bullies.** I hope she has been ok this evening and pick up goes smoothly.

Doublevodka Thanks for you and your DD too.

Original poster
donners312 · 20/12/2017 22:35

mamma - that has made me feel really sick there really are some awful people out there.

thank you all for posting and it really is horrible hearing all these other tories, I want to think being bullied makes you stronger but i think like you say it haunts you actually.

I agree being softer and gentle backfires, if my DD was the type to be two faced and back stabbing then she could fight her corner but she just wants to be friends and like everyone and basically isn't tough enough - i am trying to drill it into her but...

I have thought about changing school but her school is essentially lovely and teachers are great but have to say the mothers and the children are pretty grim so far.

I'm worried if i see the other mothers tonight i will say something - another reason to go there early.

I really appreciate everyone comments and support.

OP posts:
violetbluesky · 20/12/2017 22:36

I've always been glad that I was a "nice girl" at school.

Also, if my parents caught wind of me bullying someone...jeez...they'd have strung me up - and rightly so.

KittyBelle123 · 20/12/2017 22:36

Sorry - don't know what happened with bold / not bold - it looked fine before I posted!

WhooooAmI24601 · 20/12/2017 22:36

I love the DCs. Love the bones of them. But fuck me sideways I went bezerk when DS1 was caught bullying a kid at his judo class. Because despite loving my DCs to death I also love them enough to think if they're bullying there are two choices; ignore it and pretend to see nothing (which means they'll probably grow up continuing to be absolute twats) or haul them over the coals and make sure they know just how fucking unacceptable it is (and hopefully they'll be less twatty adults). It's such a simple thing yet so many parents aren't able to work out that a massive bollocking now could save so much heartache for so many children and make their own children far nicer people. It's not shameful to admit your child has bullied; the shame is leaving it to continue when you know full well that they're terrorising another child. Parents who do that should be held personally accountable for their children's actions.

OP I think your DD sounds incredible. Going to that party with her head high must have taken real strength, I hope she's enjoyed it and not felt too hurt by their shitty actions.