How on earth can I afford to work??

[Arrowfanatic]

Stopped working to become a sahm in the early part of 2011.

I now have 3 kids all in primary school and have been considering returning to full time employment.

However I've been totalling the costs of child care and I just can't see how it's worth it. Daily costs for before/after school care is almost £60 a day and that's after the sibling discount.

Holiday costs are close to £100 a day after discount.

I have no family or friends who could help, and the nature of my husband's work means he wouldn't be able to be reliable to do any school runs (works for the emergency services, shifts, minimum notice call ins, very rarely makes it out on time and is at least 1.5 hour commute away).

Any job I could get would not be a big earner, less than £25k. Even with childcare vouchers I can't see it being worth it. I feel like I should try to work, especially now the kids are all in school but it looks impossible. My husband's salary although good only just covers our costs as it is.

Is there anything else out there to help? We don't qualify for any benefits, except child benefit so no tax credit help.

It's pointless me working isn't it.

Snob much?

Not even vaguely. I have done precisely all of that, which is how I know why its a stupid suggestion. It's not an easy option. YOU may be able to gain after one year, but most people won't.

Arrogant and self absorbed much?

That's lovely to hear Persian do you mind me asking what degree you did?
I transferred my credits over from previous study before I had my DD so wanting to finish it off, but I'm going through the open degree route as it'll mean less time and money to finish it off.

I thought about teacher training but I just don't think I would make a good teacher! Haha
I'm thinking I might opt for further training as either occupational therapist or social work at the moment.

people rarely consider sick pay and pensions in their take home calculations - think about your retirement too, it's really important and expensive - me working is worth an extra £10k p.a. when we retire, and once the childcare gets cheaper, probably about 10 years off our mortgage.

So if you CAN go back to a job that offers decent pension, life insurance perhaps and sick pay/early retirement for ill health, these are important factors too.

I worked my most inventive shifts when I had preschool dc and no partner at all. Necessity is the mother of invention, correct?

It is doable for most people if they both make the effort

Nonsense. You are assuming an awful lot. Such as he has the kind of job that it is possible to do in any other way than how he does it! There are endless jobs where there is zero possibility of never doing the early shift, or just simply switching to set shifts, or only being flexible when you feel like it.

People sit in their little bubbles thinking that the jobs they do apply to everyone. If it was easy to just change things so your life worked so much smoother then they would be doing that, not just carrying on doing it the shitty way because they love it so much!

so many people don't consider that more juggling now when the DC are relatively small and primary aged could mean a much nicer retirement than they're otherwise looking at.

£1200 a month isn't really very high paying. It's not exactly 'big bucks' as you say. Why not look for something either part-time in school hours or full-time work that just covers your costs? When I went back to work after my first, my salary at the time just about covered nursery and commuting costs with very little left over after that. But never mind, I loved what I did and it allowed me to put time in to building my career. I now, 4 years later, earn considerably more than that and we can live very comfortably even with childcare costs. But it meant putting in time and accepting I wasn't going to be getting rich anytime soon. I also have a career where I have a lot of flexibility, don't need to work set hours, and several days a week I'm able to fit work around the school run plus a few hours in the evening while still being full-time (meaning we don't need before/after school coverage anyway). I would look at finding ways to stick your toes back in, even if part-time if you need or want to work. If you don't (your dh earns quite well, so maybe you don't), then I wouldn't stress about it.

Necessity is the mother of invention, correct?

Except often there is no invention to be made, no matter how hard you try.

I'm not advocating for pessimism, but some realism would be nice. There is this rather smug "you could manage it if you were as clever lucky as me" attitude on here.

It is doable for most people if they both make the effort. Of course it's easier for OP's DH not to do any of this - his life is fine as it is, thanks very much. But it really is risky long-term with 3 DC to rely on one salary for the rest of their working lives.

Absolutely this. As a starting point, what about women with kids in DH's career? They must exist. I'd bet significant money they don't have DPs facilitating their every move. What steps have they taken to make it manageable?

It's almost always men who claim to have these 'can't possibly function without someone running my home 24/7 type jobs'. Women don't usually have these luxuries.

Curry I think you're assuming that the OP's DH's job is totally inflexible.

OP hasn't said that at all.

I am assuming nothing, and I'm not in a bubble or smugly thinking anyone "could do it if they were as lucky as me".

My only point was that it is easy to assume, but sometimes assumptions are wrong! i.e. don't assume your DH's job cannot possibly change if you've never needed to think about it before now.

OP, you need to work from the starting point that since you and your partners are equals any childcare costs would need to be paid from both of your salaries, as would food/clothes/etc.

£1200 a month isn't really very high paying. It's not exactly 'big bucks' as you say.

I'm not sure if you're replying to me here, but I think you and I live in completely different worlds. £1200 extra disposable income per month would make a massive difference to us.

That's £14,400 extra every year! And this is after all expenses have been paid for! In my world, this is definitely "quids in".

Sometimes it is very m very hard. Sometimes solutions are really hard to find. Sometimes there are none, due to area, financial climate etc.

I think it is reasonable to assume that a little flexibility on what you might consider as a job, working hours, etc, opens up those options and once you expand these more solutions can become apparent.

There is an undercurrent of try harder on this thread, you are right, but it seems to be coming from the closed statements so many are making, and the side argument about study (which is a valid enough suggestion, IMO)

OP if you are in the position of being able to add even an hour or two of work here and there and it not affect your financial status quo in terms of access to tax credits etc then I suggest you are in a fortunate position of being able to pick and choose some income streams or opportunities to suit you.

there is agency work, failing that maybe DH should alter his pension contributions? to earn 66k and pay pension to ensure child benefit is it really worth it?

Nos, I'm saying you are silly to assume it is. If it was easily flexible, OP would say so.
All the "why don't you just do (thing that they would be doing already if it was as easy as you imagine)".

It's irritating.

My wraparound care is £21/day
The OP has 3 children

Do you have any skills you can work from the home with? Virtual assistant? Audio transcription (there's a site where you can do a test online)? Copywriting (hard to break into)? Look at Peopleperhour.com for ideas.

I applied for a fulltime job and at interview the firm said they were flexible and what hours did I really want. They have at least one person here on school hours. I imagine this is rare but you could always apply for fulltime and see what happens if offered something.

There's a cafe in the building looking for work between 9:30-2:30 every day. Pay must be low I imagine but good hours.

There's a private school near me that sometimes has part-time jobs doing things like marketing or pastoral work. Obviously areas vary but keep your eye out for anything!

Look at everything available locally (I liked indeed for jobs browsing) and see if anything would work for you.

Nos, I'm saying you are silly to assume it is. If it was easily flexible, OP would say so.

I'm not assuming it is! I am saying: have you considered this, as a family?

Because it is perfectly possible to be in the situation that you didn't work when the DC were small, and now you'd like to "but DH's job is so inflexible" when you've never really tested that assumption.

Why would you know if it's possible to fix shifts or do something differently if you've never needed to do it before now?

Some people are stuck being SAHC because their DP's work is impossible to work around.

But I think the vast majority of people are not actually in this situation as most jobs are required by law to consider flexible working requests...

I would devise you to hold off for now.in meantime get as many qualifications under your belt as you can.
A lot of community/women's centres in my area run free IT courses.

I gave up work to be a Sahm but didn't keep my skill sets updated so now I'm only worth a minimum wage job.

Op has 3 primary aged DC with no reported SN, so it's no wonder there's an attitude of try harder - the op mentioned that she wouldn't have her DC give up any clubs which surprised me - my kids could give up a few clubs for the sake of us having a viable second income stream and a pension.

They have to really think about things as a couple - is her DH a massively high earner (doesn't sound like it), would they both be better off trying to get more standard jobs and sharing the load as a couple?

Having a DH with a very inflexible schedule, no family help and very costly holiday and wraparound care does seem like an unenviable load. Op's wraparound care is more than mine and I live in an expensive city centre.

It sounds a simualr situtation to my old one. My ex wife had no education and a very low income job. I had at the time a fairly well paid job in the Forces. Likewise because of the nature of my job (which provided the roof over our heads) I could not be relied upon to assist with school runs etc because I could never really know what I would be doing from day to day or even if I would be in the country. At the time we were posted a long way away from both our families. I'm sorry if this is no help but we also came to the conclusion that the only way we could afford children was that I was the sole bread winner. It was tough on one income but impossible and totally unaffordable with us both working. Child care would have cost too much. I think given your particular circumstances your right OP. Having said that the only stay young and highly dependant on you for a few years. Once older you'll have far more oppertunities

I was a SAHM for 11 years and made the most of the time with my children, you can't have that time again. My husband earned a reasonable wage and we had to be careful with budgeting, e.g. no holidays abroad. I was asked by my eldest when she was 5 why I didn't work like the other mums, I just told her I worked at home doing everything that needed doing so that we had time together as a family. I had a SAHM till I was 10 when my dad died, my mum had to work full-time as no benefit system at the time, it would have been lovely if she had been home when we got home from school, but we managed. There appears to be so much pressure to go back to full time work as mums feel they aren't contributing, but you are, not moneywise but timewise.

If it was easily flexible, OP would say so.

I agree with NoSquirrels the OP/OP's husband probably hasn't completely tested this.

What would happen if for example the OP was totally unable to look after the DC for a while? Would her DH find a way to cope? I'm sure he would. I work in an industry that on the face of it looks like it's 'impossible' to work alongside normal childcare. But actually, I questioned lots of expectations, put some rules on the table, take a lot of work home with me and have a DH who knows that the DCs are his responsibility too. It's not easy, but we make it work.

OP's husband works for the emergency services, I doubt he can take work home with him or put new rules on the table.

Way to prove my point

@orkneyfudge

Hi, what is the business you bought and how does that work? Hope you don't mind the question as I could do something like that myself.