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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How on earth can I afford to work??

185 replies

Arrowfanatic · 20/12/2017 11:39

Stopped working to become a sahm in the early part of 2011.

I now have 3 kids all in primary school and have been considering returning to full time employment.

However I've been totalling the costs of child care and I just can't see how it's worth it. Daily costs for before/after school care is almost £60 a day and that's after the sibling discount.

Holiday costs are close to £100 a day after discount.

I have no family or friends who could help, and the nature of my husband's work means he wouldn't be able to be reliable to do any school runs (works for the emergency services, shifts, minimum notice call ins, very rarely makes it out on time and is at least 1.5 hour commute away).

Any job I could get would not be a big earner, less than £25k. Even with childcare vouchers I can't see it being worth it. I feel like I should try to work, especially now the kids are all in school but it looks impossible. My husband's salary although good only just covers our costs as it is.

Is there anything else out there to help? We don't qualify for any benefits, except child benefit so no tax credit help.

It's pointless me working isn't it.

OP posts:
otherdoor · 20/12/2017 12:17

Do you honestly want to work? It doesn't really sound like you do.

By doing the job he does, your husband is making it really hard for you to work by making the childcare 100% your responsibility. If it were important to him that you worked, surely he'd find something that allowed you to split shifts/drop offs/pick ups etc.

Anyway if I'm wrong and you do really want to work of look for some kind of part time or shift work - I've worked in shops and offices which had e.g. 9-2 shifts? Then people would mostly use annual leave to cover holidays plus the odd holiday club.

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 12:17

I know plenty of people who do office work working 8/9-3 which allows for parents of school age children to work - broaden your search parameters

Cockmagic · 20/12/2017 12:19

Can you train as a teaching assistant / nursery worker?

TheClacksAreDown · 20/12/2017 12:19

I would consider an au pair. Would be significantly cheaper during term time.

ElsieMay123 · 20/12/2017 12:22

Have you looked at job sharing opportunities? Government posts especially seem to be possible this way but maybe more socially minded companies would consider it too, so you wouldn't need child care every day and it would ease you back into work. Also flexi-time and term time working are all gaining in popularity.

But maybe you haven't really set your heart on getting a job? You said work would have to be 'financially worth it' well yes but also hmmmm, there is the future to think about and money isn't everything. Getting something less high paying now might save you a world of bother later when you are bored out of your mind but struggle to get back into work due to the +15 year gap. Decide on your now priorities and your future aspirations and search with that in mind.

yulefool · 20/12/2017 12:22

very hard if your DH has no set pattern so you are always relying on childcare. Is there really no 2 days across the 7 days per week where he can't be the primary parent?

Even evenings/weekends for example a couple of days a week would boost the family earnings.

Do the kids really need to do all those clubs? My DD does one and the after school club takes them as it's in the school. Clubs are all well and good but if your family is losing out on £10k pa that's a pretty high cost.

You've got to decide what you want first: any job, a job that fits in with school hours, a career that will pay well when you build it back up, your old job but a lower version of it?

Decide what you want, job wise, then decide what you CAN do about the childcare situation.

yulefool · 20/12/2017 12:24

i can tell you what I'd do in your shoes, I'd go for something along the lines of my old job, at a lower level, and I'd get into the interview, if I managed to get to the point where they're interested in taking me on, I'd discuss whether you can do 9-3 (hours for 4 FT days across 5 days) something like that.

But you need to figure out what you want, start from that point and then work on solving the constraints.

Capelin · 20/12/2017 12:24

I would go back to work OP, even if financially it is barely worth it. The reasons are that it will be much easier to find a job now than if you leave it for another few years. Then in the future, when childcare becomes cheaper, you’ll be glad you did it.

Also, it’s much easier to ask for part time / flexible working once you already have a job. So you might have to suck up the full childcare costs for a year or two, and then change your hours around to suit you better.

StrawBasket · 20/12/2017 12:24

Keep applying, and keep an eye on schools websites for jobs.

People who have a support network do not have a clue how impossible it is for someone to work when there's no help around, and you need to be available for pick ups, for holidays/ inset days/ election days!

There are options if you only need to increase your income: child minder, cleaners - they are in very high demand around here!

PersianCatLady · 20/12/2017 12:27

Is it £60 a day childcare for all 3 children?

I am really hoping that it isn't £60 a day each

Honeycombcrunch · 20/12/2017 12:27

If you worked in debt collection, do you have accounting or bookkeeping experience or qualifications? Part time jobs definitely exist in accountancy and knowledge of credit control would be probably be considered beneficial.

Kazzyhoward · 20/12/2017 12:27

Another vote for getting whatever job you can, even if it barely covers your extra costs. For the long term, far better to have a foot in the door - you can apply for better jobs or part time work in the same place. And having a job will usually put you ahead when you come to applying for other jobs.

Rotorevolution · 20/12/2017 12:27

Work during school hours/evenings or weekends. Care work? School based work etc

Shattered04 · 20/12/2017 12:27

Find out what the going hourly rate is for live out after school nannies - I have four children and that's the only way I can afford to work. If we used after school clubs it would be £60/day after school, but with a nanny it is £33 (3 hours). As a bonus, you can usually negotiate for them to do the children's laundry etc. I work nearby and my work has semi-flexible hours so I can do school drop off.

Also once they reach secondary school age you save a bit there too.

PersianCatLady · 20/12/2017 12:29

Rather than pay for childcare, could you maybe get a part-time job now and consider more hours once your pay goes up or your childcare costs reduce?

Thebluedog · 20/12/2017 12:29

You may get the opportunity to buy childcare vouchers and, if entitled, you could claim up to 70% if all your childcare costs back via child tax credits or working tax credits (can’t remember which one it is). Go on the government website and you can work out what you are entitled to via their calculator

Feelings · 20/12/2017 12:30

I'm a similar position watching with interest.
My husband also seems to think I'm better off staying at home, it's honestly making me depressed.

Not sure how I would handle pickups unless I was close by as I don't drive.

I've opted to finish my degree off with OU for now but still looking for the "gold dust jobs" in the mean time.

Whinesalot · 20/12/2017 12:31

The only thing I will say is that being out f the workforce for a really long period of time makes you very unattractive to employers and doesn't do anything for your confidence. I learnt the hard way.

Lifechallenges · 20/12/2017 12:32

Look for cheaper childcare - that's way more than average for school wrap round care.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 20/12/2017 12:32

I think you’re thinking too short term here too.

If a job is only worth the additional money you can bring to the family, then no, it’s probably not worth it.

However, if you want to work, for yourself (for whatever reason - could just be because you’re bored!) then take the childcare hit on the chin and apply for full time work and after school care.

It’s not going to be forever, but by the time your children are a bit older you’ll have been back in the workplace for longer, have better prospects and (hopefully) some decent pay rises and bonuses to have helped along the way.

PersianCatLady · 20/12/2017 12:32

Feelings
I have just completed my OU degree after six years and it does give you more opportunities.

I have applied to start teacher training in September 2018 and I would not have been able to do that without my OU degree.

BadFeminist · 20/12/2017 12:33

I was really well off as a single full time working parent, even with both kids in nursery.

CTC subsidise most of your childcare too.

BadFeminist · 20/12/2017 12:34

Hang on, your DH earns SIXTY SIX GRAND.

Okay then. If you're struggling then you need an accountant...

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 20/12/2017 12:34

I sympathise.

I have a one year old and a two year old, will cost me £2,000 a month in nursery fees to return to full time work!! I literally can't afford it. And I had/have a good career I really enjoy which is reasonably well paid but the nursery fees combined with my commuter ticket every month will wipe out my entire salary!

IJustLostTheGame · 20/12/2017 12:35

Flowers OP.
I too am searching for term time work. It seems to be the most financially viable option for us. I also have a small business and part time evening work.
I'd suggest paring down your application summary so to you won't get the 'too qualified' rejection and stress in your statement that you want work that fits in with family life.
I did and now I have an interview in the new year.