To expect dp to clean his own shit up

[sillysausage16]

Every day without fail, often more than once there is shit splattered all over the back of the toilet bowl which I have to clean.

Is it unreasonable to ask the shitter to clean it himself, before it hardens so that i practically need a chisel to get it off.

Fucking enrages me. Its DISGUSTING. He's a 40 year old man who's mother clearly did everything for him

Thing is though, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, granted. But this man is (somehow) shittif all over(?) the toilet and you wouldn’t end it over that? I would at least threaten to. I’m not sure why it has gone on for so long before you have any intimation... still, at least he is cleaning now so that’s something. Still gross that he didn’t beforehand.

He could buy some bleach tablets and sick a couple down the loo after an offensive movement.... they remove all of it below the water line. Of course, anything higher will need the brush, but threat of public humiliation seems to be working

Oh yes il just leave it should I and allow it to build up. He doesn't care but I do!!! I can't live like a scruffva

I cant even begin to imagine what this filthy bugger brings to the table apart from dirty hands because given what he's happy to leave behind on your loo there's a very big chance he doesn't wash his hands either. And what about his pants? Its probably skid marks galore.

I have a son with multiple disabilities. He requires round the clock care but he can leave his toilet in spotless condition. His personal hygiene is spot on.

He has an excuse for not managing to leave the toilet in less than clean condition but your partner is apparently Ok and is nothing but a dirty pig.

Poo is not a reason to leave someone. It's not like he's hitting me or having an affair 🙄

He's good to my ds too and he treats me like I'm his world other than this one thing. Yes growing up he didn't have to do anything domesticated and he's a lazy twat in the house but he is learning and he is trying

It's not like he's hitting me or having an affair 🙄

Your minimising.

He's disgusting.

If he is trying then fair enough. But seeing as this has been on-going for a while I just don’t understand how that wouldn’t tip someone to say “if you don’t start cleaning up your own shit, then please, do fuck off.”

Where exactly is the shit? Toilet seat - nasty no fucking excuses. In the actual bowl - I guess I wouldn’t really have an issue, but if bleach, leave then flush will sort it.

It’s not the shit in itself that would bother me, it’s the disrespectful way he dismissed how you felt about it. But if he’s trying to change it then fair enough.

In the toilet

Poo is not a reason to leave someone.

You can leave someone for any reason. For no reason at all, if the mood takes you.

Waking up to another person's shart daily would make me fucking stubby. Obviously everyone's got different tolerance levels but I'd be doing a Cato-kick to DH's head if he took a shit all over my bathroom and casually shrugged when asked to clean his own faeces.

Oh, so it’s not as if he has abnormal shit all over the toilet seat like I was imagining. Thank fuck. He may need to change his diet though if he is getting shit all over the inside of the toilet so often. I wouldn’t say it’s a reason to leave now though. I genuinely thought you meant the toilet seat itself is covered with shit that gardens and you have to clean off. Bleach will sort it out in the toilet.

Crikey no. I would absolutely not stand for that!!

No, not hitting you. So that's ok then.

Like I say, low standards. Disrespect and thoughtlessness is ok as long as he's not hitting you

Yeah you're right I should absolutely end it. My standards are pretty high actually. Like I said I didn't fall for the perfect man. I choose to work at my relationship.

I'm so pleased yours is perfect @BitOutOfPractice

My standards are pretty high actually.

It doesn't seem that way and its why I said you were minimising.

BitOutOfPractice has also picked up on it.

Like I said I didn't fall for the perfect man. I choose to work at my relationship

It sounds as if you settle for very little in the first place.

I'm startled at the tone this thread has descended into.

Comments by BitOutOfPractice and Lindibop to the OP are overstepping the mark.

The OP had one bugbear with her DP (however gross it was) and with the help of mumsnetters got tough with him.

It's not for anyone else though to quiz her about the rest of her relationship with him and OP you don't have to justify yourself to anyone else either.

I'm startled at the tone this thread has descended into

Perhaps we are both easily startled.

There's you being startled by the tone of the thread. And there's me being startled that the OP thinks not being hit or cheated on is good measure of things.

.

Flamingate thank goodness you've arrived to tell me what I can and cannot post

I think it's a perfectly legitimate point that a man who thinks it's a woman's job to clean up his shit despite being asked repeatedly to do it himself is showing a level of disrespect and thoughtlessness that I wouldn't find acceptable.

It was the op who mentioned "he doesn't hit me" which I think we can all accept is a spectacularly low standard to pass.

As for "this thread made her get tough with him", well hardly. He's not seen the error of his ways, or realised how disrespectful he's being has he? He's just trying to avoid being shamed on Facebook.

And op, where did I say my dp is perfect? He's not. Nobody is. But he loves and respects me enough not to expect me to clean up his shit.

It’s shot stains in the actual bowl, that isn’t too bad if I’m honest. Shit on the seat every time is disgusting, shit in the bowl? Well that’s normal isn’t it and a bit of bleach will sort it out. Not sure why the op is being given he’ll for not leaving him immediately... why would she? It’s shit in the toilet bowl, where it is supposed to be. I’ve seen my partners actual shit when it hasn’t flushed away, should I leave him this instant because of that?

if it's no big deal and won't take much effort to sort it, question is - why isn't the DP doing this and leaving his shit for his partner to clean?

my ExP used to leave the toilet in a mess, his clothes all over the bedroom floor, never make the bed, never get rid of his cigarette butts, never put the rubbish out, never help me with the weekly grocery shop, never pay his share of the bills on time or without being asked... I did everything... He even offered to pay for a cleaner when I was really stretched with my job and caring for my elderly father, but needless to say, he would forget to pay her too. I don't mind a bit of hard work but then realised the more I was doing, the less he was. A total lack of respect which is why he is now my Ex.

Like one MN poster put it, every time her DH left a cup on the side of dishwasher instead of inside, she felt like he was saying 'Fuck you, you can do it'. In this case then 'Fuck you, you can scrub my shit'

Thank you @QuackPorridgeBacon and @Flamingale some of these reactions are quite frankly ridiculous and way over the top.

He isn't shitting and smearing it up walls. Like I've said he is trying and I've had an actual conversation with him about how it makes me feel. Which he has taken on board and it's not happened again so far. The way I see it there was a problem and it was addressed.

And you're right @Flamingale I don't need to explain myself to such negative posters