To want a third child...

[StrugglingAlbion]

...despite knowing that it makes more sense to stick with two?

My two daughters are very young - 3 and 5 months. When DD2 was born we said that was it, we were done. We probably could financially cover a third but we think we would be able to give our two girls a better life if we just stick at two. Due to complications with childbirth I also worry about having a third - perhaps I have pushed my luck enough. Then there is the impact on my career.

But I can't stop thinking about a third. I feel so sad when I think of DD2 being our last baby. DH is of the "never say never" persuasion but at the moment isn't really up for it. He said "we could have six babies and you'd still feel sad that this was the last one"

Is he right?

I am genuinely so conflicted about it. I mean I know I don't have to decide right now, but still....

Yearning to have a third baby is one thing but I have never ever thought I yearn to have a third teenager.

DC2 takes his GCSEs this year. I don't think I would have the enthusiasm for any more school shenanigans. Even with just 2 I will have done the school run (or got them up for school) for 15 consecutive years.

Lonicera- lol yes that's definitely worth thinking about and my 2 girls are little divas so I can only imagine them in puberty!

I think a lot depends on gender & age gaps. I’m one of 3 with 2 sisters & we loved it & are all really close as adults. Yes we fought & sometimes one was left out but we still played together loads. I love having 2 siblings to rely on. I have friends who are 1 of 2 and they never played with their sibling so I think it’s hard to predict the dynamic. Plus I know plenty of only children who don’t fit the stereotype.

I always wanted 4 simply because I ideally wanted both genders & thought it would be good for them to have a same sex sibling. I have 2 sons 3 & 1 and due to BAD pregnancies will only have 1 more. I do ponder that if DC3 is a girl they may feel more left out.

Summergarden, actually that is one of my husband's reasons for not wanting another, that there would be a big age gap between oldest and youngest and it would make trips out hard to make enjoyable for both. I have a 2 year age gap between oldest and love how close they are but it was hard. There is a 3 1/2 year age gap between youngest 2 and I've loved that I have had more time with baby 3, its been so nice and yes a lot easier as older two are more independent. So I can see arguments both ways.

I didn't find 1-2 difficult but 2-3 was but I suppose the age gaps between them were the hard part. Now it isn't hard - just expensive.

Also was having 3 more popular in the 70s/80s? All my childhood friends were one of 3 or 4.

I have 3 and im sad that ds3 will be my last. There's quite a gap between 2 and 3 so he wont have a sibling close in age. We have a1 in 4 chance of our children being deaf so no chance in us having more. I think if i had 10 i would still want another

I have three - to be fair no.3 was a "surprise" - there is a nearly 10 yo thread on here debating how to tell dh when I got that +ve! He was great btw.

So I can't talk about planning a third. We had two a pre schooler and a toddler when I got pregnant, then our eldest started school a month before no.3 was born. I was at home but was planning my return to work when dd2 came along and put those plans back for a decade!

I would not change it though. Dd2 is a delight. An easy baby, she didn't even cry when she was born. She is a kind and cheerful and she is a great companion to her older siblings, they are autistic (HF) and she balances them out, plays with them and understands them. They are great with each other and don't fight much, I think they will be really supportive and good friends as they grow up, so although she wasn't planned dd2 really did complete our family.

For us our holiday plans are more affected by the older dc needs rather than the number of dc. It is expensive, that is unavoidable, hand me downs and second hand clothes are great when they are younger But dc 1+2 are in adult sizes now (though only 11 and 13) which is pricey. The idea of foreign hols is off the radar for a while longer. I am job hunting which should help eventually. We also face the prospect of years of exams as ds starts studying for GCSE this summer and small age gaps means there will be a relentless parade some simultaneously of exams (SAT, GCSE, Alevel) and two in uni at the same time (if no gap years and assuming the older two go to Uni).

But my anecdote is not evidence!

I have a 5 month old and my other turns 2 in a few weeks. I have to admit I feel broody now, which is madness because it's so hard day to day with 2 so little! We do want another though we talked about it before we had kids and we both feel like we aren't done after 2. I worry about my career and also money as we aren't rolling in it, but we are comfortable. I also think am I pushing my luck, I have been very lucky to have 2 smooth pregnancies, births and come out with 2 healthy children at the end. I think personally I'd regret it if we only had 2 though, our family just isn't complete yet.

If you'd had 6 children and said you don't feel done I'd be agreeing with your husband though! If you still don't feel done though and can afford another (and your husband wants another too) I say why not?

Having family around probably makes a big difference, as a pp writes. So you could leave the baby when you want to do something with older ones. We have no family help and that's one of the reasons we decided not to try for 3rd - DC1 and 2 are close in age and have similar interests, but dc1 and 3 would not be, and we would not be able to do many things for DC1 because there would always be a significantly younger sibling to consider.

Agree family support really helps. I’m a Londoner so my mum is 15 mins walk away, although she is 1 of 6 so has no sympathy when I’m struggling with 2 😜